Critiques and Revision

poetry comes from ones heart and soul.the words just pop into your head without you even trying..you just dont feel whole intill its done.so what other people think about your poetry does not really matter

I would very interesting any advice and guidance of others to my poem...

I am alive here sound true,

Here, here,
In a golden or darken circular blue,

I am alive, yes to live and to love...
Hey you,
Can you understand what is love?

Please listen to me,
Butterfly comes,
Sits on a rose
And sings for the sun...

It's in love with a glorious and shiny rise.

Please listen to me...
We have no time,
Let's be butterfly,
Sing for the sea,

And watch the rise and fall of the waves
That are ahead of us.

i would really appreciate any help and advice others may give about my poetry i feel some are good but would welcome suggestions for tips.here is my page http://www.poemhunter.com/clay-perry/ and here is a new poem..

'my love's like jazz'

Why jazz?Everyone asks,
thinks maybe it's a crutch,
but you have to listen
to understand that

when it swings mad
it's controlled wild,
screaming like loons
from the secret structure
of someone's imagination.
You get to go there, fly
down to it, sail across it,
lose yourself winging
your own dips
and graceful spins.
The cool liquid changes

when it cries soft
as yellow fog, curling
around memory. Ghosts
who usually live
in the next room
step in to hold you
faint as smoke, whisper
their stories one more

time you have to listen
to understand. It's a river.
It pulls you with tides,
and deep underneath
it's all blue, sad
in a minor way,
but enveloping as peace,
low as life.

You can stretch yourself
around it, let it move
your limbs, carry you
in a sway of somewhere
you've never been
but for that space
of song.
in this moment my love smooth,
sticky, sultry, sweetly heady.

please would folks offer me advice and any help you may afford me on my poetry i think some is good just would appreciate some help..http://www.poemhunter.com/clay-perry/

One of my more recent poems. I would really appreciate some honest reviews and comments.

You Don't Go Crazy Till It's Done

War is hell but you don't go crazy till its done.
We climbed to the top, we can never stop,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Shoot your guns and bang your drums,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Bleed 'em dry in the blazing sun,
Shoot 'em and their mums,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Here there's no thinkin', and binge drinkin',
You don't go crazy till its done.
Wait till your home, safe and alone
Wait for the dreams of screams,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Alone and at home,
Be in pain and get told your insane,
Be prescribed lots of drugs and a few hugs,
You don't go crazy til its done.
Loose your job and get chased by angry mob,
Get told you're the hitch and then get the ditch.
You don't go crazy til its done.
War is hell but you don't go crazy til its done.

Also, you might like to read my other works at http://www.poemhunter.com/anna-writer/poems/

Thanking You in Advance,
Yours in Stone,
A. Writer

I wrote this poem quite a while ago. I'd like to know what you all think.

Surreality

The sunset's blood spills yellow and orange,
The fern's new life within the sporange,
I tread the Earth's path so sweet,
the flowers crumple 'neath my feet.

The sky, it glows a bright new silver,
The ewe shall feed her newborn chilver.
Dance around the light of stars,
Paint the planet known as Mars.

And soon shall strike the inspiration,
entwined so soft with desperation.
The moon, it shines so florescent,
The glowworms shimmer, incandescent.

Watch the sky, it soon will fall,
The gentile mist absorbs it all.
The blood of demons spills and splashes,
marking you with quick, red lashes.

Piece by piece we'll watch the dreams,
It's just not always what it seems.
The feathers drifting, falling down,
Fill the streets, the vacant town.

A misty haze shall fill the skies,
Watch the fallen disk arise,
lined with silver and plated gold,
it brings the new and keeps the old.

Check this out...i'm kinda new here and will be needing guide from the experienced one...please i want you all to comment on this
" I never knew i could fly
until i see you cry
Patiently waiting for your smile
but it's way long along the tide
you make me walk the mile
even though its for a while
i never knew i could fly
until i see me try..."

Hi everyone I'm new at this! ! I just lately [like a year or two] developed this love for poems and poetry....would love to hear from all on my very recent poem......



What's with this girl



“You can atleast say a Hi”………..

She makes me feel awkward everytime..
She knows a lot about me
Yes coz I confide in her
We talk a lot through texts
But I cant speak to her…why?

I’m very well sure
I ain’t In love with her! !
Coz I love guys n not gals! !
But what's with this girl
I don’t get it at all

Maybe its her eyes…
She could look through me
And I wont be able to lie..
She knows me very well
And her eyes remind me that…

Or maybe its her height!
She can impose superiority on me…
What if she takes advantage and use me?
She is so tall! !
You see I’m not used to being with gals taller than me..

Or yet maybe its her charm…
I get tongue tied! !
I feel like gazing at her for hours on end
And she is herself a magnet
Oh! I don’t want to be a piece of iron!

I hope someday I’ll solve
This mystery that surrounds me

……….“You can atleast say a Hi”
That’s what she often tells me now-a-days! !
And I manage a “Hi”
And I smile….wait is this called blushing??......

Hey guys, how is it going?hopefully great, I was wondering if you guys would be interested in sending me two of your written and favorite poems, and i will comment and rate them; because i am that kind of guy. Don't be shy and send me a message, i will be waiting. xD

Hi, I wrote this poem in a different style than I normally use and I was wondering if I could get some critiques. And please, constructive criticism is very welcome.

Love Is Ugly


Love.
What a brutal thing.
Love...
such an ugly thing.
I'll tell you right now
that love will never be
pretty, never fully joyous,
never golden. Love is ugly,
love is stone grey and
dusty brown, love is
mutated green and smells
like death.
Smells like death....

Love is a knife in
your heart, a dagger
through the eyes.
Love blinds and deafens and
defeats. Love beats you,
love kills you,
love kicks dirt in your eyes.
Love is envy and greed and
fire and ice and sorrow
and joy and wonder and fear.
Love kills and destroys
and keeps pulling you back.

Love drags and claws and rips
and tears, love stains
your face with tears.
Love is a frozen flame,
cold and hot and warm and
solid and slippery and
melting away.
Love grabs you with scaly hands
and holds with scarves and mittens.
Love scars and burns and eats
away your soul.

Love is brutal and relentless
and won't leave you alone.
Won't leave you alone....
Love hurts and tortures and
rakes claws down your back,
plants wings in your shoulders,
throws you out the window
and assumes you know how to fly.

Love is the worst and the best,
love is painful and never-ending,
love raises hopes and
crushes them like bugs.
Happiness is the illusion,
love is fear and hurt and cold...
So cold...
Love is rain, flooding and drowning
and rushing through, splashing
and racing in a current.

Love takes you away and
forces you back.
Love is ugly.
Love isn't hearts and flowers,
not candy and pillows.
Love is blazing and burning
and aching and breaking.
Love swarms like wasps
and hornets and pecking,
clawing crows.
Love tears out your eyes
and ears and throat,
love fills you to the brim
and you burst and fall
and sink down and down
and down forever.

Love is ugly.
Love is painful.
Love is brutal.
Love attacks
and bites
and never lets go.
But the funny thing is
once it's got you,
you can't get enough.