Ricardo Paolini

The Wool-Ins Tale Or The Great Fatsby

Here be the tale of a boy called Wooly,
Everyday he was the victim of the bullies,
'It really hit him right in the heart',
Every insult pierced him like a dart,
Crying, one day, he looked in the mirror,
And didnt recognise that podgy figure.

He asked the guys to make amends,
Because they were his 'trusted friends',
But he was greeted with only mocking,
Dave slapped him with a stocking,
But three of them, this gallant trio,
Tried to help him out for real.

In front of a mirror they placed the fat c**t,
And made him ejaculate with a grunt,
'I SEE PRIDE AND I SEE POWER',
He repeated this for four long hours,
'I SEE A BAD MOTHER WHO DON'T TAKE CRAP',
This was the end of Wooly's rap.

To the common room he went, to try it on Lara,
The entire room burst out in laughter,
But he thought they were laughing with him,
And thought that she would now get with him.

In a few days they asked him again,
To repeat the magic phrase they gave,
'I SEE PRIDE AND I SEE...passion? ',
Sadly he hadn't learnt the lesson.

A lost cause he seemed to be,
But then they took him to a tree,
And bashed his head against the wood,
His brain was shook and there he stood...

Changed for life the Wooly was,
The old fat c**t forever lost,
'Mummy? ' he murmured looking blank,
The three were amazed, to be quite frank.

EPISODE II - Wooly goes out on the town for the very first time

Steve was the one to raise the question,
'What shall we do? This could be a blessing',
The Wooly, he said, 'Guys will you take me,
Out on the town, I've never been lately'.

'Ergo' they went out for some beers,
Wooly had changed from previous years.
'Guys I've never been anywhere like here,
You guys are to my heart so dear.'

The guys, at this, they looked quite worried,
Especially as Wooly's voice was slurried,
After one sip of iced John Fosters,
The others were, of course, Beer Monsters.

Wooly was pissed for the very first time,
For the first ever time he was out of his mind,
Shots and Stella, Bacardi Breezers,
WKD.....whatever he pleases.

Wooly now starts to check out ladies,
'I've only ever done this from web pages,
But this amber liquid tastes so sweet...',
Ricky interrupted, 'It's the sound of the police! '

The drunken Wooly screams, 'No! We're underage!
I'll be used as currency in prison with the gays',
The lads ran away, Wooly was left behind,
His 'friends' having gone, our hero is now crying,
For Wooly was lost, alone in the world,
Turkeying down High Street, he saw two more girls.

'How do I get home? ! ', he cried with a frown,
'I don't know my way around this town! '
The girls they said, 'Boy, if you're looking for a party,
Come back to ours, we'll get this party started.'

Wooly followed them in, he entered the ghetto,
Back at their place, downed a pint of amaretto,
The ladies went to slip into 'something less comfortable',
But Wooly was now fast asleep, willing but not able.

Poor Wooly had however, been the victim of a trick,
The ladies only wanted his wallet, not his prick,
Our hero, believing that he was gonna get some honey,
In the morning, woke, with no clothes on and no money.

EPISODE III - Wooly in the Ghetto

N.B. This is a work in progress
(writen with Steffan Casiov)

Poem Submitted: Thursday, March 2, 2006
Poem Edited: Friday, July 2, 2010

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Comments about The Wool-Ins Tale Or The Great Fatsby by Ricardo Paolini

  • Juergen Himmelstoff (3/2/2006 1:09:00 PM)

    Hah! My life is much like this, but obviously I am the valiant hero each time. Well, almost each time. The two girls sound like they are from Harlow, in England. Avoid this place at all cost! It's is nothing like Colchester, and certainly not like Norway. It is Hell!

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