Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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Luigi Coppola Male, 36, United Kingdom (6/19/2004 3:08:00 AM)

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Hello John,

As this is posted in workshop, I take it you want this critiqued? I hope you dont take this personally, as I'm just speaking as a reader, in respects to the poem’s effectiveness...

IMO, this feels clichéd doggerel; it doesn't do anything for me. The rhymes are forced, the inversions are a put off, and the metre is too erratic for my taste. Also, the telly nature of the God references don't help your point.

Unless you're being ironic (in which case, IMO, trimming and ironing is needed - I can suggest specifies if you like) , I'd scrap this..

Just one man's opinion of course. Best,

Luigi

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  • Dr. A.celestine Raj Manohar Md (6/22/2004 4:01:00 AM) Post reply

    I had deliberately posted one of my earliest 'poems' to prove how easy and nice, it is to rhyme. The poem is certainly not a prototype for a perfect poem with all its many essentials. Some of my sonnets will have the things you mentioned. However, when a person starts writing poetry without knowing all the background needs and points to be kept and to be avoided, One cannot and should not expect it to keep all rules. Poetry evolves with the maturity of the poet's mind and knowledge. Again, to start writing poetry, a strong theoretical foreknowledge is not a must. One can develp the skills with time. This is a truth more so for the Free Verse! I wonder if there are any rules truly governing it! Also, every poem written need not be expected to be wholesome in the many requirements of traditional poetry!
    Dr John Celes

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