Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

641. Money Tree 8/23/2006
642. Lousy Pilot 9/13/2006
643. Dumbass 9/4/2006
644. I'Ll Be There To Hold Your Hand 6/4/2007
645. You'Re Living In Paradise 4/30/2006
646. French 9/17/2005
647. My Stinking Honda 9/14/2005
648. Philanthropist 9/6/2005
649. Donkey Kong Junior 12/17/2007
650. God Will Take Care Of You 11/27/2007
651. Deer Hunting 10/21/2007
652. Perseverance 10/19/2007
653. Don'T Commit Suicide 12/6/2010
654. The Good Samaritan 2/22/2007
655. Burger 2/11/2008
656. Batman 3/9/2008
657. Everybody Deserves A Second Chance 12/16/2007
658. 4 A.M. 2/23/2007
659. Elvis Presley: The Same Amount Of Time 8/16/2019
660. Like The Boy Who Cried Wolf 8/10/2006
661. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Dumb 8/2/2006
662. Ebenezer Scrooge 12/25/2011
663. Frankenstein's Monster 12/22/2010
664. I'M Spider-Man 4/23/2007
665. Symbol Of Love 1/16/2008
666. A Day Of Bad Luck 9/7/2005
667. 100 Dogs 11/28/2007
668. You Got My Sister Pregnant 10/24/2006
669. Xbox 360 8/5/2006
670. A Date With Pamela Anderson 9/3/2005
671. 800 Pounds 10/11/2006

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A Day Of Bad Luck

All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.

A guy tried to take my taxi so he and I had a bout.
I thought I could win but he turned me inside out.
I learned that I have a jaw that's made of glass.
I lost several of my teeth when that guy kicked my ass.