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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


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  • Wayne Guy Butterfield (12/3/2005 4:38:00 AM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    I'm with you re 4 or 5 stanzas, Mary. Maybe even less... especially where the poem seems just plain obscure to me. I might stick with it a bit longer, though, if the rhythm and rhyme are interesting. Still, I think I actually like 'long' poems most when they do work for me. But that seems to require more complex thoughts and images, and a structure that supports their development at greater length. And again for me at least, a more complicated (but well integrated) system of rhythm and rhyme seems to help a lot in creating such a structure, hence lending support to the development of more complex thoughts and images. Score one for rhythm and rhyme?

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    • Mary Nagy (12/3/2005 4:07:00 PM) Post reply

      I think when the poem is written well you don't even notice if it seems extra long........some poems are so well written you hate to see them end. It is never clear-cut one way or another. I guess t ... more

    • Herbert Nehrlich1 (12/3/2005 6:07:00 AM) Post reply | Read 3 replies

      Wayne, you came to the right poet......I have plenty of LONG poems on this site. Help yourself. Some of them even work very well. Best H

  • Wayne Guy Butterfield (12/3/2005 4:37:00 AM) Post reply

    Interesting thoughts about both rhyming and length, Ernestine. I've actually read all of your longer poems on PH, and very much enjoyed them! Strange, though... for me, I've gotten _more_ hits on my longest poem, Songkhla, than any other, and hardly anyone's read my shortest, Cycle. Of course, could be folks were just curious about the title, Songkhla, or wanted to see the photos... maybe they didn't really read the whole poem... which'd certainly be sad for me, since they'd miss the whole point.... Takes us back to Mary's comments about tastes... perhaps some folks simply have _short tastes_? ? ? :)

  • Ernestine Northover Rookie - 1st Stage (12/2/2005 4:39:00 PM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    I think it's good to be able to write in both rhyming and unrhyming, it gives one a variation and a wider scope. Also it's good to have humourous ones, mood type ones, dramatic ones, and love, unrequited love ones, character ones, and not be stuck in a 'one type poem' rut. One thing bothers me though, it is that when one writes 'long' poems say more than 8-10 verses, or should I say stanzas, do people on PH actually take the time to read them or do they prefer shorter writes. I have quite a few long ones on PH and somehow they don't seem to attract comments or votes, and yet I feel they are fairly reasonable to read.(Tongue in cheek) ! ! ! ! ! What do you all think? Love Ernestine XXX

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    • Herbert Nehrlich1 (12/3/2005 6:05:00 AM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

      I ask you madam' can you spare a dime? And would you take in turn a lovely rhyme? I'd make the rhyme for you to match your smile look at the bird that flew in perfect style. All creatures bi ... more

    • Mary Nagy (12/2/2005 9:06:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      To be totally honest.....I like shorter poems better. It's got to really grab me to keep me reading more than 4 or 5 stanzas. If it's good, I'll read even more though!

  • Wayne Guy Butterfield Rookie - 1st Stage (12/1/2005 6:38:00 AM) Post reply

    Thanks so much for the input, Mary, and so pleased you enjoyed the poem. You really do a great job of describing how tastes can indeed differ. I'm with you in appreciating both rhymed and free verse. And I feel lucky to enjoy writing in both styles, because some thoughts and images seem to work better for me with rhyme, and some without. Your poems show you are clearly at home with both, but I wonder about those PH members who only write in free verse or rhyme. Would they also see it as just a matter of taste - or something more? It'd be interesting to hear from any who care to respond. And if you or Ernestine or others know of any particular members who seem like good examples, perhaps we could invite them to share a bit of their perspective? ? ?

  • Mary Nagy Rookie - 1st Stage (11/30/2005 2:43:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Hi Wayne! I think you've said it when you said it's a matter of taste. You will get some people that think any rhyme is forced and unnatural while on the same poem others will think the rhyme seemed to flow so naturally that it almost seemed effortless. To each their own I say. I'm not a big believer in strict rules of any type when it comes to poetry. I think we risk losing something very special when we start limiting what's accepted. Personally I prefer a rhyming poem and the rhythm just seems to go along with it. I think that's when it really 'sings' to me as poetry should. I have found many poets here that write without rhyme and not only have I found myself enjoying it, but I've also found myself inspired to try some free verse of my own. So, as for your poem.......I love it! I think the last words in each line just add that little touch of drama that brings it to life! I enjoyed this poem very much Wayne. Thanks for posting it. :) Sincerely, Mary

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  • Ernestine Northover Rookie - 1st Stage (11/30/2005 1:05:00 PM) Post reply

    Thanks to Wayne for posting onto the Rhythm and Rhyme workshop, great stuff, anyone else going to get the ball rolling? Aren't we a shy lot! ! ! ! ! Love Ernestine XXX

  • Wayne Guy Butterfield Rookie - 1st Stage (11/28/2005 9:46:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello, Ernestine, Mary, and other R+R visitors. Does seem a bit sad this workshop gets so little input, so since no one else seems ready to volunteer … hope the following is on topic. I’m new to the site, and have only just begun to write again after ages away from poetry, so I may be way behind on this, but in trying to capture certain things in poems, I am finding that, at least for me, there seem to be times when nothing else works like rhythm and rhyme.

    Wrote a poem called Gone a few days ago (copied below) , in which I tried to capture the rolling tide of emotions that the actress Zhang Ziyi goes through in the doorway scene of the movie 2046. If you haven’t seen the film, I might mention it’s received numerous awards, and some critics consider Zhang Ziyi the best actress around these days. The film also has a powerful musical score that often seems like a separate force, engulfing and sweeping the characters along.

    When I posted Gone, a couple of members said they liked the rhyme. One seemed neutral. And one suggested deleting the rhyme words from the end of each line. Ironically, my first drafts of Gone did not include the ending rhyme words. I added them (and the cross rhymes and rhythms) because I felt I needed something more to help convey the doorway scene’s music and emotion. Before adding them, I felt it was a bit like watching the scene with the Mandarin soundtrack turned off, and only the subtitles on. But some would obviously disagree.

    Just a matter of taste, perhaps. Still, it seemed that some of the questions raised by considering Gone with and without the ending rhyme words might be of interest here. When, for instance, do rhythm and rhyme seem likely to add something special? When are they likely to detract? What kinds of rhythm and rhyme work best with what kinds of poems? How much is it possible to generalize?

    Would welcome any thoughts members may have on these or other such points.

    Gone

    She looked into his eyes, hurting
    Her lips still pursed, flirting

    She took a step forward, halted
    Her mouth tried for words, faltered

    The line of his jaw, resisting
    The glint in his eye, insisting

    Her face froze for a moment, cold
    She looked down again, old

    He spoke softly then, rhythmic
    His words seemed to help, sympathetic

    She looked up again, searching
    Her mind tried to work, lurching

    Her arms reached for him, hoping
    She almost braved a smile, coping

    The quick touch of his hand, drifting
    The frame of his body, twisting

    He began to move away, betraying
    His steps down the stairs, fading

    Her heart seemed to stop, broken
    She broke into sobs, choking

    After so many nights, unending
    After so much hope, intending

    There was nothing to show
    There was nowhere to go

    (dedicated to Zhang Ziyi and 2046)

    Wayne Guy Butterfield

  • Mary Nagy Rookie - 1st Stage (11/27/2005 8:09:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Hey.........that went well huh Ernestine?

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    • Ernestine Northover Rookie - 1st Stage (11/28/2005 3:16:00 PM) Post reply

      Absolutely Mary. lets hope this one gets a few more started on this forum. It's a clever poem, although I haven't heard of this film or the lady, but I liked the poem very much. Love Ernestine XXX

  • Ernestine Northover Rookie - 1st Stage (11/16/2005 11:48:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Hi, all you rhymers out there. I notice that the Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop doesn't get a lot of input, which is rather sad, so is there anyone out there who would like to contribute with some sensible and interesting information, conversation, fun bits, sad bits, whatever comes to mind, I think it aught to be used as it's here for our benefit. Anyway, anyone want to follow this epistle! ! ! ! ! ! ! If so, over to you. Sincerely Ernestine.

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    • Mary Nagy Rookie - 1st Stage (11/16/2005 11:59:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      Hey, Great minds think alike Ernestine! I was just thinking the same thing you wrote..........that's so funny! Isn't it strange that the other two forums don't get much use? I say....let's change t ... more

  • Frank Roth Rookie - 1st Stage (10/29/2005 6:25:00 PM) Post reply | Read 4 replies

    Hi folks. I am a very recent member. I would like an objective evaluation of my poem. please be honest. thanks. Frank Roth

    Find Me In My Poems


    You will find me in my poems
    If you take the time to see
    There’s a little bit of my life
    In every one you read

    So do not be a stranger
    Come on in and close the door
    Read about my life of danger
    And about the days of yore

    You will find some bits and pieces
    That could only come from me
    And if you look more closely
    You may find a family tree

    I have never wrote a poem
    Till with cancer was diagnosed
    Then God granted me this favour
    To make my life the most

    And if you ever wonder
    Whats become of me these days
    I may be living up in heaven
    Thinking up another phrase

    Frank Roth

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    • Mary Nagy Rookie - 1st Stage (11/17/2005 5:48:00 AM) Post reply

      I believe I've left a comment on this poem but I'll say it again Frank.......I love it! Great work! Sincerely, Mary

    • Dr. A.celestine Raj Manohar Md Rookie - 1st Stage (11/4/2005 3:28:00 PM) Post reply

      Dear Frank, may i suggest that you maintain a 7/6/7/5 syllabic count in each stanza and your poem could become more melodious, i feel. Dr John Celes You'll find me in my poems, If tim ... more

    • Jessica H Rookie - 1st Stage (11/3/2005 5:36:00 PM) Post reply

      I like this poem I think it's good but the use of the word yore in the second stanza seems a bit awkward and also in the first stanza the rhyme scheme is a little off. That is my opinion not necessar ... more

    • Ernestine Northover Rookie - 1st Stage (10/31/2005 1:47:00 PM) Post reply

      Hi Frank, This is a nice slick poem, I t ... more

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