Poetics and Poetry Discussion

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Debbie, I commend your bravery, though there be no need for concern or trepidation if you are confident that you are posting out your very best effor for the public to see and comment on.My question is, however, why do you ask for our opinion...then instruct us as to how you want us to go about rendering one...?Do you or don't you want the above work critiqued, honestly and fairly...or do you only want those to comment that will tell you what you want to hear?Posting your work on PH's New Poems List, is a quite different experience than placing it on the PH Forum. I know 1st hand, from my own experience, here. Requesting and receiving an honest, public critique requires having tough skin in being able to handle peoples unvarnished opinions, as " unkindly" constructive as they may come across to you and your pride. Absolute critique can be extremely harsh and seemingly overly critical with (at times) including brazenly constructive comments being leveld both on the author as well as their work, be they an accomplished or novice scribe. And, again I share this with 1st hand experience of my own work. What I see above, Debbie, [without knowing some pertinent info such as: how long you have been writing(have you been writing continuously for the past 8 years) , if you have studied the literary arts in a formal arena, or how serious you are about becoming a good, strong writer]...is a poem that needs re-structuring, less cliche, as well as some break punctuation(commas) where you have 2 actions or thoughts that are being treated as one, (I fall I drown) thus, creating a run-on sentence. Whereas that line should appear as(I fall, I drown) . Your storyline is about love, which is fine.What you need to do, which I was told to do some time ago, is read your contemporary poets. Go to your local library and ask where to find them...Take 3 or 4 books out, and read, read, read. You will begin to see all the possibilities and new ideas that work with your own desired style. Poetry is a lifetime learning experience.No great bard of the Written Word can honestly state that they exhude poetic perfection or that they have penned the perfect work. In a Laureates lifetime one has yet to be able to achieve a level ofliterary perfection, as noone has " 'yet'" to reach that pinnacle. Read, learn, practice, and allow yourself to be open to any and all opinion and criticism fromy solid, meritable writers and poets, as that, along with your unwavered dedication, will be the ultimate tell-tale as toy just how far you'll go versus how far you wanted to go....Good Luck, Debbie ~FjR~