Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

401. Gelded Race Horse 2/22/2019
402. Crosby Park 2/25/2019
403. Kool-Aid Criminal 3/4/2019
404. Ed 3/4/2019
405. Rest In Peace, Mom - Part Iv 3/6/2019
406. The Gift Of Swift 3/6/2019
407. Robert G. Durant 3/7/2019
408. Deadly Magical Power 3/8/2019
409. Your Wife Is Carrying My Baby 3/11/2019
410. Brotherly Death 3/13/2019
411. Half An Inch 3/15/2019
412. God Is Cracking Down 3/16/2019
413. Nobody Will Pay The Kidnapper 3/18/2019
414. Springtime 3/20/2019
415. My Evil Stepmother And I 3/22/2019
416. Stuck Up Twit 3/22/2019
417. Anchovies 3/23/2019
418. The Rejected Baby 3/24/2019
419. Falsely Accused By Billions 3/28/2019
420. Bill Maynard 3/30/2019
421. Your Car Sucks! 3/30/2019
422. April Fool's Prank 4/1/2019
423. Rocky Balboa Isn't As Tough As He Thought 4/3/2019
424. Strike 4/4/2019
425. 125 Bucks 4/12/2019
426. My Stupid Nanny 4/12/2019
427. Second Thoughts 4/20/2019
428. Mother's Day 5/12/2019
429. Tim Conway's Passing 5/15/2019
430. Why I Convinced My Daughter To Sue 5/21/2019
431. God Bless Those Who Fought And Died 5/27/2019
432. Smoke Free 6/3/2019
433. The Late Ted Cassidy 6/7/2019
434. Jack Schwartzman 6/15/2019
435. John Wayne Brown 6/17/2019
436. The Red Dots On His Face 6/18/2019
437. John Wayne Brown 2 6/23/2019
438. John Wayne Brown 3 6/26/2019
439. My Murder 6/27/2019
440. Even Blanks Will Kill 6/28/2019

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A 2nd Poem About Hoss

(Instead of revising my original Hoss(Dan Blocker) poem, I decided to write another Hoss poem.)

He made Bonanza a great success.
He was born in Bowie County, Texas.
After Dan Blocker died, Bonanza went on.
But it wasn't the same after he was gone.

At fourteen pounds he was the largest baby born in his town.
Eighteen years later he stood six feet three and weighed three hundred pounds.