Loneliness seems to drag us down, even when friends come around. Can’t run fast enough away from depression. Look, it’s now I say my confession. I gave up on you as all the rest. It’s time that I tell the truth. I never trusted you. Thought you would run away. As fast as your little legs could take you. I know that I would have. If I was there looking at me. I’d do all I could to escape my grasp on reality. So don’t blame me I’m a pessimist. Lost looking out, couldn’t see through the mist of despair. Couldn’t find the reason that was never there. Yet somewhere along the line, I learnt that I could love you. And somewhere along that line, you learnt you could never trust me. It’s sad how misery makes what we have so fake. When every word I told you, was never a mistake. The truth was always said, I never told a lie, but now you can’t trust me, when you look into my eyes. You stuck around through so much, a friend that really cared. You became the person I looked up to; a friendship that I valued. Like always though seems all I’m good for, is finding a way to ruin the dream. And again I hurt you, and again you’ve left me. I don’t blame you, though inside I’m crying. Now that I’ve lost you, I feel like I’m dying. Seems that I have found my way, back to a lonely friends secure arms. Depression has this hold on me, taunting me to do harm. Harm against myself, inflict against all others. Anyone that stands in my way. Can’t let anyone help me. For where would I be if I were found? I think I would still be lost. And how would it sound if you tried so hard to save me. Yet I fell further down. Further from your reach. Then what would there be for you to preach? Nothing. For I am nothing, but you see so much more than what is there. A mask doesn’t just protect ourselves, it creates an image. An image that doesn’t really exist. Yet you believe the face, the innocence of our kiss. But I ask, are you seeing the person that I am, or the person you want me to be? I’ve heard one too many times, how strong I really am. It’s funny, because weak is what I’ve been since all of this began. Blackness has many faces. Truth has many perceptions. I’m falling in the dark. Can’t see the light ahead. Why can’t I find myself, a little bed for me to lie? A place for me to die? Cos even in the darkness, even the despair, can’t make me do the unthinkable, with you around to care. With each word that is printed, try to understand, how lost my thoughts really are, how messed up I am. My mind won’t shut up, tears always want to fall. I don’t think I deserve all the pain that has been cast my way. I don’t know how to soldier on, when everything is said and done. I don’t know how to fight a battle, that I don’t think can be won. Bravery is a word, that doesn’t explain me. So what do I have to do, to finally be free?
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