Hira Akhtar

Veteran Poet - 1,300 Points (19-3-1998 / Gujrat)

Tomorrow [determination To Get Success] - Poem by Hira Akhtar

Tomorrow may be or may not be

Tomorrow may be tough
........................
........................
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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I am very excited for tomorrow and I want my creator, to be with me in every field of life in in fact, to support me whenever I sway.
I love you Allah Almighty.....
Give me strength to face difficulties of this world...
Well I was thinking about my tomorrow what i should do or what i should not then i got idea to write poem and the thing i've focused in th poem is 'Tomorrow may be or may not be'...

thanks ph members...... :)
regards...

Comments about Tomorrow [determination To Get Success] by Hira Akhtar

  • Kelly Kurt (5/1/2015 1:25:00 PM)

    Thank you for sharing this poem, Hira. very well thought out and written. Happy tomorrows
    Peace
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  • (6/14/2014 1:49:00 PM)

    powerful but smooth, your poem represent great spirit of life
    the rhyme sound perfect and i love it
    thanks for sharing this magnificent poem
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  • Akhtar Jawad (5/1/2014 8:31:00 AM)

    A good determination to face the uncertain, future. I liked it. (Report)Reply

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  • Hira Akhtar (2/6/2014 11:23:00 AM)

    thank u sir for your kind compliment :) (Report)Reply

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  • (2/6/2014 9:17:00 AM)

    great poem and message of determination (Report)Reply

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  • Hira Akhtar (2/4/2014 8:24:00 PM)

    thanks :)
    ill be careful the very next time
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  • M. Shahid. H Chouhdry (2/4/2014 7:18:00 AM)

    Everything you've chosen here is superb But make a classical rhyme which make a latent contact between two verses as viewing the first phase each of verse is connected to the second one.
    This poem albeit stood at above average ratio, and I can only just wish my best wishes for your endless and fertile wrought to English poetry.Well Done Once Again.
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  • Hira Akhtar (2/3/2014 4:37:00 AM)

    yeah i understand you sir and i am trying my best to do much better work next time.
    Thanks :)
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  • Dinesh Nair (1/31/2014 9:35:00 AM)

    Hira, everything won`t make these poets accept things of poetry as you mean and you can see nature of the comments poured in.
    Your choice of themes can go a little upwards even while retaining your unshakable faith in your Allah.
    Study life, study episodes therein and pen down your poems from your platform.
    The poem hunter elders whose first language is English may come to your help for sometime and taking right clues from them please, go ahead. All the best ahead Hira.
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  • Hira Akhtar (1/30/2014 11:20:00 AM)

    you are right sir, thank you so much :) (Report)Reply

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  • James Mclain (1/30/2014 11:01:00 AM)

    Think out side the box.
    Cat's like cheese.
    Chess and Go,
    will help you find the road.
    For when you find out
    what to do
    it is time to go....iip
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  • Hira Akhtar (1/30/2014 8:38:00 AM)

    thanks a million, Sir............
    You've always been very helpful... :)
    well i will try to improve the very next time acting upon your advices.....
    Sir i haven't used weal as a single word but it is 'weal and woe'.......its an idiom meaning 'happiness and sorrow'..............anyways i'll try my hard to improve as much as i can... :) respect......... :)
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  • Bri Edwards (1/29/2014 5:31:00 PM)

    Hira,

    story'd be...............story would, should, could..........be?
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    i agree with comment left by TV Jones, that a poet may force a rhyme to the detriment of the poem, e.g. its meaning. that said, i don't know that i can (OR WANT TO) judge which, if any, of your rhymes are forced.
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    Tomorrow may be for you, a lee
    all the sorrows and worries will flee

    Tomorrow may be for you, a lee .....if you are going to put a comma after you, i suggest you also put a comma in front of for. otherwise i would not use a comma after you. i liked this couplet quite a bit, but i had to look up the definition of lee to know that it works well here. it seems to fit very well; i am not very familiar with the word lee.
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    Tomorrow may be for sheer felicity, harbinger
    You've to aim your goals pulling trigger
    - -
    defintion of harbinger, from online:

    harbinger


    har·bin·ger h??b?n??/ noun
    plural har·bin·gers
    [count]: something that shows what is coming — usually + of ? The warm weather is a harbinger of spring. ? Is this news a harbinger of better days to come? ? a harbinger of death/doom
    - -
    .....GIVEN THE DEFINITION of harbinger, i would suggest writing the following line differently.

    YOUR WAY: Tomorrow may be for sheer felicity, harbinger

    MY WAY: Tomorrow may be, OF sheer felicity, A harbinger. i have capitalized to make clearer how i changed the line. i used commas in front of and after of sheer felicity.
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    HIRA, I COPIED THE FOLLOWING RULES FOR USING COLONS [: ] AND SEMICOLONS [; ] from online:

    Semicolon & Colon Rules


    Semicolon Used to Join Two Complete Sentences

    Example 1: Mary ate dinner; the dinner tasted exquisite.

    Example 2: By age 15, Ivan had cooked 300 meals; by age 20, he had cooked twice that amount.

    Semicolon Used with Words Like 'however and Phrases Like for example

    Example 1: Mary ate dinner; however, she was hungry an hour later.

    Example 2: Mary's dinner was made with several spices; for example, the chicken was sprinkled with Cayenne pepper.

    Semicolon Used to Clarify a List of Items When Each Item has Punctuation Within Itself

    Mary's favorite dinner foods are chicken, with Cayenne pepper; salad, with Italian dressing; toast, with garlic and butter; and soup, with scallions, cheese, and mushrooms.

    Colon Used to Further Explain or Introduce a List

    Further Explanation with Two Sentences: Mary's dinner reminded her of the back yard: both contained many wonderful colors and smells.

    Further Explanation with a List: Mary's dinner consisted of the following: salad, soup, chicken, and toast.

    Further Explanation with a Quotation: The words Ivan spoke were very kind: Mary, I made this dinner especially for you, dear.

    Colon Used with Ratios, Titles and Subtitles of Books, City and Publisher in Bibliographies, Hours and Minutes, and Formal Letters

    Ratio: Mary's ratio of carbohydrate intake to protein was 3: 1.

    Titles and Subtitles: Mary enjoys reading the book Tastebud Heaven: Homemade Meals for the Distinguished Palette.

    City and Publisher in Bibliography: New York: Norton,1999

    Hours and Minutes: Mary ate dinner at 9: 12.

    Formal Letters: Dear Editor:

    [end of rules]
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    HIRA, in the following lines

    Get ready for tomorrow
    These rules you must follow;

    you use a SEMICOLON where i think i would use a COLON. SEE THE RULE WHICH I COPY HERE:

    RULE: Colon Used to Further Explain or Introduce a List

    so, HIRA, you are introducing a list of rules, right?


    ALSO, i would use commas or semicolons (probably semicolons) between each of YOUR RULES, to make the reading of them easier and clearer.
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    hira, you use a lot of words which i have rarely if ever used. that is not a complaint. i don't have as large a vocabulary as a lot of poemhunter members probably have. BUT i have survived 65 years with the words i know! :) bri
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    in the lines:

    Pay gratitude
    before your lord[Allah Almighty], only bow
    go to Him in weal and woe

    I would put a PERIOD or a comma and AND after gratitude. i would NOT put the comma after [Allah Almighty]. and i would put a period or a semicolon after only bow.

    some places [WHERE YOU HAVEN'T] i would use periods to indicate the ends of sentences and capitalize the first word in the sentences. it SEEMS as though you are inconsistent in following these normal rules of sentence construction for prose, though i realize some poets (many poets) use different methods when writing poetry. poetic license? ? ? ?
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    why do you use the word weal? maybe i did not find the definition you used or maybe you used the wrong word or worded the sentence in such a way that i don't understand you. OK....i looked some more (at different sites online) and found two definitions. one DOES fit well in your poem. the other one does not! guess which one i found first.

    the definitions for WEAL which i found:
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    Definition of WEAL
    1
    : a sound, healthy, or prosperous state: well-being
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    2 weal
    noun
    Definition of WEAL
    : welt
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    weal1
    wel/
    noun
    noun: weal; plural noun: weals; noun: wheal; plural noun: wheals

    1.
    a red, swollen mark left on flesh by a blow or pressure.
    Medicine
    an area of the skin that is temporarily raised, typically reddened, and usually accompanied by itching.


    [the 2nd and 3rd definitions are the same ]

    - - - - - - - - -
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - well, i hope some of this helps you, Hira. your friend, bri :)
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  • Thomas Vaughan Jones (1/28/2014 8:39:00 AM)

    Blessings Hira. I always appreciate the enthusiasm of our young poets but I believe that, as all aspiring writers they wish to learn and improve. In this spirit, I offer you my humble opinions and critique. Please take that which you need and disregard the rest as the ramblings of an old fossil. Firstly, although I love rhyme, it has it's place. Do not force yourself to seek a rhyme at the end of each line. In fact, this is known as Forced rhyme and can be a grievous fault.
    Secondly, as you have chosen rhyming couplets, the repetitive phrase Tomorrow may be or may not be becomes superfluos and interrupts your message. Peace and success in all you do.
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  • Hira Akhtar (1/27/2014 8:43:00 PM)

    thank you so much all... ;)
    and i seek the grace of both Allah and His Prophet Hazrat Muhammad S.A.W
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  • S.zaynab Kamoonpuri (1/27/2014 10:04:00 AM)

    Yes may Allah bles us. This had excelent rhyming. Nice epic style. Enjoyd yor selfmotivation. (Report)Reply

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  • Ahatisham Alam (1/27/2014 8:35:00 AM)

    beautifully written.
    you seek the grace of almighty Allah. but I seek the grace of Prophet Mohammad s/a.
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  • Misha Allport (1/26/2014 12:15:00 PM)

    A wonderful energy moves through this poem with Hira's clear vision of the possibities of the future, in all of their manifestations! -Mishk Allport-Fortaleza, Brasil (Report)Reply

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  • (1/26/2014 12:08:00 PM)

    Beautiful poem. Very smooth and nice piece of art. (Report)Reply

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  • Xelam Kan™ (1/26/2014 9:41:00 AM)

    hola, pequeña y dulce poetisa dejan de escribir y leer más sobre todo la buena poesía.
    tnx
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