(4/30/2014 8:46:00 AM)
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Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....
##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..
He was before his beloved,
Kneeling on his thighs……..
His shoulders down,
With soulful cries…….
Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….
Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
Breaking the silence, quoth he-
____”Once bound with the essence of thee
____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”
____”Turning stones time does flow,
____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
____tell me my precious, where will I find?”
She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
In a soothing voice, quoth she-
____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”
____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”
____”Thus like a rose dwelling
____in the eyes of thee”
____”In curls of petals,
____You shall find me…”
With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
In a painful voice quoth he-
____”Every blossom does wither with time,
____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
____ tell me my love where would I find?”
Wiping the tears his had shed.
With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-
____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”
____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”
____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____
- - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
- - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
- - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
- - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….
The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
And wet the still heart that bore his name…
The silent heart of a sacred soul,
Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……
Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014
All suggestions and tips are welcomed.....
Gangadharan Nair Pulingat
(4/28/2014 2:16:00 AM)
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writing poetry is an inborn creative talent which cannot be explained in words. As an artist draws so many pictures, a poet writes poems in such situations of convenience to him where thoughts provokes the poet for the creativity. The talent of poem writing is to be inspired by the world around him and the real experiences he achieves. A good poem sometimes ignites the minds of the readers and there may be different arguments and meanings among the readers on thepoems which is not a concern of the poet.
(4/25/2014 12:13:00 PM)
1.I am trying not to repeat words
2. I am trying to use the words powerful to more and most powerful.
A Place In You
How can I have a place within you?
I honestly care about your tender ways
Thinking your protection every moment
Loving every details of your life
Understand whatever your past
Forgetting what lies around and behind you
I don’t mind what others ‘r saying
Just give me a little room upon you
Waiting cannot last any longer
Because I will die early longing with you
Shortness of life is everlasting to me
If I had space in the kingdom of your heart
Where will I stay in the rest of my days?
To whom will I give my everlasting commitment?
If your heart is open only for a dot-sized
Will let me pass through a Place within
and open widely to flow like a stream of Love inside you?
(4/25/2014 9:57:00 AM)
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How do I write a poem, I really don't know. It starts with just a few words popping in my head, usually from something I've seen, heard, felt or read. Those words just feel like there are more to follow, so I start writing. If more words do follow I keep writing. When I'm done I put it away for a while. Then I read it a few times, first to see if what I wrote really makes any sense to me, then making little changes that make the words feel better. When I read it a few times and when I can't think of anything that make the words feel better, I'm done.
I don't know if my poems are any good, but I like writing them, they make me feel better once they are done. Of course I'm always open to suggestions.Replies for this message:
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Suman Kumar Das
(4/19/2014 10:59:00 PM)
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Are needed two eyes,
Need also tears.
But the ones without eyes!
How they shed tears?
May those salty drops
Brim in all their hearts,
To a size of seven seas
Of this super creation.
Are needed few words,
Need also voice.
But the ones without voice!
How they talk words?
May those unsaid sounds
Inside their hollow hearts
Echo million times
As thunders crash in the sky.
Are needed two limbs
Need also destination.
But the ones without limbs!
How they stride across the way?
May those longing steps
Trek mile after mile every night,
Like the orbit around the sun,
Revolve the planets in the galaxy.
Are needed two ears
Need also mind.
But the ones without ears!
How they hear people?
May those unheard strains
Within their mute minds
Join torn strings of lives’ guitar
To play songs like musicians.Replies for this message:
(4/26/2014 5:26:00 AM)
Great in balance of stanzas and balance of sylabications
(4/23/2014 7:00:00 AM)
I thought you handled the four curses well. Until, oh heck I thought of a fifth one: To Sleep. I can only guess it is a good thing when we wake up we've forgotten all our dreams, and the dreaded nig ... more
- Herbert Guitang (4/26/2014 5:26:00 AM) Post reply
(4/11/2014 1:24:00 PM)
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I've been writing poetry for a many years and each time it gets challenging more and more.
(4/10/2014 8:00:00 AM)
when I'm around you everything wrong felt so right
even in my arms i held you in spite
our differences wanted to make you my miss
now all I see is dusted and fake kisses
(4/8/2014 11:30:00 PM)
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The 19th century English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge write several definitions of poetry. ONE of them (I'm paraphrasing) " the best words in the best order." Great! But that gives a very important task to fulfill, namely, to find the BEST words. You have to sift through your vocabulary, check a dict'y or thesaurus, write a draft and look it over and MAKE CHANGES that improve the expression. That's what writing poetry is all about. The notion that poetry is an inspired spontaneous flow of words that spills on to the page and spills some more and some more - that's writing a diary or journal, which is preliminary writing to poetry writing. It's actually very helpful as one of my poetry teachers, Michael Dennis Browne, told the class. Why?Because you empty all the junk in the front of your mind onto paper, get rid of it, so your truest, deepest thoughts can arise. Try it. You'll be amazed at this process. Eventually, you won't have to spend as much time EMPTYING your mind and you will get to the good stuff much faster. Also, if poetry is indeed the BEST WORDS, you don't need to write 40 lines,50 lines, _____lines, you fill in the blank. A poem is meant to be compressed. It a bundle of energy waiting to explode! Trust your readers' imaginations to be launched into visionary space by the explosion you set off. How can they soar imaginatively if your poem goes on and on and on. There was a modern Latin American poet who wrote one poem a week for many years. On Sunday she wrote a draft of the week's poem on a blackboard, then for each day Mon. through Sat. she erased some of it, everyday the draft got smaller, leaner, more compressed. By the next Sun. she had a diamond-poem!Replies for this message:
* Sunprincess *
(4/27/2014 2:14:00 AM)
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...............an amazing write...you write the best comments on poems and writing poetry...I can always learn something when I read your comments...have a wonderful day..
(4/9/2014 3:16:00 PM)
I agree with you Dan... my opinion about poem is..., turn a whole book into one page, then, turn the one page into a paragraph, then, turn the paragraph into a sentence, and if possible, turn that sen ... more
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- * Sunprincess * (4/27/2014 2:14:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
(4/8/2014 11:06:00 PM)
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First things first! I want to add my appeal to those who have already written this forum is about poetry, it's not poems. Publish those at your site. Here we discuss the process of writing poems, so that we become better poets. I've been involved with POEMHUNTER since last Oct. I've published just over 33 poems in that time which I consider a lot! They have all gone through extensive revision, which is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. I have often been importuned to read poems by the poet himself or herself. Well, well, except in a very few occasions I have waited patiently - what other kind of waiting is there?- for people to discover my poems. And they do. Steadily but slowly. Here's a suggestion - first, a warning: Too often I read at my Poems Site a comment like this: NICE POEMS. I LIKE THEM. READ MINE AND GIVE ME COMMENTS. Well, to be perfectly, bluntly honest, that kind of statement does not encourage me to read said poet's poems. You squeeze out 5 words about my sincere efforts and then expect me to read and comment on YOURS! The first time you read someone's poems, just stay in that reading/appreciation frame of mind. Show by your comments you have REALLY, HONESTLY read them. Let the poet for whom you are expressing appreciation discover your poems. Don't ask them!
(4/8/2014 11:50:00 AM)
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Let the boy in you write first, then the man in you can edit later.
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