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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

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  • Rex Copperfield (10/25/2012 8:14:00 PM) Post reply

    Hey I'm a extremely desperate poet desperate for feedback and instructions tips hints criticism and most desperate for betterment no matter how good the cause desperate isn't a good look....please help me out! Messages comments or just reading my poems flood my inbox with criticisms comment with many tips hints suggestions and praise (if you find praise worthy things) please help! !

  • Anthony Townsend (10/14/2012 8:19:00 PM) Post reply

    Some comments please, does it read ok, make sense. Based around a real event.

    Pyjama Chase

    While most would cherish their whole family
    Your only treasure was motherly
    The visitor pegs were still like new
    May as well of got a refund on the sofa too
    I couldn't just be part of the mahogany
    To be kicked around like furniture, was never me

    A wedding one year party for my bro' I had to go
    So what if I worked all day, I'd still come home tho'
    The days of frustration were plenty
    The excuses you gave were mistrust and jealousy
    I'm sure when they gave out compassion
    You and your mum must of been on a ration

    It was kind of drastic, some would say crazy
    When you chased in pyjamas, like a jealous mad lady
    To the end of the road, and the alley I went
    Peeped out to see your shadow, chasing with dissent
    A running man under the moonlight I became
    Your bedroom demeanour could of earned you some fame

    Though your purpose was scary and intense
    You felt one grab could make me see your sense
    One more turning and I was sure I'd be alright
    Just a few minutes more, for a taxi at midnight
    As i stumbled inside, I said where I want to be
    Alongside my bro, casue we're all family!


  • Mikhail Conrad (10/12/2012 11:03:00 PM) Post reply

    Guys... Is my Verse... alive?(haha. I love Emily.)

    A Sonnet for Cesar

    A gentle face, that mark’d my heart profound-
    should hands of mine caress your bony cheek;
    A regal visage I would like have crowned,
    And I’d traverse your frail and wight physique-
    For I’d lick dry your sacred strong demesne.
    Your eyes do pore like rain, it chills quite fine;
    My lips of liquid drench, could not abstain,
    We’d kiss with sweet delight, our souls align!
    The orange warmth and measure glowing skin,
    and sweeter length of your so lovely bones,
    to jaunty widths that is your soul, therein;
    and flesh to flesh, I’d love with love- with moans.
    And oh, if you were mine, you’d be my rose-
    And oh, if we could kiss, I’d stop this prose.

  • David C Probst (10/11/2012 8:05:00 AM) Post reply


    A stormy night it was that shook the trees
    Their lofty heads dishevelled by the wind
    Like humans waking from their restless sleep
    Deprived of vigour, diffusèd in their minds.
    That night the blackbird clinging to its nest
    Attempting to preserve its fragile breed
    From being swept away by zephyr’s jest
    Made way to nature’s deadly, heedless deed.
    Abandoned and exposèd thus did lie
    Two naked eggs the bird was meant to hatch
    Still warm and lulled in false security
    Yet doomed without their parent's soothing thatch -
    And yet, despite such dim imperative
    The weak one died, the stronger one survived!

  • Austin Straussfield (10/6/2012 6:50:00 AM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    Check this out...i'm kinda new here and will be needing guide from the experienced one...please i want you all to comment on this
    " I never knew i could fly
    until i see you cry
    Patiently waiting for your smile
    but it's way long along the tide
    you make me walk the mile
    even though its for a while
    i never knew i could fly
    until i see me try..."

    Replies for this message:
    • Gulsher John (10/17/2012 6:30:00 AM) Post reply

      great, but don`t confine your feelings to just rhyming, use free verse or blank verse,

    • Okoronkwo Jackson Jonathan (10/8/2012 2:40:00 PM) Post reply

      I love your portrayed idea but you have to synchronize your lines to allow a free flow and sensational link. Add meaning I mean. Check the first two lines.

  • B. V. Dahlen (10/5/2012 8:10:00 AM) Post reply

    Writing in rhyme and meter takes discipline. Trying to capture complex ideas while confined to structure can stifle some people. I find that searching for the " perfect" word to balance my line sometimes leads me to an even better expression of my thoughts. Please read and comment on some of my poems and let me know what you think. Thanks. Bea (B. V. Dahlen)

  • Saundra Blaylock (9/21/2012 8:33:00 AM) Post reply | Read 3 replies


    Can you see your reflection through my eyes.
    Covered in glitter and drowning in lies.

    Are you staring back at an image you’ve come to despise
    All that poison has left you broken and unwise.

    Hiding behind a facade, nothing is as it seems.
    Lost in an illusion and caught up in a dream.

    Blinded by the haze of your own destruction.
    In the wake of a bitter seduction.

    Will your eyes be forever wide shut,
    Hiding behind all that smoke and smut?

    What happens when you finally fall to your knees
    And there is no one to answer your pleas?

    When will you be able to look into her eyes,
    Free and totally stripped of your disguise?

    Replies for this message:
    • Okoronkwo Jackson Jonathan (10/8/2012 2:27:00 PM) Post reply

      Hmmm! Wonderful write. Great work. I love all the lines.

    • Sheila Freecs (10/5/2012 3:07:00 AM) Post reply

      wow! ! you are awesome.. you're great.. i just wonder who is your inspiration =))

    • Alexis ... (9/25/2012 11:08:00 AM) Post reply

      Saundra, this poem is cleverly written " Hiding behind a facade, nothing is as it seems. Lost in an illusion and caught up in a dream. " I love these two lines especially. Great write!

  • Daniel Einstein (9/19/2012 8:25:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello there guys and gals, Well, i am not looking for people to comment on my Poems, no sir, i would like for all of you out there to Give me your name and Favorite poems, and i will Comment and like them depends on their awesomeness, Don't be afraid and Message me your Favorite poems, Good day.

  • Chettur Aishwarya Shrivastav (8/10/2012 11:17:00 AM) Post reply

  • Garrett Richardson (8/8/2012 6:28:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Please tell me what you think, and of ways to improve my poems. Thank You.

    Song of Life-
    My dependency on your resplendency
    Has brought my once thought fiction
    Into reality
    Crowning you as my new addiction
    Listen closely now to the steadfast sound
    You have my heart pounding out loud
    Do with it as you must
    Only to you will I entrust
    This muscle that allows you to behold my presence
    For it is the living essence
    Of my love to you my dearest
    So as long as you can hear it
    The day will never come
    When our lustful feelings grow numb
    Together our beating hearts compose the beat
    To our song that remains unsung
    We together can live our lives
    And in the process form our paradise
    Now with every step forward we take
    We will begin to create
    A song from our hearts
    Filled only with the perfect words
    The three words that ring true
    More so than others do
    I love you.

    Replies for this message:
    • Okoronkwo Jackson Jonathan (10/8/2012 2:34:00 PM) Post reply

      Hali halo Mr Garrett. If I tell you that your poem is wonderful and great, hope you won't mind. Now do me a favor. Keep on writing and read more. Never allow these things to lack beside you; your dict ... more

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