Poetics and Poetry Discussion

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Lamont Palmer Male, 53, United States (10/22/2013 3:44:00 PM)

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One person's 'gracelessness' is another's inventiveness. Apparently Frank heard music too in those first two stanzas or he wouldn't have written it. Thats the best part of the poem. That last stanza is extremely trite; 'Chicken Soup for the Soul material, and not saying anything new.

'We live, we die, and somewhere in between
we'll speak of the many souls in sleep
until we, too, rest beneath morning's dew'

Thats a (high end) Hallmark sentiment. Sweet, but said before. At the very least, I would lose that last stanza. But its Frank's poem. These are all just opinions. -LP

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  • Freshman - 837 Points Lamont Palmer (10/23/2013 10:09:00 AM) Post reply
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    Your primary flaw (though it may not be one to you) is you often are heavyhanded on the moralizing and sentiment. Remember Auden's quote: 'if a young man wants to become a poet because he has a lot to say, he probably won't make it. But if he wants to see what he can do with words, he has a better chance'. -LP

  • Gold Star - 34,690 Points Frank James Ryan Jr...fjr (10/22/2013 6:45:00 PM) Post reply

    All opinions count or else I would not have posted this poem here...I have since revised the piece...yet there is still missing links...or perhaps links that should not be hooked on to the nexus better known as " my poem" ....My real job continues to keep me from really immersing into poetry the way I would love to...but I will, hopefully soon.You be well, Lamont ~Frank~

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