Treasure Island

Freeform Workshop


Post a message
  • Jim Farr (8/4/2011 8:20:00 PM) Post reply

    something short and simple...


    when you lay down at night
    surrender yourself to the moonlight
    is it me you dream of
    in the still air of night

    when creatures of the day depart
    huddle together as it grows dark
    do thoughts of me now spark
    your sleeping lips to part

    I welcome everyone to visit my page and Comment on any of my poems. Id like feedback to see what im doing right and what i need to work on as a writer

  • Rik Bertrand (7/28/2011 10:56:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Missing You

    Together we have our differences but we are one.
    Together we sometimes allow our emotions to hinder our feelings.
    Together we live in both harmony and strife.
    Together we are intertwined in life and love.

    But there are times when we are not together.
    There are times when we are distanced by many miles.
    There are times when I am alone without your touch or your smell.
    There are times when I think that there is no life without you.

    I miss you so much that I cry out in the night your name.
    I feel pain in my heart that bids your forgiveness for parting.
    Although the pain and the dreams are torturous, I praise their presence;
    For they are the reminder of what I miss most in life, YOU.

    I miss you my love, you are my reason for being,
    You are the breath that fills my lungs with the very oxygen of life.
    You are my goddess of love, my princess, my lady of the night.
    I love you with all my heart, may we always be together, even when apart.

    REB JULY 2011 (Dedicated to Leen, the love of my Life)

    Replies for this message:
    • C S (5/15/2012 11:14:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      What a lovely poem about love and how bittersweet and beautiful it can be: -)

  • Rylie Shoop (7/16/2011 4:33:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Feedback Please :)

    I only long to be near you.
    I only yearn just to feel the touch of you on my skin.
    And this is the only more that I can do.
    I can only long, yearn, and wish for you.
    The night you told me it was over, was a stab in the heart.
    My heart ached, 'Oh, woe is me.'
    My brain screamed, 'Can this be true? '
    My whole body shaking from head to toe from this traumatic experience.
    Grabbing the nearest thing to me I cried.
    Tears flowed out like a new Spring morning.
    Spring tears.
    Coming early into the year.
    No stopping them.
    No telling when they will come again.
    Just know that when you come knocking again on the door towards true love,
    I will be ever-so-cautious and hesitant once again.
    For I have lost the love that I love the most,
    to distance.

    Replies for this message:
    • Denise Sarabia (7/28/2011 10:50:00 PM) Post reply

      A poem should really be 'free' in form.. I like your piece. But I think this, and your other works, will be more appreciated if you'll be more descriptive..

  • Cuppy Cakeeys (7/7/2011 6:50:00 PM) Post reply

    ***FEEDBACK PLEASE***

    Thank You

    I thank you for your kindness
    I thank you for your hugs.
    I thank you for everything.
    Thank you.
    Mama
    Thank you for teaching me the right things.
    Thank you for curing my grief with your smiles.
    Thank you for wiping my tears away.
    Thank you for saying 'I love you' every night I go to bed.
    Thank you for raising me to be a great person.
    Thank you for being my role model.
    Thank you.

    Papa
    Thank you for giving me the courage to be strong.
    Thank you for the humor that makes me laugh forever.
    Thank you for giving me everything I need.
    Thank you for cheering me on when I need it.
    Thank you for the hugs that make me smile.
    Thank you for raising me with all your love.
    Thank you.

    Thank you for being my parents and giving me a family.
    Thank you.

  • Cuppy Cakeeys (7/7/2011 6:49:00 PM) Post reply

    ***FEEDBACK PLEASE***

    The End

    The smell, the fragrance of death,
    covers the air above the cemetery.
    The flesh, the bones underground.
    Nothing more, nothing but this.
    The souls have risen, the souls have gone.
    They've all disappeared,
    Nothing but the past.
    Dusty graves, misty night.
    All have gone but not yet the night.
    Soon it will be, soon there will be,
    others born, and others who depart.
    for the new, who knows nothing of this cruel empty world.
    Life never always kept.
    Once something starts, for that must end.
    Must this story must the end.

  • Cuppy Cakeeys (7/7/2011 6:48:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    ***FEEDBACK PLEASE***

    He walks past me for all I know
    A stolen breath, a breeze I shiver.
    My heart races for all his love
    Only him is that I see.

    I can't help but to be a dreamer
    With rays of light shone on desire
    His beauty and strength I wish to have
    And his manners I melt to see.
    His voice so gentle, I cannot move
    I but stare and wish to love.
    When our eyes meet and I see warmth
    Looking elsewhere, I blush away.
    I cannot speak my words to him
    Or else hurricanes and earthquakes come.
    My heart uncontrollably punches and stomps
    When his presence is a step away.

    He walks past me for all I know
    A stolen breath, a breeze I shiver.
    My heart races for all his love
    Only him is that I want.

    Replies for this message:
    • Unknown But Will Be (5/13/2014 12:53:00 PM) Post reply

      I love this poem, you asked for feedback and here it is: gorgeous, and completely relatable. Only complaint, work on the rhythm, rythm adds more fluidity to a poem, but overall i would give it a 8 out ... more

  • Mike Kendall (6/30/2011 6:29:00 AM) Post reply

    i cant explain what i feel like, i feel like a plane without its wings
    im swimming in an empty pool, its cuz we were to caught up in it
    never reachen the next level even when i tryed to level with you
    stuck on the same flight of stairs we were spining a spiral runing
    a mile on thin ice when still u were my girl u were nice
    u added to this world, im twisted lost confused
    broken from what we had fused, im sitting here
    tryna get over you ive done some things
    i didnt wana do, im tryna figure out
    why i threw all the love i threw, for you, served on a plater
    but u only ever got mader and i got sader
    times only got bader
    you created the perfect ricipe for disaster
    tryna get over me all the time tryna do
    whatever was faster, tryna mix mash n
    mend my words, a technique only
    you could master
    , u just fliped the switch
    openen up every stich we had sowen all
    this love blowen,
    we could go back, jump in that portal
    jump to all those planets shaped like hearts
    back to the beggening to where all our love starts
    but still nothn could stop it, some shit
    jsut hapens, we just gota pick up the pieces
    coz were broken, im broken writen this
    its all i have, tryna hold in the tears
    feeln like ive knowen u for countless years
    learnen n loven all ur fears
    knowen about all ur nightmares
    knowen every compliment u gave me
    teln me i got cute ears
    im tryna hide it, ride it, ride it out
    keepen it in tryna hold
    wot i posess, more then ull know
    more what i want to confess
    no more chances now though
    wev run out, wev abused the love
    that so many people could of used
    youve been my life lesson
    and i want whats best for you and me
    this was the last straw, i want this no more
    best to do this now then to leave one of our hearts
    lying out cold on the floor

  • Alyssa Siebers (6/1/2011 12:31:00 AM) Post reply

    (I wrote this poem in anger of seeing so many people ruin such pleasant opportunities in their life, as in, Falling In love. Although I adore my friend's, I'm so livid that they contently believe it's okay to move from lover to lover and claim it to be love. So please enjoy! Feedback is much enjoyed, and voting also if you can spare the few seconds it last for.)

    Hugs Not Tight Enough For Her;

    First Sight, you catch the lease and sign,
    You drag someone to you,
    Spitting on their hearts,
    Splitting up further up the road when the going got tough,
    He's trying to hold on for dear life, My friend.
    but you hit a home run my friend,
    Your love, it's going... it's going and gone.
    You just couldn't wait to get it started,
    Fallowed by the next,
    And the next,
    Until names got confusing,
    And regret shines in those golden browns,
    Then you mix those drinks, and just don't seem to matter who falls in the river,
    As long as your happy, and the rest of the world don't matter a thing.
    Quietly you know, it'll always be lust,
    Reacting from the hips,
    The girl just want's to be held,
    If not tight enough, then move to another,
    But none of the hugs tight enough for her,
    Cause she always get loose and runs off to another,
    You can't say you love any of them!
    Don't dare speak words of sh** you have no idea of,
    You make words like that become myths,
    There are those who can love,
    Can speak between the lines which some will never see,
    Touching others will burns brain cells,
    and girl you've touched enough.
    With her lips making movement's,
    excuses, excuses, excuses,
    ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH.

  • Alyssa Siebers (6/1/2011 12:26:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    FEEDBACK PLEASE :)
    Also if you could go to my profile and vote, you would make me a happy girl.

    The Way It Always Is


    In many ways than one,
    happiness can be formed with a smile,
    or a kind gesture from someone,
    But happiness can always be formed from your heart,
    when you know your views are different than everyone else,
    not worrying about whats right or wrong to others,
    cause to you, you know it's 'right' for you.
    There's no argument between just two, it's always an army and a war,
    there's wounds worse than battle scars,
    your inflected on the heart,
    and although it's always healing,
    it get's weaker each time.
    Nobody can do anything for anyone else without thinking there will be a prize in the end,
    Greed is made easily when given the thought of being something better,
    It's common to see someone sell their soul to the devil,
    in return for a penny.
    Anger is another sin you see too much of,
    when the situation accoutres,
    you'll sell your friendship for a memory of the past,
    Low blows hit harder than you know,
    but nobody cares about anybody else unless you can find something out about them,
    Friendship, love, you're words, nothing last forever,
    unless you change that thing in yourself that seems to push everyone away,
    The Real Life consist of people all around you with different thoughts and opinions,
    which cause the drama and fights,
    The Real Life also consist however of people, who want something different than just the same things everyday,
    we want to twist around romanticism,
    and be the nonconformist we are,
    without our own thoughts we wouldn't be humans,
    when you make yourself believe something just so it benefits you,
    you're not living, you're living off of somebody else dreams.
    Love doesn't seem to exist without his brother, Infatuation.
    when you love someone, you don't support the things that are wrong in their life,
    you support the things that are right,
    you don't move around from lover to lover,
    to stick to that person, and give them the heart you've sealed off all you're life.
    love for a friend, you see it all the time,
    but look in between those lines and tell me what you see!
    two friends, smiles to smiles,
    harsh words to each others backs,
    and secrets and lies that spread,
    love for a friend is something seen when not looking,
    Love for Your friend is even when things are cloudy above, you'll always be waiting for the sun to break through,
    not while when that storm is high above, strike them with lightening,
    and pray to god it hits them.
    I carry on no hard feelings or hatred,
    we laugh at the things people say to bring someone else down,
    we laugh at how people lie to look greater to the enemy,
    we laugh knowing society will never change and we're at the spot we're we should be,
    We laugh knowing, this is what we need to survive.
    Once you frown at the things people do to strike you down,
    you won't make it out alive,
    so smile a little bit more, cause it hurts them even more,
    that's the biggest weapon, Happiness!
    cause nothing pisses off somebody more, knowing they're completely happy,
    and you're filled with envy cause you wish you could be so happy.
    That's it though! LIFE!
    It'll always be this way, till YOU change,
    cause you're stuck in those sticky situations, cause of yourself,
    Blame it on him, blame it on her, blame it on god even if you stink so low,
    but nothing will change, till you change yourself,
    don't let society tell you what's right or wrong,
    don't fallow a government cause everyone else is,
    don't sell out a friend,
    don't change your mind on your loved one,
    stay true to you're words,
    and who you claim to be!
    Life is going to be looking better for everyone else soon,

    Replies for this message:
  • Leonid Gonzalez (5/22/2011 11:16:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    The requiem of the flies

    The rain is crashing upon my face
    Its like God is trying to wash away my pain
    I look down upon the puddles of mud
    Thinking about all the things I have done

    The rain is so cold

    The dark grey gloom surrounds me
    My life is not as it should be
    And I don’t care anymore
    I find that Living is such a bore

    The rain is so cold

    My mind is numb, cold and blank
    This world is passing me by
    This world is cold and dank
    And I wonder why I have not died

    The rain is so cold


    Abaddon holds no surprises for me
    Under the pale moon I danced on my grave
    And I am on my way to hell
    I cant deny what is to be

    The rain is so cold

    My soul is heavy and stained and
    I don’t want to carry it no more
    I carry two coins in my hand
    Waiting upon the water’s shore

    The rain is so cold

    The man in white comes for me
    Pretending to walk on water
    Feet stuttering, hips jutting
    About to fall in and he is getting closer

    The rain is so cold


    There will be no requiescat for me
    My apple of Peru has wilted and
    The lord of the flies wont let me be
    He crushes the flower in my hand

    The rain is so cold

    It was my last day on earth
    The two coins in my hand my life is not worth
    My soul knows will know no reprieve
    From hell I will never leave

    The rain is so cold

    My life is to repand upon itself
    It is destined to reprise
    My song has not ended
    But has repetended

    The rain is cold

    To the Archean I was sent
    Where I was meant to repent
    Repentir, pentir, paenitere
    Until the worlds’ end

    The rain is so cold

    From the puddles of mud I look up
    And realize I have gotten old
    All my years spent wondering,
    And I have no story to be told

    The rain is so cold

    I can only hope to die one day
    And start it all over again but
    The lord of the flies wont let me die
    I have become one of his flies to my dismay


    first post, curious to know what you think of this. i dont know how to classify this poem.

    Replies for this message:
    • Theresa Haffner Rookie - 1st Stage (5/31/2011 2:46:00 AM) Post reply

      This poem has interesting content, and it is refreshing to see a poem with as much psychological exploration and symbolism as this, but it is hardly free form. Freeform would imply freedom from form, ... more

[Hata Bildir]