Quotations From GEORGE KAUFMAN


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  • You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Woods. Fiorello (Chico Marx), A Night at the Opera, responding to Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx) who has just explained the "Sanity Clause" in a singer's contract (1935).
  • When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, in opening scene to his patron Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont) after Driftwood (Groucho Marx) has wined and dined the wrong dinner date while sitting back-to-back to Mrs. Claypool all night (1935).

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  • Fifty-eight? That's an awful big number for a birdcage this size!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, said to the steward who sticks Driftwood in a small stateroom aboard the boat to America; soon the tiny room will be stuffed with wall-to-wall people in one of movie comedy's most famous scenes (1935).
  • Nine dollars and forty cents! This is an outrage! If I were you, I wouldn't pay it!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, to his dinner date after sticking her with the check (1935).
  • Every time I get romantic with you, you want to talk business. I don't know, there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman.
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, to his patron Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont) in an attempt to woo her (1935).

    Read more quotations about / on: romantic, woman, time
  • Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! On account of you I almost heard the opera!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, angry complaint to the hansom cab driver who accidentally veered too close to the opera Driftwood is involved with (1935).
  • If you're not back there in ten minutes, I'll be back here in eleven—with squeaky shoes on!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, to his patron Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont) while trying to woo her aboard the boat to America (1935).
  • I've never had any complaints yet!
    George Kaufman, U.S. screenwriter, Morrie Ryskind, and Sam Wood. Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx), A Night at the Opera, while boarding the boat to American, in response to Mrs. Claypool's (Margaret Dumont) question "Are you sure you have everything, Otis?" (1935).
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