Treasure Island

Poetics and Poetry Discussion


Is there a book you just read, a piece of poetry news or a reading you just heard that you want to talk about? Here's the place to start a conversation.
Post a message

Click here to list all messages

Alice Vedral Rivera Alice Vedral Rivera Female, 64, United States (9/30/2013 11:48:00 AM)

(This massage was posted as a reply to that message)

Admirable sentiments. I have taken the liberty to give you an example of tightening up your poem to give it more of a 'punch'.

Fighting with injustice,
Suffering a lot for this,
But still I’m fighting…..
Yes, I’m like that

This is a male world,
Being born a girl is a crime
But still I’m fighting…..
Yes, I’m like that

Lonely with my choices,
I’m vulnerable
I’m honest
Yes, I’m like that

Listening to my intuition
Fighting with inequality
With sincerity, frankness
Yes, I’m like that

I’ll never give up the fight
I’ll always be like that

To post a reply to this message, click here
Replies for this message:

 

There is no message posted..
[Hata Bildir]