Poetics and Poetry Discussion


Is there a book you just read, a piece of poetry news or a reading you just heard that you want to talk about? Here's the place to start a conversation.
Post a message

Click here to list all messages

Mike Acker Mike Acker Male, 60, Canada (4/17/2014 12:44:00 PM)

(This massage was posted as a reply to that message)

My Brother's Keeper

When the children were torn apart,
And the body parts were thrown out.
When light-colored human matter
hung on walls like wet cotton balls.

They continued with what they do.
Those who ate ate.
Those who slept slept.
Those who watched watched.

When their children were skinned, and their
parents lost their heads, then their minds.
When rape and rapine became so
commonplace that no one dared come....
.......to give solace

They, they couldn't stop what they did.
Those who laughed laughed.
Those who looked looked.
Those who thought forgot.

Am I my brother's keeper?

To post a reply to this message, click here
Replies for this message:

 

  • Rookie - 1st Stage Mike Acker (4/17/2014 4:13:00 PM) Post reply

    Thank you, JC and you are right.

    Here is a revision....

    The Keepers

    When baby strollers were instant
    coffins, and body parts were stepped
    upon. When human gray matter
    hung on walls like wet cotton balls.

    They continued with what they do.
    Those who ate ate.
    Those who slept slept.
    Those who watched watched.

    When their children were skinned, and their
    parents lost their heads, then their minds.
    When rape and rapine became so
    commonplace that no one dared come....
    .......to give solace

    They, they couldn't stop what they did.
    Those who laughed laughed.
    Those who looked looked.
    Those who thought forgot.

    Am I my brother's keeper?

  • Rookie - 1st Stage Jefferson Carter (4/17/2014 3:40:00 PM) Post reply

    This is one of Mike's best. My one complaint is that first stanza seems over-written, trying to disturb but somehow mundane, the language not expressive enough to shock. I like the gnomic qualities of the 2nd and 4th stanzas. He's improving! !

[Hata Bildir]