Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop
(10/19/2005 3:57:00 PM)
second stanza third line, maybe winter's bite would work better with the rhyme flow
third stanza first line, down on one knee might help with the rhyme flow.
I also noticed that you tend to put to many words in a line for example:
'How I always wanted to say to you how much I love you '
In this sentence you are over saying the you therefore making it to wordy and uninteresting.
This is a nice idea and you have a lot of good imagery.
Comment of the Day
- You seem almost too conscious of your own writing- it's as though you care more about the words themselves than the lyrical qualities of the poem that...