Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

161. On The Run 4/27/2008
162. America Wants To Hear Your Voice 4/27/2008
163. April 29,1988 4/29/2008
164. Sick Twisted Revenge 5/8/2008
165. Handicapped 5/9/2008
166. The Lone Ranger 5/12/2008
167. Begala's Insult 5/14/2008
168. Kentucky's Voting Day 5/15/2008
169. A1 Yeah, It's That Important 5/16/2008
170. Hey, That's My Pickle! 5/21/2008
171. That Damn Trix Rabbit 5/22/2008
172. Korman 5/30/2008
173. Goodbye Michael Wisher 5/31/2008
174. Obama Did It! 6/7/2008
175. It's Not Karma, It's God 6/7/2008
176. Gore Was Cheated 6/12/2008
177. Frozen Tongue 6/13/2008
178. Penny And Brain 6/18/2008
179. Bob Hope 6/24/2008
180. I Had To Pay With My Life 6/28/2008
181. Silver Lining 6/28/2008
182. Carrie Fisher 6/30/2008
183. Shave Your Damn Legs! 7/7/2008
184. I Gave You A Twenty 7/8/2008
185. Cuckoo For Cocoa Puffs 7/13/2008
186. Elevator Shaft 7/15/2008
187. These Damn Laxatives 7/16/2008
188. God Is The Best! 7/19/2008
189. Life Without My Son 7/20/2008
190. Estelle Getty 7/25/2008
191. Jesus Came To My House 7/27/2008
192. I'M Not A God 8/5/2008
193. Wal-Mart's Blunder 8/9/2008
194. Little Red Riding Hood 8/30/2008
195. Obama Is The Man 8/31/2008
196. Mccain Only Cares About The Rich 9/1/2008
197. This Damn War 9/2/2008
198. Hillary Wants Obama To Win 9/3/2008
199. Bush Has Ran This Country Into The Ground 9/4/2008
200. Obama Loves America 9/7/2008
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A 2nd Poem About Hoss

(Instead of revising my original Hoss(Dan Blocker) poem, I decided to write another Hoss poem.)

He made Bonanza a great success.
He was born in Bowie County, Texas.
After Dan Blocker died, Bonanza went on.
But it wasn't the same after he was gone.

At fourteen pounds he was the largest baby born in his town.
Eighteen years later he stood six feet three and weighed three hundred pounds.

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