When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.
Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.
It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
Now he tortures people by forcing them to watch the new Doctor Who.
This is the eighth Mother's Day that has come around since you died.
You were one of the world's greatest mothers and that can't be denied.
Time flies, it doesn't seem like eight Mother's Days have come around.
Life stopped being as good when you were lowered into the ground.
When my friend and I finally got chicks, they decided to leave us.
My friend's name is Butt-Head and my name is Beavis.
I thought that I was pregnant even though I'm a boy.
Because Butt-Head and I are stupid, people get annoyed.
Jerry Stiller has died at the age of 92, he lived to a ripe old age.
He starred in movies, television shows and also on stage.
Jerry starred in both Seinfeld and The King of Queens.
He also starred in My 5 wives, Hairspray and Sweet 15.
Poor Steve Cash decided that he wanted to die.
When we lose a good person, we always ask why.
He made Talking Kitty Cat videos and that was great.
But when he took his life, it was something we would hate.
Today is May the 25th and it's Memorial Day.
We're paying tribute to those who fought and died for the USA.
Many brave soldiers gave their lives.
We're paying tribute to the ones who didn't survive.
He did drugs for many years and he finally had to pay.
Because of his drug use, he died one year ago today.
He overdosed last year and sadly, he could not survive.
If he would've had the courage to say no to drugs, he'd still be alive.
A jerk thought he was being smart when he stole my Ford truck.
But he didn't know that it had no brakes and he was out of luck.
I removed the worn out ones but I hadn't gotten around to putting on new brakes.
The thief soon realized that stealing my truck was a bad idea and a huge mistake.
The year is half over, today is the 30th of June.
The first half of this year went by pretty soon.
In just a few days, we'll celebrate the 4th of July.
Firecrackers will pop and bottle rockets will soar into the sky.
(Dedicated to Jack Palance who died November 10,2006.)
You starred in Ripley's believe it or not and in plenty of movies too.
You gave a good performance in Batman until Jack Nicholson murdered you.