Sidney Joseph Perelman

(1904_1979 / Brooklyn, New York City, New York)

Sidney Joseph Perelman Quotes

  • ''You're just wasting your breath and that's no great loss either!''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, a wisecrack made to his fellow stowaway Chico Marx (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
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  • ''Do you know who's sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning? Nobody, and that's my complaint!''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, a complaint shipboard stowaway Groucho makes to the ship's captain (Ben Taggart) (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''You're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, a wisecrack made while trying to woo Lucille Briggs (Thelma Todd) (1931). Ultimately a rather ironic remark. A few years later Todd was found brutally murdered in her garage. Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''Do you rumba? Well, take a rumba from one to ten!''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, proposition to his dance partner (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer!''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, responding to Lucille Briggs's (Thelma Todd) remark "You're awfully shy for a lawyer," (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, a wisecrack made to his fellow stowaway Chico Marx (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''Madam, you're making history. In fact, you're making me and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, a flirtatious remark while trying to make love to Lucille Briggs (Thelma Todd) (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
  • ''Members of the faculty, faculty members, students of Huxley and Huxley students. I guess that covers everything.''
    S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby, and Norman Z. McLeod. Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff (Groucho Marx), Horsefeathers, as a newly appointed college president in his opening remarks to staff and students (1932).
  • ''English life, while very pleasant, is rather bland. I expected kindness and gentility and I found it, but there is such a thing as too much couth.''
    S.J. Perelman (1904-1979), U.S. humorist. Quoted in Observer (London, September 24, 1971).

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