Robert Benchley

(1889_1945 / Worcester, Massachusetts)

Robert Benchley Quotes

  • ''I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "No More Bananas," Harper & Brothers (1936).
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  • ''We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Isn't It Remarkable?" Harper & Brothers (1936).
  • ''The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliver and sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "The Curse Shortage," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  • ''The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Quick Quotations," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  • ''What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "The Wreck of the Sunday Paper," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  • ''Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Fall In!" Harper & Brothers (1932).
  • ''We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Here You Are—Taxi," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  • ''I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Matinées—Wednesdays and Saturdays," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  • ''I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Hiccoughing Makes Us Fat," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  • ''The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.''
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "How I Create," Harper & Brothers (1932).

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