Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

81. The Temptations Of Christ 12/27/2007
82. How Was God Created? 12/28/2007
83. 2007 Comes To An End 12/31/2007
84. The Loch Ness Monster Raped Me 1/2/2008
85. Doom 1/4/2008
86. Malcolm In The Middle 1/5/2008
87. You Might As Well Have Cut Her Heart Out 1/6/2008
88. My Life Is Flashing Before My Eyes 1/7/2008
89. Dialysis 1/8/2008
90. Villechaize 1/8/2008
91. She's In Labor 1/10/2008
92. Buttermilk 1/20/2008
93. Cain And Abel 1/21/2008
94. Burned To The Ground 1/22/2008
95. Seed 1/23/2008
96. Cheap! 1/24/2008
97. Monster 1/25/2008
98. Dear John 1/25/2008
99. Sixty 1/27/2008
100. Butterfly 1/28/2008
101. He Shot His Daughter 1/29/2008
102. The Virgin 2/1/2008
103. Obama 'Revised Edition' 2/2/2008
104. I Voted Against Phil Bredesen Part 2 1/12/2008
105. Bluto Vs. Popeye 1/13/2008
106. Ex-Producer 1/15/2008
107. The Little Boy's Cat 2/4/2008
108. I Like Black People 2/5/2008
109. The Day The Little Boy Drowned 2/6/2008
110. You Are Too Young To Get Married 2/9/2008
111. Morse 2/10/2008
112. Obama 1/16/2008
113. 220 Volt Shock 1/18/2008
114. Black Customers 2/12/2008
115. Scheider 2/13/2008
116. Seventy-Eights 2/15/2008
117. Obama Can Do It! 2/16/2008
118. Our Son 2/18/2008
119. You Gave A Little Boy A Joint 2/19/2008
120. Candy Bar 2/21/2008

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A 2nd Poem About Hoss

(Instead of revising my original Hoss(Dan Blocker) poem, I decided to write another Hoss poem.)

He made Bonanza a great success.
He was born in Bowie County, Texas.
After Dan Blocker died, Bonanza went on.
But it wasn't the same after he was gone.

At fourteen pounds he was the largest baby born in his town.
Eighteen years later he stood six feet three and weighed three hundred pounds.

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