Professor Poetry Hound Poems

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Maybe it’s a good thing that the Romans killed Jesus.
I don’t mean that it’s good that he suffered and died,
but his punishment sure was better than what would
happen to him today under the U.S. penal system. I can

One Day At The Gym

I had a dream last Tuesday night that Jesus showed
up at my gym and started working out. At first, I
was delighted and honored. But I thought it odd that
he pretty much stuck to that machine where you sit

Thanks For The Disaster

You know how when there’s a disaster where a bunch of
people are killed and the one guy who survives thanks God?
I think that’s a pretty screwed up perspective on the situation.
I know he’s happy to be alive, but if anything, he should be

Burn A Row House For Christ

Our congregation is having problems with some very
annoying neighbors. They’re always complaining that
we take up all the parking spots on Sunday. We tell
them we need those spots for people coming to

Bad Poetry About God

I think God deserves better than the kind of chintzy
fairytale poetry written by religious people. He is
far more powerful than them or their pathetic and
conceited attempts to scare people with threats a

Killing Time In The Kingdom Of Heaven

Exactly what does one do in eternity?
Do you just walk around all day
in loose-fitting togas?


Isn’t it frustrating how Muslims say you’ll go to hell
if you’re not a Muslim and Christians say you’ll go
to hell if you’re not a Christian? There’s no way to win.
You just have to gamble that you choose the right

Automobile Insurance

Can I just blame anything that goes wrong on Satan?
I mean, lots of things go wrong in this world. So can
we blame the tsunami on Satan? What about that guy
who opened his door into my car in the parking lot


I just realized that we don’t really know what Jesus looked like.
Sure, there are all those artists’ renderings, but they're just
made up. And we certainly don’t know what he’ll look like
when he returns. Why should we assume he’ll have long

Spanish Lesson

I was in Guadalajara last Tuesday, and a waiter
came up to my table wearing a nametag that
said his name was Jesus. I couldn’t believe his
audacity and presumptuousness making fun of