Critiques and Revision
(3/15/2014 7:10:00 AM)
Today, was unlike any of the others,
Steps knew no bounds,
Tunes intuitively sound,
High horseman stepped down,
For fate introduced two singles, too lovers
My First, a son, my child’s Mother,
First birthday, cheap clown
First stumble, first frown
First “Burger King” crown
A love which I smother
Unexpected, having not sought her
In bound, on bored, first ride into town,
Frustrations definitions, now found
“Happy Meals” now, cheap toys with no crowns,
My life with a daughter
Rhodes a little dustier now,
Rebellious and loud,
Opinions, ignorance, pot clouds,
What have I allowed?
What did I do wrong?
Yet now a dustier road,
Pests out of the house,
Champagne and cheese for the house mannered mouse
Frequent, less frequent
Less phone calls home,
To this mouse friendly abode,
I miss the chaos, I miss the wrestles I miss being “dad”
They have left,
I want them home.
Soon heeding the Piper, soon heed to fate
Looking back at the bruises, the tears, those first frowns
Surprised by two miracles, first life, unbound, now bound
Hospice, now, sleep soon eternally sound,
Two of my kin in which I am proud
Those leading years in the clouds led up until now,
Two gifts of life, both spoken aloud
Next stop the king, the one with the real “kings” crown
Life was perfect in the ups, and remained up in the downs,
Elated with peace, a soul heavenly found
(3/15/2014 2:11:00 AM)
Hearts of the unbroken
Just know that I care,
That’s all that should matter,
It’s that love that we’ve shared,
So let us reflect on the latter.
Timid hides behind expression,
The feelings I have for her,
It’s having been without you,
That’s made me the sadder,
Breaches in trust,
Love sunk emotion,
For ours was no lust,
Fathoms measured by oceans,
It’s our love that we’ve shared,
In which holds meaningful devotion,
We stayed true to fates giving,
Now left alone, set apart,
No choice but to keep living,
For we carry oceans measured by fathoms, in heart,
Seeing sights fortune, that which bestows us,
So in walking trust
We so stage for fates molding.
Held with the knowing
That what we see as showing
Together Life shares as one,
Although parted, left unfolding,
The weight on guilt, shamefully with holding,
Despite feeling like tons
It’s less than others loathing
Reflections of our past, over takes me,
And even the Angry,
Memories we both have had.
It’s the truth of life and what it’s sold me,
It’s what’s been had, I will hold closest, you see?
For I will always keep faith in obtainment,
Not just for I but also for thee
Never lonely, when together, you see?
Too me it is “an obviously”
Despite miles in measure, that of which keeping “distance”,
Feelings light as a feather,
It’s how we insist this,
For there is not another,
Nor the other,
That can break our loves tether
Still one together,
So, let us look at perceptions,
Self introspective sight,
Both of us alike,
What’s keeping the pain?
Remember the strife?
Strength is what we’ll find that keeps “us” alive,
Let’s work on “us”,
Individual certainty will keep us at strive,
Giving us “life”
One less of “demise”,
With joyful tears and welling eyes,
Life’s offerings of rendition,
Loves song to the skies
(3/14/2014 10:55:00 PM)
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Ready for a kiss did sun rose,
gleaming, shimmering in the April sky,
had set to bloom bouquets of love,
a rose among them caught my eye...
And made me notice for the first time
the alluring blooms of Angoora van,
and the dew drops running down her curves,
glistening in the golden sun....
They evanesced in the air, left her crimson petals free
a fragrance in air did she spread,
the mist left bare a blossom of love,
...covered in carmine hues of red...
And I did feel with my hands,
the seraph, seraph touch of rose
In blooms, in showers in waning crescents
...made she place in every prose.
The hand that penned ran across her curves,
drip-drip the blood it shed...
ran across a prickly thorn,
through hands that never hadst wept.
Left a scar, an impression of love
deep where no blade could reach,
I sealed the cracks, oh fool I was,
dug behind a deeper breach..
For the kiss awaited was never delivered,
tears did shed O! mighty earth
had set to fire myriad hues,
and had shut close each bud till next birth...
There as remnant in the carmine flesh of mine,
the deep impression of the barb did stay.
...Love never ends sans pain,
But ends here the Rosy lay..
......................................................................I would be glad to receive your views and suggestions, regards-yash shinde
(3/14/2014 10:16:00 AM)
Impeding Self therapy
Fighting for love is compared to the breathless gasping of air,
The thought of living without an essential need,
Instills Panic and fear,
For when ones thoughts take over reason and logic,
Without one thought about it.
Revelations strike close to relevant problems,
Answers so near,
Too close to have sought them,
It’s not the air in deprive,
Which led to demise,
The imposing sight of the eye,
Of judgments, of cry,
Those negative lies,
Those of dark harrowing mind states,
Irrational scares down tunnels of mind-cape.
That which we think will truly seed thought,
The length of our suffering,
Ben paid for,
So less stricken the mind of such it not need,
Recollection of appreciated breaths, of worthy heed
Let us breathe,
Falls in positive direction
Waters, wash mind,
Cultivation begins with seed,
Don't flush thoughts
Remind self whats been bought,
And don't hold your breath.
(3/11/2014 10:23:00 AM)
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Hey everyone i haven't came up with a new poem yet but here is one of my other ones that needs to be looked at. Comment below if you like it or if I should change anything Thanks and this is " Come sing with me."
Come sing with me,
Under the trees,
Where the birds sing,
And the leaves fall around,
while the branches cover the sun.
Come sing with me under the trees.
Come sing with me,
In the meadow,
where the grass is green,
and where the flowers reach for the sun.
Where the deer graze,
and the butterflies flutter.
Come sing with me among the meadow.
Come sing with me,
By the sea,
where the waves touch the shore in a loving embrace,
and the sand settles upon the shore.
Where the fish live under the sea,
Jumping up to see.
Come sing with me by the sea
(3/5/2014 1:24:00 PM)
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Books full of brick blocks of text,
Full of inscrutable sentences,
Full of jumbled letters, numbers, figures.
Words cascade into my mind,
Held for a moment of intense concentration,
Then seeping, leaking, escaping.
Eyes blurry with forced focus,
Steel shutters clamping them together,
Onto swollen purple pillows.
Why isn’t it going in?
You’re not ready.
You’re going to fail.
Inhale, rip, exhale.
(3/3/2014 5:05:00 PM)
I've stumbled upon this place
and have chosen to show my face
My words shoot out with haste
with a sweet n sour taste
I talk of peace no waste
with no hate to debate
i love life and cant wait
to see whats beyond the gate
life has me saying
this worlds so amazing
from the songs that keep playing
to the love im incased in
heres where im placed in
I've tried to keep my soul pure
using positivity for the cure
though life sometimes a blur
ill get through it I'm sure
We all have the power
to stand up not cower
stand tall not cower
our minds can open as if a flower
raining down goodness as if a shower.
this poem has gone in motion with the words im showin
not realy any skeleton to hold in
no reigns here, no veins clear
just flowin freely with no fear
(3/1/2014 11:20:00 AM)
Listen to the day breaking silently
Dawn is the coming of the day mercily
Morning grace the Earth with flair
In peace, awakening souls without fear
Gracious must he be who brings morning
For from heaven a book came down not falling
Day is a gift of life
Stolen by the night in vie
That yesterday can be yesterday;
Such is the blessing of life
Day by day
Let me hold a hand
Let me hope in the land
As long as the beloved's name is cherished
For bountiful blessings; I feel no need
To unending blessings; I pay no heed
Forgive me, my lord
I swear that-
From you, Morning is gracious enough
From you, Morning is forgiveness enough
And when the day breaks in time
Divine mercy is promised in time.
(2/26/2014 5:42:00 PM)
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a keyboard and bleed.”
- Ernest Hemingway (edited)
The Honest hypocrite & the Bag with All the Food
There is a strange calmness in the dark,
I don't feel peace.
I feel nothing.
Groping for a path in this eerie nothingness,
I reach out,
Tumble all over and rise again.
Actually, I was just staying still,
I said it all to appear a stronger person.
Ahead there is light,
I don’t want to go there.
I have become accustomed of the dark,
Doing nothing, just staying still,
Like dead bodies, less dead.
Life is very taxing,
You have to walk around to get somewhere,
And, I was a careless person,
I couldn't walk a yard without falling.
So, I have a lot of cuts and stitches on me.
Did you know, I have fought a lion and came out alive?
In oblivion, there is serenity.
That and the fact that I am a lazy person,
Keep me in the cave.
“But, you can’t spend your life in a cave?”
The rational-me argues.
“Well cave is a part of this earth with free oxygen,
And I have got a bag with all the food.”
That’s how you convince rationales.
You say intelligent stuff that mustn't make sense.
The rational me now wants a slice of pizza. (Huh)
The only inconvenience I have is that,
I can’t read “The fountainhead”
(I really love this book,
but I haven’t read it till now.)
So, now I want light to read the book.
No, I don’t want light around me,
But I want light to read.
I may have fought a lion,
But, I am afraid of the bats,
Are there any?
Yes, even we hypocrites are afraid.
There are no bats, but a group of fireflies.
I remember being called one,
and calling someone.
Memories of home compel me to go out.
“Atta boy. It’s tranquil here.”
The rational-me tries to convince.
The rational me really likes pizza.
“You won’t have to give an exam,
you won’t have to worry about ambitions,
No society, no responsibility, no work.
Here it will be me and you,
Just two honest hypocrites.
Outside there is a world of them,
And they are not even honest.”
I think accusing people of hypocrisy is hypocrisy itself.
The argument sticks with me.
In fact, I’m just too lazy to move.
But, arguments can’t stop memories,
I remember faces midst the dark,
I remember my promise,
Of becoming a comet for everyone I love,
Just to make them smile when it’s dark,
Maybe that was just me being pretentious.
But, isn't a promise a promise?
The wounds which I show off like tattoos,
Promise to bleed if I move out,
Because, they are wounds,
and, everybody loves the possibility of not having to move again.
But, I seem to have overestimated my hypocrisy.
I don’t know how,
But that seems to be the case.
People who aren't even there,
Push me to move out.
Their smiles are the master,
And I am the genie,
I have got no choice but to say,
“Your wish is my command.”
My personal big bag of ambitions,
is also screaming at me,
Inside of it, are my passions and dreams.
They say “We hate being the calling of a hypocrite,
But in the end, we are your calling.
And, If we don’t get real,
We will be fine.
You, on the other hand...
So, in the end, despite not liking it,
I have to move out.
I have got calls to answer,
I have got wishes to fulfill,
I have got to go back in the murky world,
And work till I sweat, even if I’m lazy.
Love sure makes you do terrible things.
People make you go through terrible times.
Mark my words; they’ll make you try when you want to give up.
The wounds, true to their promise,
Start to bleed,
But I smile when I bleed
and, I feel stronger,
despite my wounds or maybe because of them.
Or may be, I am just pretending to be stronger,
But it feels the same.
The wounds are happy for me,
and they bleed even harder.
Because sadly, that’s the only thing wounds can do.
(2/24/2014 1:40:00 AM)
It was real here
Of that am triple sure
It’s still in me
Vindicated with a warm heart
Maybe it’s wearproof
I wonder if it was the same on the other side
Was it real too
Or it was just to make me feel good
Was it love or just lies, or even worse, lust
Was there real chemistry between us
Currently, its love in motion
It will never get finished
I won’t be able 2 sing it
Like the unsung song
Its uncompleted chemistry
By Isaac Banda