the number and mass of all the mistakes i have made in the past two years is crippling. i lost every.single.thing. that made me, me. i lost the one person who ever truely understood me and really loved me and made me soo happy. her name was tessa and i was just another of those cu.nts who take something for granted. i was stuck in my own little world and didnt care to look through someone elses eyes.
well i got what i deserved. i fuc.ked up my entire life with nothing to show for it. but heres the funny part, im still half glad ithappened. u find out who u really are and what your made of when ur pushed to the breaking egde. and i found out im stronger than i thought, smarter and have so much i can give.
i hold my head high bcoz i made my mistakes and still live with tje consinquences everyday. but i realised my mistakes and i mean from the bottom of my heart that i never intended to do that to you tessa. and if i had of had just someone slap me in the face and say look at how ur treating her! i would have popped my bubble myself for you.
i know im just rambling and i know tessa will never see this.. but i just wish i could tell her i love her. always have. i cant take back what ive done but i want to fix things.
i never told anyone this, but the only reason i left was coz ian was saying he was going to kill himself. and would be on the phone to me crying then say hes going to do it now and the only way i could make him feel better was if i said i would come up and live with him. if u ask the social worker at school she would tell u that befire i left i went to her asking how to talk to suicidal ppl.
i never told tessa this bcoz it sounds like a stupid fake excuse and i dont want her to take me back from pity or fake or something.
he is nothing but an emotional hurricane. everything he comes into contact with he sucks up, twirls around, then spits them out like their nothing.
i know i broke your heart with no excuse. but i dont know how to say sorry to you. nothing i can do will ever be enough for what iv done