Poetics and Poetry Discussion

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Lamont Palmer Male, 53, United States (10/22/2013 8:47:00 AM)

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Frank, I like your first two stanzas, which are nicely descriptive and may be where the poem should end. After that, the lines sink into preachiness and bathos, and the self-impressed speaker syndrome. -LP

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  • Gold Star - 34,396 Points Frank James Ryan Jr...fjr (10/22/2013 6:00:00 PM) Post reply
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    Thanks, Lamont...Always appreciate your feedback...I have re-drafted this piece several times, and am not yet totally satisfied with it.So why post it, and on here?Because I wanted feedback, and nowadays I am always open for constructive criticism. At one point I had 86'd the last stanza...but then revised it instead and re-posted. Don't think it was very preachy, just perhaps a bit grandioose in comparrison to the preceding stanzas...Thanks again, Lamont.../Frank\

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