Writing Poetry

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  • Michael Shepherd (4/17/2005 7:11:00 AM) Post reply

    I'd say an improvement, Mark.
    We're getting into Marriage Guidance Council territory here! He's into what's-it-all-about mode; she's looking back. How do we indicate their next move or what prevents them making it? If they're discontented with their upbringing and environment, then what?
    I'm getting a little impatient with them. I may take them off my Christmas card list. Cards from couples about to break up with a yawn are so uncomfortable to read; worse, to word the message when sending to them!

  • Michael Shepherd (4/17/2005 5:28:00 AM) Post reply

    Mark, brilliant effort, though I feel that the last three lines take the reader back to the situation too much.

    But it does occur to me that 'state of the marriage' is one of the great contemporary themes, too little treated for obvious reasons -we don't all want to be Teds and Sylvias hanging out our dirty washing in public!

  • Michael Shepherd (4/16/2005 5:31:00 PM) Post reply

    'and thus they knew just what they didn't want;
    but never met to write a shopping list.'

    which is surely very unAmerican?

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/16/2005 12:52:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    ordered buffie Saint Marie's greatest hits off Amazon, so it will be interesting to hear how she sounds

    Replies for this message:
    • Poetry Hound (4/16/2005 6:53:00 AM) Post reply

      I'll be interested to hear too. I wonder if the song 'Codeine' is part of the collection. She tunes her guitar differently and it adds a haunting sound to the haunting lyrics.

  • Brett Trotter (4/14/2005 11:00:00 PM) Post reply

    Hey everyone, I would appreciate some more ratings and criticism on one of my poems I have posted here on this site. It is titled 'Revolution Coming.' I have a few others posted here under my name as well, and I welcome anything said of them, also. Thank you very much! Have a great day!

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 5:07:00 PM) Post reply

    Well, I found it but it's too long to post here. Just google 'my country tis of thy people you're dying' and you'll find it. Here's a taste of it, told from the point of view of a Native American (written in the sixties) :

    Now that we're harmless and safe behind laws,
    Now that my life's to be known as your 'heritage, '
    Now that even the graves have been robbed,
    Now that our own chosen way is a novelty -
    Hands on our hearts we salute you your victory,
    Choke on your blue white and scarlet hypocrisy

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 5:00:00 PM) Post reply

    Yes Robert, I got the message from the Neil Young lyric. I meant that quite often I find OTHER poems/lyrics that have bizarre images but no substance. Now, as for lyrics about Native Americans, I always liked Buffie Saint Marie's 'My Country Tis Of Thy People You're Dying.' I'll see if I can locate it on the Inet.

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/14/2005 4:28:00 PM) Post reply

    if anything, this is a folk song, and really on the fringe of pop rock

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/14/2005 4:27:00 PM) Post reply

    PH- wow, yeah the imagery is bizarr-o, but no message? (This gives me hope for my own stuff) - The poem is about the alienation caused by white civilization, the destruction of the native, and the poetic attempt to return to her.... :) Pretty obvious stuff.

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 4:02:00 PM) Post reply

    Yep, this is your kind of lyric, Robert. Full of bizarro nonsequiter images - Marlon Brando, Pocahontas, and me indeed. I actually like it because I sometimes like jarring images. I think sometimes surealism and bizarre images are a way to show off creativity when the poet doesn't really have much of anything to say. They're eye-catching candy but there's not much substance underneath. However, this lyric is pretty cool, and as pop/rock lyrics go it's certainly better than 'Louie Louie.'

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