Professor Poetry Hound
Biography of Professor Poetry Hound
......................................An Infinite Lives. An Infinite Deaths. Only for.....................................
.............................................Immortal Poetry Criticism from the............................................
............................................Maestro of Criticism, Poetry Hound............................................
Uber-critic Poetry Hound's poetic criticisms of ubiquitously holistic views can be found in his latest books of poetry criticism, “Dementia In the Workplace” and “C'mon! Be An Earthling! ” His swirling critical output exceeds in length the effluvial output of Nikhil Parekh, who has dropped a great load upon the earth.
Poetry Hound has sent his poetic criticisms to world leaders, who perfunctorily acknowledge their receipt. Poetry Hound deludes himself into believing that these terse responses from the leaders represent tributes to his almighty critical insights and immortal talents. He therefore asserts that his poetic criticism has been swooned over by The Honorable Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard; The Right Honorable Mr. Paul Martin, Canada; The President of Republic of France Monsieur Jacques Chirac; and the President of Republic of China, The Honorable Mr. Chen (I was too lazy to look up his first name) , among others. When people tell Poetry Hound that anyone can get these kinds of letters from world leaders, he ignores them.
Passions from the heart have led extremely well-known poetry Uber-critic Poetry Hound along the path of thought-provoking insights through books of poetry criticism that are full of naïve and plodding commentary on Anti-Terrorism and preservation of the Environment and Wildlife. His insights are deeper than those of Nikhil Parekh. Poetry Hound is not new to the world of swirling critical verse, “Dementia In the Workplace” and “C'mon! Be An Earthling! ” are but two of this poetry critic's eighty-five published books of poetic criticism throughout the publishing industry, world wide, everywhere globally. When people point out that none of the books have been produced by recognized publishers and that they are all self-published, Poetry Hound ignores them.
Poetry Hound also has the indistiguishable honor of having created the longest poetic criticism ever written. “The Deluded Soul” speaks presumptuously of life, as only the complexity of life can deliver. The rolling critical verse from Poetry Hound's “longest poetic criticism ever written” is exclusively the first of its kind in the pure sense of the English Language. Athough people regularly point out that there are longer poetic criticisms, Poetry Hound ignores these people and continues to maintain that his is the longest.
The unstoppable flow of poetic criticism from the poetry Uber-critic Poetry Hound's books gather words from dictionaries and thesauruses, as the Pied Piper of old gathered from dancing melodies on the flute. Poetry Hound's poetic criticism replicates “timeless” from the English language, rolling critical verse from the very depths of the critic's heart-rendering heart, from conviction and belief. Words speak clearly or maybe not so clearly as the bard's voice emerges from the depth of critical spirituality for the world to hear or not hear. This is the timeless voice of insight, the voice that leaders (who shall remain nameless) gather unintended wisdom from to acknowledge and honor. If this seems incoherent, don't bother pointing it out to Poetry Hound as he will simply ignore you.
Poetry Hound speaks tirelessly and indefatigably and inexhaustively and unrelentingly and non-reduntantly on Anti-Terrorism and Global Peace in his book, “Dementia In the Workplace, ” wherein he states, “Good writing overrules diabolical evil, Precision in word usage overrules treacherous bloodshed, and derisive Laughter overrules satanic hatred.”
Uber-critic Poetry Hound speaks with frank sincerity and sincere frankness about the environment and wildlife in his book, “C'mon! Be An Earthling! ” wherein he directs readers to “Go to school; learn a useful trade, and GET A JOB! instead of frittering away your life poring over the thesaurus, writing insignificant verse, pandering to world leaders, leeching off your parents, and trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records. That way, the chapter of godly existence can continue forever and ever and ever.” Poetry Hound's lips speak the omnicient mantra, “Write Crappy Poetry and Be Ridiculed.” Truer words have never been not unspoken.
All must now gather and bow down before extremely well-known grandmaster poetry Uber-critic Poetry Hound, who is the supreme, all-knowing voice of the future, emerging through recognition to be recognized in the fight for partial world peace and the semi-sanctity of all living things.
HOW TO WRITE A POEM:
For those of you who would like to be an immortal poet like Nikhil Parekh, here is Poetry Hound's poem-writing chart. Here is the format for your poem:
Her immortal ____ is _____ ______.
Her immortal ____ is _____ ______.
Now just pick any three digit number and match it in the chart to get the first line of your poem. For example,230 would give you, 'Her immortal hair is eminently redundant.' Pick another number for the second line of your poem, and so forth until your poem is completed.
0. mouth..... 0. unfailingly....... 0. redundant
1. nose....... 1. silently........... 1. applauding
2. hair........ 2. conspicuously.. 2. irrelevant
3. foot........ 3. eminently....... 3. calcified
4. stomach.. 4. ardently......... 4. apolitical
5. buttocks.. 5. stubbornly...... 5. hyperventillating
6. armpit..... 6. suddenly........ 6. triangular
7. neck....... 7. reliably........... 7. inflated
8. nosehair... 8. lavishly.......... 8. trout-like
9. chin........ 9. unspeakably.... 9. levitating
Professor Poetry Hound's Works:
A Selection of Some Of the Books By Uber-Critic Poetry Hound:
Dementia In the Workplace
C'mon! Be An Earthling!
How To Use A Dictionary To Find Big Words To Awkwardly Insert In Your Poems
The Pathalogical Psychosis of Individuals Who Seek To Be In the Guinness Book of Records
How To Interview Yourself and Then Pass It Off As An Authentic Interview
How To Write To World Leaders, Recieve Standard Responses From Their Staffs, and Then Falsely Claim They are Letters of Praise
Professor Poetry Hound Poems
When We Go To Heaven
When we go, do we all have to play harps? If we do, I'm assuming we'll instantly know how to play them, right? It's not like we'll have to take lessons or anything, right? (cause you know what drudgery that can be - all
Alternative Voicing: Fox News Stops By T...
Whose woods these are, I think I know A Liberal from the village though, A welfare cheat without a job Too lazy to come and watch the snow.
Gangster Movies In Heaven
Someone told me that when we go to heaven, it will be full of Hollywood gangster movies and we’ll have to select which one we want to live in forever. I assume you’ll choose The
Are You Judging Me?
I was thinking that Judgment Day might not be the big phantasmagoric Hollywood laser show kind of deal that some people think it will be. It might actually be a fairly low-key affair. And it
Do Pets Go To Heaven?
Am I going to be reunited with all my old pets in heaven? I sure hope not.
Do you think God knows what I’m thinking right now? How about right nnnnnnnnnnow? It’s pretty amazing to think that he knows
Why do you think God created so many religions? Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight and didn’t anticipate how annoying they would become, always running around claiming they’re the only
Babies Who Sin
I know you believe that Christ died for your sins, but did he die for the people who haven’t sinned? I know you’re going to say that everyone sins. But
Alternative Voicing: Catcher In The Daff...
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is what I was doing standing there like an idiot
Alternative Voicing: Charge Of The Light...
And so, in conclusion, from the aforementioned, it can be ascertained that the Light Brigade - which the reader will discern was the moniker applied to a cavalry
I saw Pope Ratzinger on TV the other day. Now, here’s a guy who used to drive around in a Chevy and now everyone wants to kiss his big toe. Don’t you think it’s kind of bizarre how
Do you realize that everything that happens to you is because of God’s will? Every time your wife yells at you and slams the door, it is God’s will. And that
Big Fat Phonies
Did you know that the bible says it’s an abomination to eat shellfish? Yesiree, it’s right there in black and white. No doubt about it. And yet, look at all the self- righteous bible-quoting bozos complaining about gay
Do you think Jesus listens to Christian rock music? If he does, that really lowers him in my estimation. That music is so cheesy. What kind of music do you think he listens to? Maybe he listens to everything
Trumpets, Part 2
I found out I had it wrong the other day when
I talked about Jesus playing the trumpet on
Judgment Day. Someone told me that he
won’t be doing that and that other folks will
handle the trumpet chores.
Actually, what’s more likely is that the
trumpet-players will be invisible and you’ll
just sort of hear the sound everywhere,