To You... My Precious Being Poem by Niken Kusuma Wardani

I think it's time for me to sit facing myself
Trying to be responsible for what I'd done
The damage I caused to my fragile heart
The bubble I invented to my handicap mind
The cutting pain I take on my lame flesh
It's time to dwell on my poor existence
In the great figure of dream and you
I am sorry, I never have other choice
Whenever you hurt me with your quick ignorance
Whenever you make me wait in wonder
I still can't find the reason to stand for my own self
The river of tears
The core of sadness
The blade of deception
Never make me fail to breaths you, not a sec
It's my foolish fantasy that burn till death
Of holding you endlessly in my silent dream
Of resting my wounded heart in your arm
Of hear your heartbeat as a timeless gift
Of having you as my guilty pleasure
I understood, this imperfect world is never for me
Whether you come as an angel or demon
I could never have you nor disown you
You have your own life boldly out of my universe
In your perfect world, you put mask when you take my hand
Flawless to me, though it's a Halloween Party
I presented you my ugly self, no hinder
In your paragon life, all your premonitions is rule
Noone should have complex appreciation
Less completion is zero
Failure is betrayal
Being shy is disgust reaction
Have I try to resist it? In my selfish heart, I failed to get sick of it
As Daruma plead Nanakorobi yaoki, jinsei wa kore kara da
I stand tall through your merciless blow
But you, having claim that I'm yours
You forgot to draw my eye as to lit the life
I stood for no-hope, meet no rest, just clinging to the air aimlessly
But to love you... just for the sake of my lungs
Is there anything to gain when love bring you pain?
Is it worth all those years spent in tears and fear?
I always look up forlornly to you
A drip of your affection quenches my weary soul
Then why? The closer you bring me, the deeper I drown
I cannot resist and fool my own self any longer
I am just a cheap trick in the magic or a common app in your pc
I hope one day, I could welcome my lost soul
Then I can stop pursue the shooting star, too tiring
But let me feel your existence linger a while, so warm in my arm
Just a little while until my anger, disappointment, aching heart subside
Then I could see myself - closed my chapter of you… for the last time