Treasure Island

Writing Poetry

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  • Katherine Patrick (12/20/2013 11:14:00 AM) Post reply

    Im not new at writing poetry but i would like some honest feedback on some poems I posted. Can you guys go check them out?

  • Jamie Jordan (12/18/2013 3:35:00 PM) Post reply

    Deep Feelings
    Laying here thinking about how much a person can love someone. I wonder… You love him so much your world isn’t complete with him in it. Your days aren’t as bright without his amazing smile. Your body aches without his touch and the sense of hearing is not a good without the sound of his voice. He is and always will be the biggest and most important part of your life. Your love for him is deeper than the ocean and farther then the sky. The thought of him loving another is unreal to you. You can’t imagine him with someone else and he can’t even imagine loving another. When he’s asleep you just lay on his chest and listen to the calm sound of his heartbeat. When he kisses you the heart begins to race and knees start to buckle. You can’t seem to figure out WHY?Why do I love him so much?Why does my world revolve around him and only him?Then suddenly you wake up and realize it was all just a dream.

  • Cornell Sandifer (12/16/2013 6:37:00 PM) Post reply

    When i think of poetry i think of imagery the more descriptive the more vivid the imagery and so we poets must make every efforts to rid our poems of lazy filler words. we all do it to some degree

  • Shaun York (12/15/2013 6:45:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Please give constructive criticism. I am by no means done.

    The man on the moon ran away when morning came
    And the earth reached up to touch
    His stiffly flowing veins.
    The wandering miles
    Brought him back
    To the land where
    Pressed flowers
    Kept their shelter
    In books
    long forgotten
    By name

    He ran beside the flying machines
    At dusk
    Amidst the fields and dreams
    And runways of
    Summer beetles,
    Tied and tethered

    But then the moon rose again in the hollowed out streets
    And he wept the wistful tears of
    Old hounds as they dream of
    Chases remembered, and
    In their sleep

    Replies for this message:
    • Kundan Ahuja (12/17/2013 5:30:00 AM) Post reply

      The idea is good, and the poem rhymes well too. But at places the reader may feel lost.

  • Pranay Aich Roy (12/15/2013 12:33:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    To Those...
    To those, who brought us light,
    To those, who won the fight.
    The fight for truth, a fight for freedom,
    Which brought us the sun of the rising dawn.

    Thank you brothers and the sisters,
    To the thinkers and to the prolific writers;
    Without whom, we can’t thrive,
    We can’t die in peace, we can’t live life...

    Today in this world of lies,
    Their frame from the walls gently cries.
    Is this the world for which they desired?
    Is this the world for which they lived?

    But now who cares, now who thinks?
    They have the freedom in their dirty pair of hands.
    But they will never know when darkness will ring,
    Snatching away the unity and free air of our lands...

    This world is nothing, but a darkened path.
    Who will light it, who will tear it apart?
    Not those pairs shading the evils,
    But some pure pairs who will slay the devils....

    Pranay Aich Roy,
    VIII, South Point High School,

    Replies for this message:
    • Fiona Schwartzinoff Rookie - 1st Stage (12/19/2013 7:17:00 PM) Post reply

      Beautiful! Sometimes the rhyme is not clear, but like Dickenson, you are able to get away with it by your diction and imagery. Thank you to " Those" !

  • Edward Webb (12/11/2013 6:20:00 AM) Post reply

    Serpent -


    There hides a serpent in a; damp,
    lipped cavern,

    long, moist and venomous,
    its known as the


    It can kill like a sharpened sword and draw not a drop of blood,
    weaves the air of which we depend and spins a silken word,

    to ears of another so heard, its venom travels as a wave,
    in forms of barbed syllables, it hisses from its cave,

    some who have minds unheard,
    are to it a traitorous slave,
    but no serpents words shall meet a heart,
    once ears are put to graves,

    Notes are best heard and remembered,
    when positive sounds,
    a fact as invisible as music,
    and apparent as swelling Bells

  • Patrick Fealy (12/11/2013 12:52:00 AM) Post reply

    No one wants to see your feelings. you need to be the master. So people and to have their own feelings moved by reading a good poem. So I like to hitch my wagon of feelings to a star. When I see something in my poem that reminds me of a well known story such as a fairy tale or a well known story or a film I go there and assume some part of the role. Hernan Cortez did this on his conquest of Mexico. When he saw how the Aztecs considered him a god he started acting the part. writers need to act the part as well and begin to conquer the hearts of a the hungry public.

  • Mark Kevin Piañar (12/10/2013 6:24:00 AM) Post reply

    Remember always that poetry is about expressing your feelings and sharing your thoughts, if you write a poem, make sure it comes from your heart. Because poem that comes from your heart will be full of happiness, love and understandable to our fellow readers :)

  • Christopher Moore (12/9/2013 8:35:00 PM) Post reply

    A honest way to increase your vision in writing to me is reading the bible and appreciating life...just a offense to any other religions

  • Dr Cobra Rahbar (12/8/2013 6:37:00 PM) Post reply

    Where are my time to truly love my dear where are indeed times when I wake up in the morning I closed my door to see everything lies open I see a Yellow Leaf open my eyes telling me I am friend of

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