Barry Conway


The Hungry Ant - Poem by Barry Conway

THE HUNGRY ANT

AS I LAY UPON THE GRASS,
A HUNGRY ANT CRAWLED UP MY ARSE!
I TRIED TO GET IT OUT AGAIN,
BUT IT WAS SLIPPERY WET WITH RAIN.

I TRIED IN VEIN, IT WOULD NOT BUDGE,
I SUPPOSE I TASTED A BIT LIKE FUDGE,
IT KEPT ON CHEWING, MY BUM IN PAIN,
SO I TRIED TO GET IT OUT AGAIN!

I HAD TO TAKE MY TROUSERS DOWN,
I MUST HAVE LOOKED QUITE THE CLOWN,
THEN MY PANTS FELL ON MY SHOES,
AS THE ANT JUST CHEWED AND CHEWED!

IT WAS WET AND YET SO SO SLIPPERY,
AND NOW IT WAS SOMEWHAT STICKY,
I TRIED TO GET IT OUT SO FAST,
SO IT WAS NO LONGER STUCK UP MY ARSE!

ON AND ON THE ANT KEPT CHEWING,
AND I FELT SICK AND STARTED SPEWING,
SO I GRABBED A STICK LAYING ON THE GRASS,
AND SHOVED THAT TOO UP MY ARSE!

FINALLY OUT IT CAME, AT LAST,
AND I SQUASHED IT ON THE GRASS,
CONSIGNED TO HEAVEN OR HELL AND BACK,
BETTER THAT THAN IN MY CRACK!


THAT WILL TEACH YOU I THOUGHT AT LAST,
TO GO CAVORTING UP MY ARSE,
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL YOU ANTS,
STAY WELL CLEAR OF BARRY'S' PANTS!

BUT STILL I FELT SOMEWHAT IN SORROW,
IN ENDING ALL THAT ANTS TOMORROWS,
FOR AFTER ALL WHAT DID HE DO?
JUST MAKING A LIVING LIKE ME AND YOU!

I HAD TO GO AND HAVE A CRAP,
SO BEHIND THE BUSHES I DID DASH,
BUT SOME OF IT WENT ON MY SHOE,
NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

ANOTHER PROBLEM, LIFE GOES ON,
AT LEAST FOR ME WITHIN THIS PONG,
FOR THAT HUNGRY ANT LEFT QUITE A HOLE,
UPON MY BODY AND UPON MY SOUL!

ALL MY FRIENDS FOUND IT SO FUNNY,
THAT MY ARSE WAS QUITE SO YUMMY,
I JUST SWORE AT THEM IN VEIN,
AS MY ARSE WAS RACKED IN PAIN!

BUT I WAS LEFT WITH THE LAST LAUGH,
AS I COULD SEE MOVING THROUGH THE GRASS,
AN ANT ARMY COMING IN FOR THE KILL,
BECAUSE I HAD SQUASHED THEIR BROTHER BILL!

AND THAT NIGHT I FELT SO ILL,
I EVEN TOOK A SLEEPING PILL,
FOR I KNEW THE ARMY WOULD COME FOR ME,
REVENGE FOR KILLING AN ANT WITH GLEE!

FOR THAT NIGHT I FELT SUCH GUILT,
AS I SLID UNDER MY QUILT,
I KNEW THE ANTS WERE PREDATORY,
AND I COULD NOT HIDE FROM MISERY!

THERE AS I LAY IN MY GUILTY BED,
BAD DREAMS INVADED MY SORRY HEAD,
I FELT THE ANTS CHEWING THROUGH ME,
JUST EATING ME RELENTLESSLY!

THEY HAD GATHERED QUITE A PACE,
DINNING SO UPON MY NECK AND FACE,
BEFORE LONG I WAS NOW HALF EATEN,
MY EGO NOW COMPLETELY BEATEN!

AND OF ME THEY MADE A SLAVE,
HARD LABOUR I WORKED WITH GROWING RAGE,
TO DO THEIR BIDDING, AS A WORKER ANT,
BECOMING NO LESS THAN A SYCOPHANT!

BUT AS AN ANT I STAYED OFF THE GRASS,
STAYED AWAY FROM ANYONE'S ARSE,
FOR HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN ANT WITH GLASSES,
WHOSE INTELLECT NO ANT SURPASSES!

FROM TIME TO TIME I HAVE THIS DREAM,
IT APPEARS NOW AND THEN, AND SO IT SEEMS,
I WILL NEVER BE FREE OF THIS STORY,
NEVER TO LIE IN PEACE, IN MY OWN GLORY!

FOR ONCE THE DEED IS DONE DEAR SIR,
IT WILL HAUNT YOU, MANY A YEAR AFTER YEAR,
UNTIL THE TIME FATE HAS FOR US ALL,
WHO HEAR THE CALL OF THE VELVET POOL!

A SAINT OR SINNER I WILL ALWAYS BE,
MORE SINNER THAN SAINT IN HYPOCRISY,
BUT PLEASE DO NOT EVER PANDER ME,
I GET WHAT I DESERVE IN MY JEALOUSY

TO TAKE A LIFE SO VICIOUSLY,
LEAVES YOU VULNERABLE UNCONSCIOUSLY,
WHERE EVEN A SINGLE HUNGRY ANT,
WAS MOVED TO DEATH WITHOUT RECANT!

FIRE UP THE FIRES OF HELL,
FOR YOU WILL FIND ME THERE AS I YELL,
I DID NOT DO IT, IT WAS NOT ME!
YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON CAN'T YOU SEE!

I HEAR YOU NOW A CHILD OF GOD,
I'LL PAY THE PRICE FOR THE CRIME UPON THE SOD,
FOR THE DEEDS I DID TODAY,
IN SENDING A HUNGRY ANT UPON THEIR WAY!


TO SEND THEM ON BEFORE IT'S TIME,
IS TO COMMIT SUCH A HEINOUS CRIME,
NOW I REALIZE IT IS SO UNFAIR,
I DESERVE TO SUFFER IN SATAN'S LAIR!

PITY ME NOT THOUGH UPON THIS STORY,
EVEN THOUGH I AM ETERNALLY SORRY,
I SAT DOWN THAT DAY UPON THE GRASS,
INVADED THEIR TERRITORY WITH MY CREVASSE!

PERHAPS ONE DAY IT WILL COME TO PASS,
ANTS AND HUMANS CAN CO-EXITS UPON THE GRASS,
TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY,
A SCONE FOR YOU, AND A SCONE FOR ME!

UNTIL THEN SAY GOODBYE TO PICKNICKS TOO,
UNLESS YOU WANT SOME ANTS UP YOU!
FOR THE MORAL OF THIS STORY BE,
STICK TO THE PATH, BE SAFE LIKE ME!

SO BE WARNED ABOUT THIS FARCE,
DON'T EVER SIT UPON THE GRASS,
DON'T WALK ON IT, JUST LET IT PASS,
OR YOU'LL HAVE AN ARMY CRAWLING UP YOUR ARSE!

Topic(s) of this poem: anger, conscience, death, grass , humour, hunger, life, living, morality, nature


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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Poem Edited: Tuesday, January 14, 2020


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