The Great Stealth-Burger Caper - Poem by Ray Lucero
A head cold had settled in with a vengeance.
After a couple of days at home I felt stir crazy.
Was it time to go somewhere, maybe a movie?
A quick glance at Arts & Entertainment section
and we made our choice of movies playing at our
We jumped in the car and headed to the cinema.
“Haven’t eaten all day lets get a burger” I said.
“We don’t have enough time to stop to eat, lets
get something at the theater” Laureen replied.
“Nope, too expensive and the food is crappy anyway.
Let’s get some burgers to go and sneak them into the theater”
“What? ” You know they don’t let people take in food”
“Yeah, so they don’t need to know, right? ”
We wheeled into “Cruisers” a 50’s throwback diner.
You know the kind with old pictures of Elvis and Marilyn,
hanging on the walls and black & white checkerboard floors.
Cruisers make great burgers cheap (volume...Over a zillion sold) .
Thin patties, shredded lettuce, onions, tomatoes, pickles
and fresh sesame buns. Burgers better than the guys
with the “Golden Arches” or “flame broiled” belly busters.
It was 30 minutes before show time, but we were in luck.
Things were going well because we arrived 15 minutes before noon.
The movie gods were with us…
Just as we placed our order, people started lining up behind us.
“Two regular burgers with the works and mustard dressing please”
“Want fries with your burgers”
“Nope” I said hurriedly.
Laureen placed her order,
“One regular burger with everything except onions and an order of fries.”
“Do you want curly, regular, tatter tots or steak fries? ”
“Uh, I’ll take the steak fries please”
“Anything to drink? ”
“No thanks, just a cup for water (she wasn’t about to let me drink from her water bottle) .
We looked at each other as we sat down holding
our plastic tent with a black number 3 on it.
“Uh, how are we going to smuggle in that much food”, laureen asked.
“In your purse” I answered with a clueless grin on my face.
“Are you kidding, it’s already full and besides my water bottle is in it”
“I’ll put the water bottle in my back pocket”
“That’s still not enough room”
The waitress called our number.
We walked over to get our order then ran to the car
and zoomed off to the theater.
Laureen opened the bag and looked inside.
“Maybe we better eat the fries because they have a strong odor from
the deep fryer and they may not get by the ushers.
They take up a lot of room anyway”.
“Ok…get em out” I answered.
She set the white bag full of steak fries out and proceeded to pour ketchup on them from a few of those troublesome, sparsely filled plastic packets.
“Mmmm, pretty good I said as I stuffed a couple in my mouth.
I glanced at the bag and said, “Oh what the Hell, hand me a burger”.
By the time we arrived at the theater the burgers and fries were gone.
So much for the stealth burger caper…
We comfort in knowing that we’d smuggled in our whole lunch in our bellies and who likes to eat in the dark anyway.
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