Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

1. Yellow Pocket Bike 9/3/2005
2. Attacked 9/3/2005
3. A 2nd Poem About Hoss 9/9/2005
4. 4th Of July 9/4/2005
5. We Have To Talk 9/5/2005
6. Sylvester 9/5/2005
7. Respect 9/5/2005
8. Twister 9/10/2005
9. Agnes 9/10/2005
10. Toothless 9/17/2005
11. I'M No Superhero 9/15/2005
12. Home Improvement 9/18/2005
13. My Crappy Go Cart 9/20/2005
14. Rain & Thunderstorms 7/6/2006
15. I Got A Lickin For Eating A Chicken 7/18/2006
16. Liars! 9/3/2006
17. He Ate All Of The Doughnuts 9/18/2006
18. You Should Be Put In Your Place 10/10/2006
19. Turns To Gold 10/30/2006
20. Superficial 11/1/2006
21. Farewell Jack Palance 11/16/2006
22. Records 12/5/2006
23. Norman Part 3 12/16/2006
24. Ford 12/28/2006
25. She Poured My Beers Down The Drain 12/29/2006
26. End Of 2006 12/31/2006
27. Child Beater 1/3/2007
28. Picking Up Women 1/5/2007
29. Our Vows Meant Nothing To Her 1/10/2007
30. Don'T Have The Special! 1/27/2007
31. Heaven 2/6/2007
32. Anna Nicole 2/9/2007
33. Farley Forever 3/31/2007
34. P.O.W. 4/9/2007
35. Sent To Prison 4/15/2006
36. You Killed My Son's Cat 5/1/2007
37. Swastika 5/6/2007
38. Sometimes I Feel Like Screaming 6/8/2007
39. Stop Putting Yourself Down! 6/9/2007
40. To Err Is Human 6/11/2007

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Poem By Poem By (12/3/2017 8:39:00 PM)

    Very fun stuff! ! ! ! !

    I think of nutty titles too and on occassion write about them.
    You do it so freely and well! !

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  • Gene Gamble (1/26/2009 9:22:00 PM)

    God wants us to be happy: In this poem your route to heaven in theology & Truth is in error. There was a price that was paid and it is a choice. Not of works. Read John 3: 16 again. Make what one is accountable for, not of misleading in the teachings of the Gospel message. Let the Spirit guide you. God bless.

  • Native Dreamer (1/7/2009 5:04:00 PM)

    'I told you I was sick' words written on the great comedian Spike Milligans headstone. Humours a great force of social change keep it up. Maybe if you did it on the streets you might get loose change. Dont be crude cause it might turn nude I speak in rhyme all the time. This comment is dragging on sorry keep on enjoying writing.

  • Corey Threet (6/13/2008 8:48:00 PM)

    You have some very humorous poems I love your style unfortunately Frozen tongue was not fictional in my lol thnx for the entrainment

  • Tyease Collins Tyease Collins (5/29/2008 7:31:00 PM)

    'He looka lika man' Hilarious show and poem. That was too priceless.


  • unknown Viper (1/2/2008 6:34:00 PM)

    on'Loch Ness monster raped me'. very funny...maybe to propagate its specie :)

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds


Now you'll go to prison with attempted rape.
Thank goodness the lady was able to escape.
You won't enjoy going back to jail.
When she kicked you in the crotch, it must have hurt like hell.
You thought you could destroy her with your attack.
But this time the lady fought back.

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