Sebastian Seal Poems

The Romans came to Britain on Wednesday afternoon,
They came over quietly in a hot-air balloon.
'Let us in and give us your country, ' said Caesar,
'Not likely, ' we replied, 'You've got the wrong visa'.
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The yodel echoes over the oceans,
The Mighty Sea Leopard roars like thunder,
All aquatic creatures quake and flee,
Too terrified to be alone at sea.
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I'm not good at writing lyrics,
My imagination is quite limited.
So hey ho and Lobley Hill,
The juniper bush is spigotted.
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Sebastian Armstrong, a relative of mine,
Was the first seal on the moon.
He flew a million miles and arrived on time.
Cheers went round the control room.
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Inspired by the epic anime,
'Laputa, Castle in the Sky',
I decided to build my own castle,
A castle that would fly!
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I thought some fish had a jacuzzi,
There were trout and salmon and sea bass.
It looked like lots of fun.
I jumped in to join them,
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They say the world is getting hotter.
They say it's anthropological.
I say it's because of the otter.
It's a lot more logical.
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P.C. Dave is a police bear
He enjoys patrolling for a criminal.
For police work he has a flair.
His arrest record is phenomenal.
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[Historical note: this poem reflects a factual account of what happened to one of my mediaeval ancestors as he stopped for a drink on a journey along the King's Road.]

Late at night a thirsty seal wanted to visit a castle's bar.
The landlord came to the window and said, 'We're closed, have you come far? '
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I once had a worm,
The vet gave me some medicine,
It made my tummy turn,
But it helped my intestine.
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