The Art Of Losing Diary-I Poem by Bulent Karaalioglu

The Art Of Losing Diary-I



It is possible to live a good life with dementia and write best-selling books.
"Just like I do"
Terry Pratchett

I dedicate this poem to people and organizations that struggle with all cruel diseases.


to eat bread,
You don't have to be a baker.
myself going to school
I feel like a student.
Dear diary, even if you don't love me
Until you forget to write
I love you.

The door from our outer world to our inner world,
I call my five senses back to duty
Not everyone can see and hear the same things.
We love or loathe smells and flavors. Someone started
It's like someone wants to finish it.

Robots and humans
People's drama is lost memory.
The chaos of robots is lost memory.

We live in a perfect world.
How we succeed, we humans
We have a problem not to be.
In Freud's words, 'There is no one who sleeps and dreams. According to Aristotelian logic, if all people are dementia, I am dementia too.
The so-called social memory defect,
Education, virtue and conscience of the worker
It is the forgetting of the human right to life.
I don't want to forget them.

As society loses its upper cortical level. The middle and lower brain takes over the social body language. As Zeus in the sky loses his dominance and control
The agitation and angry aggression of the underground Hades are embodied in body language.

Symbolic functions of the capitalist in the lower brain
alienating the human phenomenon, social
Society has no art of losing as the destruction of memory is directed towards man and nature.

more sacred property
Rape of women and children
Hunger for body, property and property.
forgotten social solidarity and romance. Unless society has the art of losing, the future is the baby in the swaddling abandoned mosque courtyard. As recent memory collapses, they become historical figures of the past.
Angry, aggressive labor and thinking people who seek in their labyrinth are hostile humanoids with sticks and curses. Society has no art of losing.
Plane crashed.
Searching for the black box

POETRY TRIED TO BE DAILY, ,


My life has simplified.
I'm doing a memory test myself.
People, objects, streets, colors and numbers
nouns nouns noun phrases
The times when I wasn't successful? keep trying
tedious and painful
I am a grasshopper.

My life has simplified.
I'm doing a memory test myself.
People, objects, streets, colors and numbers
nouns nouns noun phrases
The times when I wasn't successful? keep trying
tedious and painful
I am a grasshopper.

who didn't leave me,
vaguely very sneaky
after the start
Someone forgot to invite me to the funeral

23 November 2020
Sinop Ataturk State Hospital
Orthopedic clinic secretary
Until I decide to ruin my day
that the weather is sunny
I could savor it.

-Your name
-What is your name
What's wrong with my strange voice instead of my name?
I handed my ID to the secretary. The secretary took it nervously like a bomb pack
Appointment confirmed.

Look at the man, he forgot his name.
I didn't mind.
I took a seat in the waiting room.

After a couple of minutes,
My son calling on the phone
Dad, why did you leave at 12: 00?
Why did not you inform me
You will wait three hours
Your risk of the virus will increase.
man in the next seat
They have always confused the nation with this virus.
How beautiful are the autumn sun
You consoled me.

December 2020
Birthday
Don't forget your wife's birthday
Your crime and your punishment
Become a dishwasher volunteer.

January 1,2021
The day I got in trouble with stuffed
Afternoon or dinner
Filling dialogues with my daughter, ,
' You ate on New Year's Eve. Now you are eating '
-I didn't eat, dad

Put yourself in the shoes of a homicide detective. On the night of December 31st, his mother wrapped stuffing. The next morning, my daughter ate it for breakfast, and I was there for breakfast.
At dinner, I couldn't remember the morning breakfast like murder.

January 2
time detection flaw
January 3
I forgot the movie I was watching
.. (I used to forget)
January 4
I forgot numbers in mobile computing enough to piss me off

January 5,2021
I'm emptying the dishwasher
On the one hand, I repeat their names.
In the lower compartment, the breakfast plate is just in my hand.
I was planted. - What are you waiting for?
'What am I going to do, look the plate is singing'
you will put it in the closet
'Which closet..? '
-in this closet
January 6
January 12 (noun)
January 18 (dating)
Bread forgotten in the toaster,
I shouldn't let the toaster confuse me.
January 23
Orientation
The place of the forgotten house
february 1
March 7
My words were forgotten by the vacuum cleaner vacuum
20 March 20121
My short memory flaws
No more refined chicken in the end.
21 March 2021
Who can forget he ate pizza (4 hours ago)
March 27 evening
I wanted to order shaving brushes for my family who went to the market. I put on a thousand and one disguises because I can't remember your name
The first hours of March 28
While words dance in absence

April 1,2021
dementia april fool
Reading and writing activity used to be negatively affected for a maximum of two minutes.30 or 40 minutes now
April 6,2021.my first hours
My words hung in the air like a bucket in a deep dark well.
without moving
Noon..
Again, fusiform symptom is the inability to see to the right of objects while seeing literacy letters like ants

Evening tea..
As my wife left the kitchen, I suddenly couldn't remember the word '? '
…?
what did you do
What did you do.? ?
I remembered the tea cup close to my hand
'Did you make the tea? '
April 8,2021
On the way to the Covid-19 vaccine
How many words I had to say because I could not remember the name of the person familiar to my wife. Get vaccinated, come home hours later, suddenly remember.
April 9 - April 12
Fluctuation in perception of time
13 April 2021..
03.00- 06.00 hours
As I forgot the name of the last poem I wrote
I do not forget the content of the poem.
I looked, I couldn't cope. I cheated. I entered the notebook. I looked your name
I forgot again, it came to my mind after sleep.
'Gothic- my Gothika poem
14 April 2021
at 16.00
PROSOAGNASIA
22.00 o'clock
22.00 o'clock
Human name(-)
16 April 2021 afternoon
I thought it was Monday. Friday is another day
After 17: 00
In a phone call with a friend, for a mutual acquaintance in Ankara, 'summer is in danger.'
Why?
'as a teacher's assistant'
He laughed.. - don't be the assistant manager
evening
Instead of a simple flashlight, I snapped my finger and showed the kids
My mind has been crawling on the floor
17 may p
early morning
It was almost time for me to put liquid hand soap instead of toothpaste on my brush.

18 may
I went to the family doctor for the second dose of Kovid-19. I got the vaccine. Nurse brought my ID while I waited for the side effect
-You forgot.. he said
May 19th..
I don't think what happened at dinner today, I don't think it ended, I wouldn't argue with the people on the table.
24 may
The person who has to repeat the word three times because I don't understand it, I call my wife.
25 May
Like yesterday
...
Error not saving log immediately
To save up and strain my memory
I wasn't typing right away.
As the symptoms increased, the events that I had forgotten increased.
The series of events that I remember anyway

XX. August 2021
I left the house to go to the sea.
The last 5 minutes of the 20-minute road

My friend from Deniz and Telecom caught up with me. -Easy to catch me
-Where's your backpack.. (?)
I was saying I have a lightness
Turns out I forgot my backpack

It's too late to go back home
I also used my preference for the sea.
In 2022, I remembered the name of this friend 4 days later.

First, I stuck my crutch between two rocks. So that the t-shirt doesn't blow in the wind
I put it on the tip of the stick.
Because I forgot the glasses case in my backpack
I slid the glasses into the handle of the crutch. When I got out of the sea, I waited until it dried in the sun because there was no towel.

I got my keys at least in 2019
Calling a locksmith as I forgot,
I won't have to.
Everyone's awake when I come home

All summer and year round
decline in my cognitive and hobbies

I swim in the sea until November
I've always had my backpack ready
I didn't even go in the sweltering heat of summer.
Withdrawal from my social hobbies
even from poetry
I forgot my passwords.


September- November 2021
I turned off the computer when I forgot 'what' I was looking for in an internet search.
November..
My time confusion
When I looked at the clock in the refrigerator, at first I thought the clock had stopped. later in the afternoon
It's 08: 00, not 15: 00.
The only difference is the size of the white plates
I confused that difference too.

My test with food
Chicken rice and beans in the fridge
When my son opened the refrigerator, he said, 'The food is sour, let's pour it out'
I couldn't detect the smell
The next day we had to spill the food

9 november 2021
My retest with the key
I went downstairs to go to the market
I came to the outer door of the building and when my neighbor opened the door with the key, I felt my pocket.

I said I'd save time on the way to the market
When I got back, I rang the bell for the neighbor on my side.
After a long knock on the door, my son woke up.
This is my 6th or seventh key forgetting

December..
My wife said you can heat the tea until I wipe the glass. I turned on the stove with the potato pan instead of the kettle. When the liquid smell in the pan is unbearable
I said 'someone is frying fries'
When I realized it, I opened the teapot stove.
I opened the windows to remove the smell

My wife whatsapp with her family in Istanbul
My brother-in-law's wife giving her speech
When he mentioned me, I couldn't remember his name when I had to address him.
The lady helped me and I laughed with them.

January 2022..
watching movies online on tv
I just realized that we white race confuses far eastern people.. I'm blonde
I had the same misconception with two white people. Also on the internet, with subtitles, U Bot 2018, in the German submarine series, damn, because the military shaving resembles each other.
I started the series all over again.

February 2,2022
If we lost my brother-in-law on the 24th of the month
He doesn't do psychics. For a while, I thought the date of his death was 2020. After a phone call with my sister, I realized it was last year.

March..
My speech repetition episodes
One-way with his family from the computer with Ms.
We bought a flight ticket for Istanbul-Sinop return.
When I go to Istanbul on the 24th of the month (I think) , it will surprise my family that you both return.
It won't be a surprise for you to know.
Keep the house tidy.
One day, when my son came from outside, he began to grumble angrily.
I have the dishwasher plates
Not long now
I would put it in the fridge.
I'm confused like I got a bullet in my head
It's like I stumbled

April
The population of the house has increased.5 of us
speech repetition episode
April
I said why is there a cut in my son's salary?
Dad said my salary for 10 days
I thought he started work on February 24

April 4
Mms (mini mental test) on Youtube
Day, month, year, while I'm happy to know
I didn't know in the afternoon
My son going up to the roof after iftar
There's a TV show you're watching
I thought it was Saturday
What did I say today?
Because I forgot tobacco on the table
The lady is almost putting garbage.

Xx April 2022..
08: 00 o'clock
I was going to wake up the people of the house with the thought that we missed the sahur.
I forgot what we ate

xx april 2022
Iftar time my son is in bed
Loved by all of us since my mother
Because I forgot the potato salad
To the lady (that's what I said)
I put the soup, but I called.

14 April
Dentures confused me
Repetition of speech at the time of iftar eoisoduma
Ma'am, you said it twice in five minutes.
' Ground paprika ' so you don't say the third

16 April..
Word repeat episode and word salad
My father-in-law and mother-in-law at iftar time
At the table where he was present, instead of saying 'my dental prosthesis did not fit, my tooth farted and now I forgot another word salad'
Cancer patient
At least it can't be that funny.
17 April..
Sahur, I thought my son was in his mother's bed
Turns out he was in his own bed.

April 17..
The lady said that you will burn the house too.
Before the event, put dish soap in the pan.
I left it on the low stove. I went for a walk
20 min departure 20 min arrival 40 min
It was hot the day before
It's cloudy and windy - good thing
I am back home. The pan is about to burn
I held it under the faucet, dense smoke
Of course I caught my lady

18 April
In the movie 'clouds' about the life of a cancer patient, I confused the patient's boyfriend and girlfriend. It's like when I mix up big and small on two white plates..

Measures
1- to write the diary. At least the calendar does not interfere.
2- coding your oldest memory with new memories
For example, adapting the rhyme I used to use in poetry.
Do you like Brahm?
Do you like the poem?
Brahms code my francois sagan novel
And it was made in 1961
I coded it with Brahmish poetry.
In sync with my old memories
I thought I wrote the poem ' diary of the art of losing ' on October 20,2020. Published on the site 15.January 2021

3.Carry the keys in your pants
4.precaution save passwords in browser
Reset passwords I don't remember

April 20..
Realizing that I asked the same question at sahur
April 23, mixing yesterday and today
April 24
repetition episode

25 april
I forgot that I ate cauliflower after the soup at iftar time, and when I asked questions, the reactions were different. Father-in-law 'fasting hit'
When I asked the lady, 'How should I know when you don't know what you eat? '
As I went up to the roof, I took the market cart to the top of the stairs. On the roof I remembered I forgot paradoxical forgetfulness
The me who didn't pay off in the national lottery
Forgetfulness depreciation
26 april
Feasting time
Forgetfulness test with food
Whoever said it is right
Words fly, writing remains

Symptoms and defects don't go as slowly as I thought
Memories are like a deck of cards.
I forgot the top paper as if the last record was taken first.
Have you ever looked for the tea cup in the refrigerator to drink your tea?
Publish the poem in the notebook, look for it in the fridge at night, what does it feel like mentally?

POETRY DAY, ,

If the truth doesn't go away, even if it's bad, it's real.
should never have met
Two words came together for me.
Memories and dementia.
I'm in a place that's not so bad
I'm not in a very good place.
You start life with a good shoe you already have
He is the master of the fatal life barber that he cannot help


Living is not a crime or a reward
It's not a gift that anyone gave you
My feet get me somewhere. My brain thinks. What should never have come together
two words combined
dementia and me

What will I turn into,
That kept me from my greatest fear,
to think and write,
I'm as good as my pen.
As long as I can read and write, I will be alive and I will fight
Struggle makes people beautiful.

I'm a shard of glass who wants to be steel.
to eat bread,
You don't have to be a baker.
Those who make their pain art are the noblest people in the world.

To be the nail in the coffin of the cemetery of memories
I refuse
To me it's my disease
Being a very rich person later broke
Or..
The most cultured french aristocrat of the time
Losing his head on the guillotine.

three cities,
Terry Pratchett
Glen Campbell and I
I'm in no hurry to come to you

Novelist Terry songwriter Glen, even if you forget yourself, your loved ones will not forget you.
I stayed with you like roses without fragrance

I'm in such a place.. I was the one who said I should win where it's not too bad. (until 2020)
I'm in such a place.. I'm the one who says I shouldn't lose in a not so good place
(after 2021)

Who likes to say goodbye?
Like everything else, I'm learning to lose.
As I lose myself
My family and loved ones will lose me.
On empty tables of dim lights,
I'm learning to lose.
And the art of losing

With the birds in the art of losing
I want to get lost in the same directions
on endless horizons

How much is waiting for me,
My timeless times

Difficult and hope, when these two words come together, one is inevitable, the other
To become immune to pain.
Looks like a plant not a plant
looks like a stone not a stone
You will see a tree, be sure to touch it
That tree is a person who has lost his memories.

Think of me as a car braking at the front. When I brake, your car will brake.
Imagine.
Think about people like me. Think about yourself, like a car with brakes in the back. It's not too late for beauties.
I have two worlds
I live in the world I know
I'm trying to live in the world I don't know. We must learn together to lose pain and turn living into art.

I believe in miracles.
left behind in the dark sky
Even if a single star shines, it is my star of hope.

I don't know who I will become and how much I will forget. I cannot mourn for my mistakes so far.
I forgave people who hurt me to move on with my life.
Try To Forgive If You Can
Living is our faults and our greatest
It's about facing our fears.
It's up to me to make good my remaining time
Beautify your remaining time as much as we do. Everything doesn't have to end badly. to eat bread,
You don't have to be a baker.
While we forget ourselves
Remember how much we fought
Dementia is not out of this world bad.

BLACK BOX

As I go, I will not go suddenly.
I never say goodbye when I'm on my mind.
feet of my brain
While breaking like a doll
My brain's hands are somewhere between au revoir and adieu
The last left behind is the forgotten love and music, the cemetery of memories after it is very long.
A long silence. The volcano has erupted. Don't wait for the phoenix from the ashes of memories while its fire brings me and events before you.

While the rain falls silently, dementia is a family member for some.
Neurology students, you learn about dementia from medical books, people like me have dementia. I am someone trying to live in an unfamiliar world. Courage is more than saving a jacket from a burning house.

January 9,2021
Sinop
23.59 hours
Saturday


Famous American country singer Glen Campbell was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2011, and he saw this as a reason not to retreat but to fight and raise awareness.
Glen Campbell's song I'm Not Gonna Miss You and its translation
…Glen Campbell: I'll Be Me (2014)
I'm still here, but I'm already gone
I don't play the guitar, I can't sing my songs
They never could define who I am
The man who loves you to the end of the road...

You are the last person I will love
You're the last face I'll remember
And best of all I won't miss you
I won't miss you

I will never hug you like before
Or I won't tell the kids I love you
You won't see it in my eyes
And it won't hurt when you cry

I'll never know what you're going through
And all the things I've said and done
All the hurt and all the pain
All that's left is selfishness

I won't miss you
I won't miss you

The Art Of Losing Diary-I
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