Comedy Store

THE FREEMANS FANTASTIC FACTS:
Did you know the hole in the ozone layer is caused by the common cold?
The cold is NOT caused by a virus! It is caused by the cold, hence its name.
That's why the hole is over the Antarctic, where all the penguins are!
The penguins all have colds! Therefore I deduce that the hole in the ozone layer is caused by all those coughing penguins!

THE FREEMANS FANTASTIC FACTS:
Did you know sneezing is the leading cause of death in Iceland?
Being such a mountainous country and the ice is very slippery-
When people sneeze they shoot downhill into the ocean just like those Olympic ski-jumpers, only backwards!
They don't die from hyperthermia or drowning; they are torn to shreds by the feral guppies
that escaped from peoples insecure fish ponds

PRESS RELEASE:
In a police statement the police stated that with the state of the police in this police state that the stater of the aforesaid statement was in no fit state to state the things he stated!

Bill Hicks CLASSIC!

It's Just A Ride

by Bill Hicks

The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real? Or is this just a ride? ' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid - ever - because... this is just a ride.' And we kill those people.

'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that - ever notice that? - and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because... it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over - not one human being excluded - and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.

When Steven Wright wrote: 'I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time', I knew I had to get all his works.

Is an amateur psychic 'telepathetic'?
Is a step-father a 'faux pas'?
Hope there's no truth in marketing when they sell you a 'hot dog'!
Did you know Julius Caesar died of 'ides'?
Is this reptile park dangerous? We only have two signs here:
'Hiss' and 'Hearse'! ! !
more later, thefreeman.

This morning I answered the door in my pajamas........I don't know why I've got a door in my pajamas!

Go to you tube and watch Monty Python sketches -preferably The silly walks ministry or the argument clinic and many more. You must be into the British comedy. The show Monty Python's flying circus was on TV long ago.

Got to Youtube and type
Guido Sarducci five minute university
It's an old classic but so funny!

If anyone out there likes Monty Python's flying circus- go to Google and put in (you tube Monty Python - silly walks ministry and then the argument clinic. soooo funny. only fans will understand. Michele