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  • Rookie - 179 Points Farhan Ahmed (12/25/2014 2:53:00 AM) Post reply
    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.

    Read my poem and comment on it on the following page:
    http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/criticism-14/

    Criticism


    'You live in a world of odd dreams, Mr. Ahmed
    Putting queer imaginations to mere fancy words
    Bejeweled by baffling metaphors and similes
    That one mightn't get the hang of with ease
    Why don't you eschew the pesky rhyme rule,
    As D.H Lawrence and Walt Whitman did?
    Switch to chaste, free-verse poetry instead
    Of having a big, sentimental, slushy head'

    'I neither live in Lawrence's nor Whitman's planet
    For I dwell in my own enchanted, poetic world
    Rhyme-less poems are no delight to me, Mr. Paul
    Poems and paragraphs aren't alike, after all
    Whether a writer rhymes, ruminates, or not
    That depends entirely on the poet's taste
    A poem is a splendent verse, an alluring art
    An inner voice, a majestic vision of the heart'

  • Rookie - 130 Points Hugh Everard (12/24/2014 1:36:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello everybody my name is Hugh Everard
    I am returning after illness slowed me down (Parkinsons)
    I can still contribute but friends and family do my typing
    You will find me on poems and comedy forum

  • Rookie - 0 Points Demi Anderson (12/21/2014 4:17:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello all, my name is Demi and I've been a poet for the past five years. I write from my heart and accept constructive criticism well. In my private life I love my furrchildren and my other artistic as well as literary talents. In the area of poetry, it's dark and macabre. It can be very depressive too. In order to enjoy it, it has to be your cup of tea. The poem I present is " Memories" . It was written back in January of 2013.


    Memories by Demi
    There are these things inside of me… they are every man’s disease.
    Some have it worse than others, some kill, and some please…

    There are many causes of this disease, some are good and some are bad.
    Others know how to control it, while it drives the rest of them mad.

    Mine manifests me; it keeps me up at night.
    Nothing drives the darkness away, not even the morning light.

    Sleep doesn’t cure it, and time makes it worse.
    Talking doesn’t help; it just causes tears to burst.

    This disease drives in hopes and dreams; it drives them out as well.
    The truth lies in god they say but I dismiss the lies they tell.

    This is a burden to the soul, a detriment to the mind.
    This disease never gets better; it only gets worse with time.

    The infected hosts of this world want to see no one pure.
    Only the deceased knows where to find the cure.

    This disease kills the mind, body, and soul.
    My body feels crippled and my soul has aged old.

    Some days I feel like I can rise but I’m soon shown reality.
    I thought I could be happy for once, how stupid and foolish of me.

    When I lay down sometimes, I can feel lesions.
    They come from the humans, not spirits or demons.

    Every day I lay here badgered by torment, every day I lay here and cry.
    But no one hears my sorrow, my pain or my sighs.

    I tried to smile yesterday, I had no reason to but I wanted to see if it would work.
    I tried to turn the corners upward I stopped because it hurt.

    But in this moment, this time, I can just lay on my side.
    Maybe one of these days I’ll get lucky and roll over and die.

    I have been crucified, but I don’t have the luxury to die, I have to sit and suffer.
    In this disease I’ll die for no one’s sins, not even my own mother.

    But as I sit here, a rotting vegetable, you see your enemies every time you close your eyes.
    They are your memories.

  • Rookie - 116 Points Mapung Madura (12/20/2014 10:13:00 AM) Post reply

    Hi all,
    glad to join poemhunter. i learn to write good poems..
    and here my first post, look for the feedback

    Swept The Sound in The Night

    me
    and the Moon
    settles tiptoe
    behind the wall clock
    ticking
    swept the sound
    in The Night

    Rose's Crown
    grooming
    seducing
    nge-Blink
    like Jewellery
    for a Bandit
    a pistol
    pull out from
    the holster
    cock-head
    a pistil
    two bodies
    became Castle

    ' Hello Hello How Low?' 3x

    Dooor! ! !

    baby's cried
    shouted
    me and the Moon nyengir
    settles tiptoe
    wrapped in the tongue-cloth

    think thrice to play your pistol at midnight,
    or your baby beside

    CRY.

  • Rookie - 179 Points Farhan Ahmed (12/20/2014 3:37:00 AM) Post reply

    My name is Farhan Ahmed. I'm a keen, sensitive poet, and I use the power of my heart to write poetry. Whatever I write is based on my imagination. I write poetry when my heart and my inner voice forces me to write. Feel free to comment on my poems.
    Let me share one of my poems:

    A Mother's Loneliness

    There, stood alone she, desolated in tears...
    Remained her eyes drizzly over the years.
    Every day and night, doleful was she,
    A blur was all what she could see...
    'My son, my son, why did you die?!
    The river of my life has become dry! '

    Mournful years passed by...
    Until dreamt she of bright candles,
    Held by childern high.
    On the back, saw she one with a dim light,
    It was her son, wistful was he quite.
    'Your tears dowsed it, dimmed it,
    Your rue stabbed my litte heart
    O Mother, why did you fall apart?'

  • Rookie - 446 Points Lubinda Lubinda (12/18/2014 8:48:00 PM) Post reply

    Hi everyone! my name is Lubinda Lubinda, just recently joined this site, i am a Zambian, i been performing in both French and English (roughly 3 years) , I just wanted to network with other poets share ideas! Feel free to comment...

  • Rookie - 278 Points Wensislaus Mbirimi (12/18/2014 2:59:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello to you all, am glad i found this site and hope to perfect my writing by sharing ideas with like minded people. Feel free to comment on my writing. I write for the love of it and the joy that putting my thoughts on paper gives me.

  • Rookie - 259 Points Michael Webb (12/18/2014 1:59:00 AM) Post reply

    My name is Michael, I'm new to this website, but I've been writing for a long time, my poems are generally focused more toward melancholy, sadness and all together darkness. Because I feel that I am correctly reflecting my surroundings. Here is one of my poems, it's called 12 ticks on a clock, tell me what you think please.

    Tossing and turning
    Thoughts softly are burning
    Holes in my head
    Oddly concerning
    Face the fact
    That we are sitting here learning
    What it feels to be dead
    How love can destroy hearts
    How hate is lurking
    And when the lights go off
    We're alone in our heads
    All alone in the dark

    Paralyzed in peril
    With puffy eyes
    Sobbing and crying
    Sterilize our secrets
    Explain to me why
    All that glitters isn't gold
    And everything alive surely will die
    Why did we start
    Why did we try
    Why sacrifice our hearts
    If they can kill us inside

    Broken records and broken souls
    Relationships eloping
    With cemetery holes
    With gallows choking
    The life from us both
    I hope you can
    Understand what I wrote
    Wishes down the well
    I believe they will soak
    Or drown in reality's revoke

    Terrorizing tempers
    Fuming with rage
    Although reasons may be separate
    They still cause the same thing
    Love is a battlefield
    Our minds are at war
    Our lips are sealed
    Our hearts are torn
    Be prepared for acres of gore

    We started too young
    We said we were prepared but we lied
    Somewhere amongst all the fun
    Our laughter began to die
    The breath in our lungs
    Began to subside
    Now I can't breathe
    I can only try

    You aren't supposed to need someone
    Because what if they leave
    You gave me your hand
    And I bit the hand that feeds
    Feed me love
    Feed me disease
    Feed me stitches so I won't have to bleed

    Wasted time I guess
    Racing against it to decrypt feelings
    That are already at rest
    And although I am reeling
    Fate is something that I do not test
    So it's probably for the best

    Life goes on
    But mine won't
    Because you are my life
    So now that your gone
    I will soon go

    Time is ticking
    Away down to nothing
    My eyes have stopped dripping
    My mind has stopped running

    I can no longer see your face
    In my mind
    It's all been erased

    It's all to end in due time
    And the reason why

    I made my bed and in my bed I will lie

  • Rookie - 68 Points Jessica-paige Davies (12/17/2014 6:45:00 AM) Post reply

    Hi all!
    Nice to meet you, I hope you are all doing okay. I just thought I'd drop a message to say hi as I'm new to this website and only recently starting writing poetry. I hope to get some decent feedback and make new friends :)

  • Rookie - 0 Points Safin Junayed Rouf (12/14/2014 5:38:00 AM) Post reply

    http://www.poemhunter.com/safin-junayed-rouf/

    Hello people. It's been a while since I last wrote here. I was wondering whether I should continue writing and then posting here, but first I thought I'd ask everyone for their opinions on my writing. Now, I know it may not be all that great, I sure as hell am no Frost or Keats, but still, I'd like to know. SO, I request you all to just give them a proper read and tell me what you think. Thank you.

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