Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Jessica H Female, 33, United States (10/19/2005 4:07:00 PM)

I would like honest opinions and critiques on this poem. I used to write a lot when I was younger but it's been a while. So please be honest!

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

Everybody would like to know,
Is there life after love?
Or will the pain and suffering grow?
Looking for answers from up above?

The very first time is always the worst,
You cry and you beg till you can’t anymore,
You feel like you are in a sea submersed,
Doesn’t he understand it’s him I adore?

Incomprehension of how it could end,
Spiraling downward, slowly descending
Analyze whole relationship until ending
Hatred for him becomes your new best friend.

Then the broken heart starts to recover,
You realize one day you are tired of crying
Tired of hating, and of overanalyzing
Life moves on, often with a new lover.

A scar will remain forever in your heart,
The broken hearted move on with a fresh start.

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Ernestine Northover (10/31/2005 1:58:00 PM) Post reply
Hi Jessica, This is a really lovely poem, and my only comment is regarding the last two stanzas. Third stanza - I would perhaps start with the line 'spiralng downward, slowly descending, Incomprehension of how it could end, Analyze whole relationship until ending, Hatred for him becomes your new best friend. It flows better and matches up with the first two stanzas. Do the same with the last stanza, 'You realize one day you are tired of crying, Then the broken heart starts to recover, Tired of hating, and of over analyzing, Life moves on, often with a new lover'. These are my comments for what the are worth. Sincerely Ernestine Northover

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