Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

281. Screaming Because Of The Nightmares 9/11/2005
282. Cheap Vcr 7/12/2006
283. Bikini Top 7/14/2006
284. Barbwire Fence 7/20/2006
285. Bixby 7/21/2006
286. He Bought Me A Grave Plot 7/24/2006
287. World's Worst Barber 7/26/2006
288. Twitty 8/1/2006
289. Held At Gunpoint 8/12/2006
290. Deception 8/14/2006
291. The Plight Of 3rd World Country Children 8/18/2006
292. Tears 8/7/2006
293. Mail Order Bride 8/25/2006
294. I'M A Dumb Dentist 8/26/2006
295. You Should Show Your Wife More Respect 8/30/2006
296. I Took A Life 9/8/2010
297. Stop Wearing Makeup 9/14/2006
298. He Raped My Mule 9/15/2010
299. Wedding Gown 9/15/2010
300. Turkey Thieves 9/17/2006
301. Toupee Or Not Toupee 9/20/2006
302. Smoking In Bed 9/20/2010
303. My Big Buddy 9/21/2010
304. Father Ted 9/25/2010
305. I Was A Boy Who Grew Breasts 10/1/2006
306. Rick And Vernie's Wedding 10/1/2010
307. Quintuplets 10/2/2010
308. I Was Proud To Be His Friend 10/13/2006
309. I Stuck My P**** In A Lamp Socket 10/16/2010
310. Jesus Was A Family Man 10/17/2010
311. My Son's Suicide 10/23/2010
312. My Second Wiener 10/22/2006
313. We All Love Babies 10/26/2010
314. Broderick Crawford 10/27/2010
315. Trick Or Treating 10/27/2006
316. Marter 10/28/2006
317. Death Sentence 11/2/2006
318. Penny In The Fusebox 11/5/2006
319. Electrocuted By A Power Line 11/6/2006
320. Poor Precious 11/3/2010

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A 2nd Poem About Hoss

(Instead of revising my original Hoss(Dan Blocker) poem, I decided to write another Hoss poem.)

He made Bonanza a great success.
He was born in Bowie County, Texas.
After Dan Blocker died, Bonanza went on.
But it wasn't the same after he was gone.

At fourteen pounds he was the largest baby born in his town.
Eighteen years later he stood six feet three and weighed three hundred pounds.

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