I was at the lumberyard last Tuesday and I bought a
piece of cedar board that has this kind of Jesus-like
image in the grain. I think with a little creative use of
You know how some people say the
streets of heaven are paved with gold?
Don’t you think that’s a little clichéd?
I think they may have lifted that from
I bought a Doberman puppy last Tuesday
and named him Sal, short for Salvation.
My busybody neighbor said the name was
disgraceful and blasphemous. I told her to
You know that popular exercise machine
called the “Stairmaster? ” Well, I have a money-
making idea for motivating out-of-shape religious
people to start working out. We could invent a
You know how when some people have
head injuries it changes their personalities?
Like sometimes they have recurring
hallucinations or weird thoughts. So I was
How does Jesus know when someone commits a sin?
Are there little surveillance angels loitering around
just waiting to catch people jaywalking or cursing or
something? Man, how do they keep track of all of it?
One time back in Sunday school, they forced
us to participate in this dopey reenactment of
Jesus’ crucifixion. We had to put on red foam
rubber clown noses and big clumsy clown shoes
Do you think Jesus has ever sat around with guys
like Superman and Spiderman and compared
super powers? Boy, I would love to listen in on
I was thinking about what would happen if Jesus
had been on the Titanic when everyone was
evacuating and they were only letting women
and children onto the lifeboats. Do you think he