It is a great idea u have express.Sharing the great moments that has never lived before.Now the time has come that we all share this great moment of change, a great moment for a better tommorow, a great moment of joy.My hearts goes out with you.
It is a great poem.well penned, written, arranged and peacefull, joyfully and a hope o better tommorow all America.
Keep the feeling, the oneness and the trust and believe that there will be a better tommorow.
U ARE A GREAT WRITER.I SALUTE U SANIA.
may Obama's moment flow and flourish that we may all bathe and swim in its tides and find new shores, new hopes and dream huge mountainous dreams. Please read Nia's comment carefully. You're young and we'll all read you as you grow and grow and flourish in Obama moments.
From : Argenis Hernandez (Los Angeles United States; Male; 18)
To : Nia Riz
Date Time : 2/1/2009 8: 05: 00 PM (GMT -6: 00)
Subject : On your Obama poem
First off, I'd like to say that you have some serious talent as a poet. Your verses really attract readers with you rsuspense and sudden tone shifts. However, since we both are young, many of us adolescent poets struggle to find our own style. I don't think that there's anything wrong with the formal style that you write in. But I think that with all your talent, you should begin to experiment with more modern styles. The formal verse has been practiced since the first form of poetry was put in text (Homer's 'The Illiad') . To me, the formal verse just isn't the style that 'The Moment' should've been written in. Most of the poem seems like your were kind of forcing it to rhyme. While being able to rhyme is a beautiful gift, you should never force it to rhyme. I've learned this the hard way and you can easily tell from my own poems. But like my teacher(and hopefully future mentor) says, ' that's only one person's opinion. I'm just saying that it doesn't work for me. But in the end it's up to you to decide.'
the moment just didn't work for me.
Also, i'd like to let you know that I will continue to read you work when time permits. So keep doin with the do.
From : Fergus Condron (London United Kingdom; Male; 46)
To : Nia Riz
Date Time : 2/1/2009 2: 06: 00 PM (GMT -6: 00)
Subject : Thank you - but alas - the real word awaits to defy your dream
The words are fine,14, you are a good person with talent.
He is a good man and wants to do well for us, but as you grow older you will see, and most of all, read how evil these people are, not him, but the dark dark people that you never see on tv that will destroy him, the USA is a dark evil force that has used massive weapons of destruction and evil chemical weapons on people who just disagree with them, thats just how it is, read more and you will see what an evil and hateful regieme that they are! ! ! keep reading and reading, you will then see how they leave millions to starve, go without water and medical supplies, thats how the USA rule the world, (so they hope) he will not be killed by gun or bombe, they will destroy him from within, watch the news over the next two years, then you will see how well a black man will do in the whitehouse.....sorry, but it is true....read about Martin Luther King, Malcome X, The Black Panthers, Che Guevara, Castro in Cuba, The truth of Vietnam, freedom is only allowed when it suites them....that is the one and only law....read and you shall see this for yourselfe! ! !
There are many people who have been impressed greatly by Obama's achievements and I have to say you need thanking for putting this into poetry. I love your piece, it is not imposing nor does it hide it's pride.
There are plenty of smiles, when one reads this in a quiet hall. It is as if you almost feel him tapping your shoulder, saying 'you can too! '
Well written, Sania. Let's hope the moment will continue and Obama will bring the changes in real sense. By the way, I predicted an African American president many years ago in my poem ' The Door Of No Return '. Its on poemhunter.