Treasure Island

Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

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  • Alexis ... (11/10/2012 1:00:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello Fellow Poets,

    I invite you to Read and Comment honestly on my new poem " Caught In Distance" . Thank-you

  • Crystal Rosser Rookie - 1st Stage (11/4/2012 3:09:00 PM) Post reply

    Please check out my poems and comment on a couple. I would really love to get some feedback on rhythmic and rhyming patterns. Any advice is helpful. Thanks!

  • Leonid Gonzalez Rookie - 1st Stage (10/28/2012 12:58:00 AM) Post reply

    The first mother

    Deaths’ scythe is singing, death is a calling
    My light is gone, my star has fallen
    She called my name like we were lovers
    Before I knew it the dream was all over

    I cant blame her for what she has done
    She will call everyone’s name until we are all gone
    She must return what she has borrowed
    Deaths’ scythe will be calling you upon the morrow

    She was the first mother, she set us free
    She is called death but her true name is Eve
    Now she must give back what she took
    Upon her face you must never look

    She is very beautiful, Her beauty is like no other
    Her beauty saddens you, her scythe ends your sorrow
    She was the first woman, she was the first mother

    Please comment. Good or bad. Thank you

  • Rex Copperfield Rookie - 1st Stage (10/25/2012 8:14:00 PM) Post reply

    Hey I'm a extremely desperate poet desperate for feedback and instructions tips hints criticism and most desperate for betterment no matter how good the cause desperate isn't a good look....please help me out! Messages comments or just reading my poems flood my inbox with criticisms comment with many tips hints suggestions and praise (if you find praise worthy things) please help! !

  • Anthony Townsend Rookie - 1st Stage (10/14/2012 8:19:00 PM) Post reply

    Some comments please, does it read ok, make sense. Based around a real event.

    Pyjama Chase

    While most would cherish their whole family
    Your only treasure was motherly
    The visitor pegs were still like new
    May as well of got a refund on the sofa too
    I couldn't just be part of the mahogany
    To be kicked around like furniture, was never me

    A wedding one year party for my bro' I had to go
    So what if I worked all day, I'd still come home tho'
    The days of frustration were plenty
    The excuses you gave were mistrust and jealousy
    I'm sure when they gave out compassion
    You and your mum must of been on a ration

    It was kind of drastic, some would say crazy
    When you chased in pyjamas, like a jealous mad lady
    To the end of the road, and the alley I went
    Peeped out to see your shadow, chasing with dissent
    A running man under the moonlight I became
    Your bedroom demeanour could of earned you some fame

    Though your purpose was scary and intense
    You felt one grab could make me see your sense
    One more turning and I was sure I'd be alright
    Just a few minutes more, for a taxi at midnight
    As i stumbled inside, I said where I want to be
    Alongside my bro, casue we're all family!


  • Mikhail Conrad Rookie - 1st Stage (10/12/2012 11:03:00 PM) Post reply

    Guys... Is my Verse... alive?(haha. I love Emily.)

    A Sonnet for Cesar

    A gentle face, that mark’d my heart profound-
    should hands of mine caress your bony cheek;
    A regal visage I would like have crowned,
    And I’d traverse your frail and wight physique-
    For I’d lick dry your sacred strong demesne.
    Your eyes do pore like rain, it chills quite fine;
    My lips of liquid drench, could not abstain,
    We’d kiss with sweet delight, our souls align!
    The orange warmth and measure glowing skin,
    and sweeter length of your so lovely bones,
    to jaunty widths that is your soul, therein;
    and flesh to flesh, I’d love with love- with moans.
    And oh, if you were mine, you’d be my rose-
    And oh, if we could kiss, I’d stop this prose.

  • David C Probst Rookie - 1st Stage (10/11/2012 8:05:00 AM) Post reply


    A stormy night it was that shook the trees
    Their lofty heads dishevelled by the wind
    Like humans waking from their restless sleep
    Deprived of vigour, diffusèd in their minds.
    That night the blackbird clinging to its nest
    Attempting to preserve its fragile breed
    From being swept away by zephyr’s jest
    Made way to nature’s deadly, heedless deed.
    Abandoned and exposèd thus did lie
    Two naked eggs the bird was meant to hatch
    Still warm and lulled in false security
    Yet doomed without their parent's soothing thatch -
    And yet, despite such dim imperative
    The weak one died, the stronger one survived!

  • Austin Straussfield Rookie - 1st Stage (10/6/2012 6:50:00 AM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    Check this out...i'm kinda new here and will be needing guide from the experienced one...please i want you all to comment on this
    " I never knew i could fly
    until i see you cry
    Patiently waiting for your smile
    but it's way long along the tide
    you make me walk the mile
    even though its for a while
    i never knew i could fly
    until i see me try..."

    Replies for this message:
    • Gulsher John Rookie - 1st Stage (10/17/2012 6:30:00 AM) Post reply

      great, but don`t confine your feelings to just rhyming, use free verse or blank verse,

    • Okoronkwo Jackson Jonathan Rookie - 1st Stage (10/8/2012 2:40:00 PM) Post reply

      I love your portrayed idea but you have to synchronize your lines to allow a free flow and sensational link. Add meaning I mean. Check the first two lines.

  • B. V. Dahlen Rookie - 1st Stage (10/5/2012 8:10:00 AM) Post reply

    Writing in rhyme and meter takes discipline. Trying to capture complex ideas while confined to structure can stifle some people. I find that searching for the " perfect" word to balance my line sometimes leads me to an even better expression of my thoughts. Please read and comment on some of my poems and let me know what you think. Thanks. Bea (B. V. Dahlen)

  • Saundra Blaylock Rookie - 1st Stage (9/21/2012 8:33:00 AM) Post reply | Read 3 replies


    Can you see your reflection through my eyes.
    Covered in glitter and drowning in lies.

    Are you staring back at an image you’ve come to despise
    All that poison has left you broken and unwise.

    Hiding behind a facade, nothing is as it seems.
    Lost in an illusion and caught up in a dream.

    Blinded by the haze of your own destruction.
    In the wake of a bitter seduction.

    Will your eyes be forever wide shut,
    Hiding behind all that smoke and smut?

    What happens when you finally fall to your knees
    And there is no one to answer your pleas?

    When will you be able to look into her eyes,
    Free and totally stripped of your disguise?

    Replies for this message:
    • Okoronkwo Jackson Jonathan Rookie - 1st Stage (10/8/2012 2:27:00 PM) Post reply

      Hmmm! Wonderful write. Great work. I love all the lines.

    • Sheila Freecs Rookie - 1st Stage (10/5/2012 3:07:00 AM) Post reply

      wow! ! you are awesome.. you're great.. i just wonder who is your inspiration =))

    • Alexis ... Rookie - 1st Stage (9/25/2012 11:08:00 AM) Post reply

      Saundra, this poem is cleverly written " Hiding behind a facade, nothing is as it seems. Lost in an illusion and caught up in a dream. " I love these two lines especially. Great write!

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