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Unable to fully put into words
how I feel, my heart is un-repaired
wanting to heal. I feel selfish at
times for hurting so much, but you
There comes a time when you make a
change-good or bad-it should benefit
your ways. People you think would see
you through anything start to stray
Stuck in a corner afraid to let go, too many times left shattered, broken, alone. This pain in my heart will not subside-I keep asking God why?

Why did you let him into my heart. Why was he charming, social, and smart. God looked at me and said, 'child please, how could I not let him see what I see? '
Standing still unable to move, thoughts racing, egos bruised; all I have left are memories of you.

Some days the words area hard to say, tears are easier to come by anyways. Sitting and trying to find the reasons why, I keep looking, searching, but nothing has been supplied. Unable to fully move forward, traumatized by the past, I try to be happy, but tears can't seem to be held back.
There is a game that is always played; someone is always waiting for a check-mate. Never to good have I been at this, usually I'm stricken, smitten, with a kiss. Too much time and energy does it take to make you see I would be a great mate. While we move one step forward, two steps back-I plant firmly on the ground trying not to snap.

Too little of trust I will exude, I sit here alone in this pale grey hue, standing still, not budging back, you leave me with no choice but to fall flat. Unsure anymore of what to do, I sit here waiting for your next moves. The risk and the gambles one person may take can either pay off or feel fake.
Fall Apart
So often do I yearn to appeal to others, whether in a smile, a laugh, a presentation, or a look. Trying to keep it altogether from the start, instead of showing I fall apart.

Too important has it become to impress others, whether the matter or not, trying to make life seem simple is more work than it seems; causing me to cry endlessly. I can't keep up this fa├žade as much as I'd like. I pretend all is okay, but I'm trying to hold tight. Hold on hurt, distract the pain, but nothing works and I fall away.
Super Hero
Always unbreakable, never skipping a beat; a golden soul and never showing signs of being weak.

Always showing a positive side, what ever come your away, an angel for our family in the darkest of days. At times you've worn a cape and multiple crowns; by looking at your sweet face, never could we doubt.
Ride On
Your travels have been long, your journey now over. The live you lived great and fulfilling. Everyone shall get in one last ride on this earthly life, one last stand of love before entering their heavenly home.

You were given a timeframe, one that didn't suit your heart, your life, or your love well. You carried a spunk of passion, a sparkle of love, and a will of determination. No one knows how they will take being told they have one last ride. You handled it with poise and grace, never giving in, never holding back.
They say timing is everything. There's never a perfect time nor place to say what you feel or pursue a new interest.

Timing lies in your heart, waiting to overflow and be expressed by your soul. What you say can never be taken back, only expressed more. You can try to pinpoint the exact time and moment to say what you feel and show what you mean; your efforts can go evaded and unwanted with the wrong timing.
Always presenting a confident front, making those around me think I'm alive. Never letting my fear and thoughts swallow me whole; always thinking I'm enough.
Trying to let those I love in, but always holding up a wall. Anything good becomes suspect and nothing real comes into play.
Overthinking, not feeling, going numb. Just when I think I have a hold of life; I chose to run. Run away from reality and pray to start all over. Over with friends, neighbors, cities, and love.
Overthinking until my heart goes numb. Numb from the fear of letting you in, numb from the life I want to live. I sit here, I wonder what I really want; what would make me stop overthinking and move on.

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6/13/2021 11:47:08 PM #