Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson Poems

281. Pregnant 6/27/2006
282. Barbwire Fence 7/20/2006
283. Bixby 7/21/2006
284. He Bought Me A Grave Plot 7/24/2006
285. World's Worst Barber 7/26/2006
286. Twitty 8/1/2006
287. Cheap Vcr 7/12/2006
288. Bikini Top 7/14/2006
289. Tears 8/7/2006
290. Held At Gunpoint 8/12/2006
291. Deception 8/14/2006
292. The Plight Of 3rd World Country Children 8/18/2006
293. Mail Order Bride 8/25/2006
294. I'M A Dumb Dentist 8/26/2006
295. You Should Show Your Wife More Respect 8/30/2006
296. Stop Wearing Makeup 9/14/2006
297. He Raped My Mule 9/15/2010
298. Wedding Gown 9/15/2010
299. Turkey Thieves 9/17/2006
300. Toupee Or Not Toupee 9/20/2006
301. Smoking In Bed 9/20/2010
302. My Big Buddy 9/21/2010
303. Father Ted 9/25/2010
304. I Was A Boy Who Grew Breasts 10/1/2006
305. Rick And Vernie's Wedding 10/1/2010
306. Quintuplets 10/2/2010
307. Shoplifting 10/4/2010
308. Please Forgive Me, God 10/12/2010
309. You Damn Bullies 10/14/2010
310. I Was Proud To Be His Friend 10/13/2006
311. I Stuck My P**** In A Lamp Socket 10/16/2010
312. Jesus Was A Family Man 10/17/2010
313. My Son's Suicide 10/23/2010
314. My Second Wiener 10/22/2006
315. We All Love Babies 10/26/2010
316. Broderick Crawford 10/27/2010
317. Trick Or Treating 10/27/2006
318. Marter 10/28/2006
319. Death Sentence 11/2/2006
320. Penny In The Fusebox 11/5/2006

Comments about Randy Johnson

  • Untitiled and unnamed (6/29/2006 9:53:00 PM)

    X Ray Glasses,

    Hey I really liked this, such a fun poem, something I am sure all teenage boys

    wished they had, had at one time or another...

    0 person liked.
    2 person did not like.
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A 2nd Poem About Hoss

(Instead of revising my original Hoss(Dan Blocker) poem, I decided to write another Hoss poem.)

He made Bonanza a great success.
He was born in Bowie County, Texas.
After Dan Blocker died, Bonanza went on.
But it wasn't the same after he was gone.

At fourteen pounds he was the largest baby born in his town.
Eighteen years later he stood six feet three and weighed three hundred pounds.

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