Professor Poetry Hound Poems

Hit Title Date Added
My Woody For Him

I was at the lumberyard last Tuesday and I bought a
piece of cedar board that has this kind of Jesus-like

image in the grain. I think with a little creative use of

Coming Through!

You know how some people say the
streets of heaven are paved with gold?
Don’t you think that’s a little clichéd?
I think they may have lifted that from

Homeland Security

I bought a Doberman puppy last Tuesday
and named him Sal, short for Salvation.
My busybody neighbor said the name was
disgraceful and blasphemous. I told her to

Sweatin’ To The Scripture

You know that popular exercise machine
called the “Stairmaster? ” Well, I have a money-
making idea for motivating out-of-shape religious
people to start working out. We could invent a

Concussions For Jesus

You know how when some people have
head injuries it changes their personalities?
Like sometimes they have recurring
hallucinations or weird thoughts. So I was

Angels With Laptops

How does Jesus know when someone commits a sin?
Are there little surveillance angels loitering around
just waiting to catch people jaywalking or cursing or
something? Man, how do they keep track of all of it?

Sunday School Reenactment

One time back in Sunday school, they forced
us to participate in this dopey reenactment of
Jesus’ crucifixion. We had to put on red foam
rubber clown noses and big clumsy clown shoes

The Chump

Do you think Jesus has ever sat around with guys
like Superman and Spiderman and compared
super powers? Boy, I would love to listen in on


I was thinking about what would happen if Jesus
had been on the Titanic when everyone was
evacuating and they were only letting women
and children onto the lifeboats. Do you think he


Everyone knows that proselytizers like you are fairly
robotic in their thinking and behavior. So if that’s the
case, why not be totally truthful about it and start
speaking in a robotic way when you meet people? Try