Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

201. Bush Has Ran This Country Into The Ground 9/4/2008
202. Obama Loves America 9/7/2008
203. Jerry Reed 9/9/2008
204. Today Is The Day To Be Thankful 11/27/2008
205. One Giant Leap For Black People 11/30/2008
206. Farewell Fred 12/1/2008
207. Martin Balsam 12/3/2008
208. Paul Benedict 12/7/2008
209. A 2nd Poem About Anthony Ainley 12/10/2008
210. A Train Flattened My Wiener 12/14/2008
211. Martin Luther King Junior 1/19/2009
212. Racist On Election Day 1/22/2009
213. Striking Another Human Being Is Wrong 1/24/2009
214. I Wouldn'T Have Thrown A Shoe At Bush 1/25/2009
215. I Wish I Could Call God 1/25/2009
216. In God We Trust 1/26/2009
217. God Wants Us To Be Happy 1/26/2009
218. No More Grits! 1/27/2009
219. There's Only One God 1/27/2009
220. God Is Wonderful 1/28/2009
221. God Is Wise 1/29/2009
222. The American Way 1/29/2009
223. God's Promise 1/31/2009
224. Yard Sale 5/3/2009
225. The New Doctor Who 5/8/2009
226. September 11 9/11/2008
227. We'Re All In A Sinking Boat 9/12/2008
228. Bernie Mac 9/13/2008
229. We Live Better Under Democrats 9/14/2008
230. The Only Republican That Made Me Content 9/15/2008
231. United Negro College Fund 12/20/2008
232. Christmas Isn'T About The Gifts 12/24/2008
233. Padded Bra 12/28/2008
234. Wimpy Drinks 12/31/2008
235. Lousy Lover 5/11/2009
236. A Little Piece Of Heaven 5/16/2009
237. Wendy 5/27/2009
238. The Death Of David Carradine 6/8/2009
239. Carl 6/19/2009
240. Anne Ramsey 6/21/2009

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Sasha Anonymous (9/6/2007 7:16:00 AM)

    Marvelous writing... ^_^

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Emily =) (4/6/2007 10:13:00 AM)

    I love all of your poems they are filled with humor and sadness, light hearted and serious-brilliant.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Buried Alive (12/24/2006 7:36:00 PM)

    I found 'I had sex with my mother-in-law' to be the funniest one I read.I was
    laughing my head off. I wonder if you will be writing a second part to it.

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Jeff Hobbs Jeff Hobbs (7/24/2006 7:55:00 AM)

    Loved the crammed things up your ass poem - I thought it was going to suck a pineapple, instead it inserted one! Very funny, very very funny. You should allow comments on your poems so that you can bathe in the glory!

    2 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A Day Of Bad Luck

All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.

A guy tried to take my taxi so he and I had a bout.
I thought I could win but he turned me inside out.
I learned that I have a jaw that's made of glass.
I lost several of my teeth when that guy kicked my ass.

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