Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

481. Your Days Of Abusing Him Are Going To Stop 9/11/2007
482. That Damn Two Cents! 9/13/2007
483. I Snapped 9/20/2007
484. Please Feed My Daughter 9/22/2007
485. Perverts 10/6/2007
486. Great Granddad 10/7/2007
487. Keep Them Coming 10/10/2007
488. I'Ll Put Her On A Pedestal 10/12/2007
489. The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword 9/29/2007
490. The Hitchhiker 12/2/2007
491. Happy 48th! 8/19/2019
492. Nintendo Fired Mario 8/25/2019
493. One Of The Greatest Dogs On The Planet 8/27/2019
494. My Name Is Horace 8/29/2019
495. Princess Peach Turned Out To Be A Snob 9/1/2019
496. Chun Li Kicks People's Asses 9/7/2019
497. Happy 49th Birthday 9/9/2019
498. An Entire Nation Still Mourns 9/11/2019
499. My Stolen General Lee 9/18/2019
500. I Love The Autumn 9/23/2019
501. You Ruined My Birthday 9/25/2019
502. Chicken Shit 9/26/2019
503. If Video Games Were Like Crack 9/27/2019
504. The 3do 9/29/2019
505. 72 10/18/2019
506. My Brother Chopped Off His Hand 10/20/2019
507. The Death Of Robert Forster 10/27/2019
508. Why Working At Gamestop Can Suck 10/31/2019
509. Smoke Free - Part Iv 11/3/2019
510. Red 11/11/2019
511. Arthenia's Birthday 11/12/2019
512. A Family Who Won't Forgive 11/27/2019
513. Merry Christmas, Mom - Part 7 12/1/2019
514. Nintendo's Wii U Got A Bum Rap 12/2/2019
515. John Wayne Brown - Part 4 12/3/2019
516. What I Got For Christmas 12/11/2019
517. My Wife Isn't Pregnant 12/14/2019
518. At Midnight Tonight 12/31/2019
519. Prohibition In The Usa 1/1/2020
520. Hog Jowls And Black-Eyed Peas 1/1/2020

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

My Grandpa

(Dedicated to Burkette Greene who passed away February 7,1998.)

He cherished everyday of his life.
He was a casual man with five kids and a wife.
Sadly his wife died and left him on his own.
He then raised his kids and he did it all alone.

He was eighty-seven when he passed away.