My Mamaw is a woman of God. If it weren’t for her I would have never heard anything about God. I went to church with my mamaw as a little child, and in my early teens I got saved. However, I got my feelings hurt by a Pastor, I won't go into that story, it was to long ago. Anyway the incident made my dad mad so we left that church. My dad found a Baptist church and we began going there. Slowly I began to fall away from God, I would go to church, when I felt like it. I was not dedicated to attending church regularly. I had the hurt from the other church and I believe it started at the root of unforgiveness, but I can not blame my falling away from God on people. Actually I was looking for friends, you want to be accepted, so you fall in with the people who accept you. In the 11th grade I started hanging out with the grunge crowd, Outcast's you might call them. They were all into that witchcraft and I became curious and started messing with it. What really lured me into it was, I went out with this guy and he was a witch and he gave me a book. I began to read books about witchcraft that involved casting spells & meditation. I had a few books on the occult and some tarot cards. I had an altar with candles on it in my bedroom. I practiced witchcraft for about 2 years or so. All I can say it feels like death, like your dead inside. I felt a dark presence inside me. This dark presence was all around me and in my bedroom. I heard voices talking to me when I was alone. One time in 2nd period a guy who was one of my friends, asked me to trade souls with him. He called it ‘Soul Trading’. He asked me to look into his eyes but I didn't want to. I said “no” and closed my eyes. But for some reason I looked into his eyes and felt something leave my body and something enter. When he did this, I felt different inside and then he switched them back. It felt like a wind went through me. Sometimes he would read my mind and he knew what I was thinking. I didn't like that. I also knew another guy who was a witch. We would read each other’s minds and yes it can happen! I would think of a question and he would answer me out loud without me saying anything to him. I had rock posters on my walls. I listened to Gothic, rock, and heavy metal music, and dressed in black clothes everyday. I also wore black eyeliner and dark makeup. I also got into drugs, smoking, drinking and sex. All those things are attempts to try to fill the void inside, but they don’t, as you just keep wanting more. I lived most of my life in darkness; I had no peace, love, joy or happiness.
All witchcraft brought me was pain, sadness, torment and fear.
Those years that I practiced witchcraft were the most dark and painful years of my life. I got very depressed; I stayed in my bedroom all the time. I was depressed over a guy, he was that witch who gave me the book. That was relationship ended in June of 2000. I eventually started cutting my self, mostly on my leg. At the time, the cutting seemed to relieve the pain I felt inside, but it really didn't I just thought it did. I had thoughts of suicide and I once tried to kill myself. I took a bunch of pills but it didn't work. After I graduated High School none of my so called friends called me after graduation. I don't know it was like they were all gone. I did try to call a few people but they never seemed to have the time or just didn't want to hang out with me I guess. Guess you eventually find out who your true friends are. God is really the only true friend you can count on.
That was my past, but now I would like to tell you about my future. I finally got tired of all the pain, so I started praying for God to make a way for me to go to church, I prayed and cried about that for 3 months. See at that time my parents had stopped going to church. God made a way for me to ride with my mamaw and start going to church with her. The Pastor of her church gave her a ride and agreed to pick me up as well, since we lived near each other. Praise God for that! Jesus Christ slowly lead me back to him and I was so hungry for God and to get him back in my life, I went to church and just soaked up the word of God, it took God hammering me with the word even if I didn't like it. I had problems with rebellion. God continued to move in my life and slowly I grew closer to him and God was really working on me. There are two ladies at the church I am going to, that really mentored me and taught me Gods word, on Wed. nights. I thank God for them everyday. The Pastor and the assistant Pastor were my Sunday school teachers when I was a kid. The assistant Pastors Daughters were the ones who was mentoring me, which I thought was so cool.
Mamaw's church was announced to be sold. The pastors were retiring, etc... So I began looking for a new church. God lead me to Emmanuel Assembly of God. I started attending there regularly. I felt God there in a way I had never felt him before, his presence was so strong there. I'm so glad God lead me to Emmanuel, I had found a church before the selling of the other church was finalized. I thank God for Pastor George Rhye and all the people at Emmanuel. God used the people there to help me in awesome ways, it changed my life forever; Also to grow closer to God and learn his word. Glory To God!
(2005) The past two years I have struggled with fear and being tormented at night. How long I'm not exactly sure. I would wrestle, toss and turn in the bed at night trying to go to sleep. I was scared of something I couldn't see but I could feel its presence there, I didn't know how to get rid of it. This demon would even follow me through my house. I later found out what had happened was I never renounced the witchcraft. I didn't know I was supposed to, no one ever told me I had to do this. I thought if I went back to church I was okay, that wasn't the case, things done just go away, if you open the door to something, someone has to come inside and clean house. The only one who could tear down this door was Jesus and the Holy Ghost, God's word. So, I got severely attacked in August of 2005 and I was not able to sleep for two nights in a role. I called Pastor Welke for prayer, she prayed for me and rebuked the demon attacking me. It left for a moment but soon returned, why you ask? It was because I had hatred against Pastor Welke and had not yet renounced the witchcraft. It was Wednesday morning, I later called Pastor Welke and confessed my sin against her and asked for her forgiveness. She forgave me of course. I was determined to make it to church that night, I said to myself, I don't care if i die, I'm making it to church tonight. I told Pastor Rhye I desperately needed prayer, so he asked the women of the church to pray for me. One of the ladies stood me up and asked if I had been involved in witchcraft, I said " yes" . I began to cry, Sharon was the ladies name. She said you need to renounce those things, I said " ok" . The she began naming all the different things I had practiced out loud and told me to renounce each one, I knew it had to be God telling her this because no one in that church new but me. I renounced all the things and God filled me with his Holy Spirit. I was finally free from the demons and torment. I was free at last, thank God Almighty I was free at last. You see, Satan the author of witchcraft tricks us into thinking we are powerful and that we are not worshiping him. He says, your not satanist, so your ok. This is a lie, he wants everyone to go to hell, which is his final destination. It was never intended for humans, only Satan and his demons. Weather you believe my story is up to you. I can only tell what God did for me and pray he speaks to you.
Personal pain and paths that I have trod
Through it all you are the rock in which I hide
In you I will always and forever abide
With depths unknown
Author of space and time
In you do all things exist
For in you we can reside
Forever a place to hide
With your grace, mercy and strength
I will overcome
you brought this fire I find myself in
please cleanse me from all sin