Randy Johnson Poems
|402.||Please Feed My Daughter||9/22/2007|
|403.||Ace Up My Sleeve||10/14/2007|
|406.||Every Moment Should Be Treasured||10/17/2007|
|414.||You Weren'T Delivered By A Stork!||11/4/2007|
|415.||I Kissed Another Girl||11/5/2007|
|416.||That's Gotta Hurt!||11/11/2007|
|418.||My Dentist's Revenge||11/16/2007|
|419.||Many Doors Are Closed||4/25/2007|
|421.||That Damn Dog||5/9/2007|
|422.||The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword||9/29/2007|
|425.||Keep Them Coming||10/10/2007|
|426.||I'Ll Put Her On A Pedestal||10/12/2007|
|429.||If Eve Hadn'T Ate That Apple||12/12/2007|
|432.||Let's Pray For Charles Johnson||11/27/2011|
|434.||A Christmas Miracle||12/25/2011|
|437.||The Late Roger Williams||10/8/2012|
|438.||I Will Not Give Up!||4/29/2012|
Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.
A Day Of Bad Luck
All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.
A guy tried to take my taxi so he and I had a bout.
I thought I could win but he turned me inside out.
I learned that I have a jaw that's made of glass.
I lost several of my teeth when that guy kicked my ass.