Randy Johnson


Randy Johnson Poems

641. Money Tree 8/23/2006
642. Whooped By A Kindergartner 9/16/2005
643. Philanthropist 9/6/2005
644. I'Ll Be There To Hold Your Hand 6/4/2007
645. You'Re Living In Paradise 4/30/2006
646. French 9/17/2005
647. My Stinking Honda 9/14/2005
648. Deer Hunting 10/21/2007
649. Perseverance 10/19/2007
650. Don'T Commit Suicide 12/6/2010
651. The Good Samaritan 2/22/2007
652. Burger 2/11/2008
653. Batman 3/9/2008
654. Everybody Deserves A Second Chance 12/16/2007
655. Ebenezer Scrooge 12/25/2011
656. Elvis Presley: The Same Amount Of Time 8/16/2019
657. 4 A.M. 2/23/2007
658. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Dumb 8/2/2006
659. Like The Boy Who Cried Wolf 8/10/2006
660. Frankenstein's Monster 12/22/2010
661. I'M Spider-Man 4/23/2007
662. Symbol Of Love 1/16/2008
663. A Day Of Bad Luck 9/7/2005
664. You Got My Sister Pregnant 10/24/2006
665. Xbox 360 8/5/2006
666. 100 Dogs 11/28/2007
667. A Date With Pamela Anderson 9/3/2005
668. 800 Pounds 10/11/2006

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.
She...

Read the full of 800 Pounds

My Grandpa

(Dedicated to Burkette Greene who passed away February 7,1998.)


He cherished everyday of his life.
He was a casual man with five kids and a wife.
Sadly his wife died and left him on his own.
He then raised his kids and he did it all alone.

He was eighty-seven when he passed away.

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