Critiques and Revision

Hello fellow poem hunters, I would be grateful if you could read my latest poem 'I see you' and leave your thoughts. Thank you.

Friends,

Please note that my new book of poetry, " Dada Reborn: 21st Century Poems, " is now available on Amazon (Ebook) .

These poems are intended for a mature liberal-minded audience.

Thanks,

Joe

I have a new poem....WARNING! ! Although this poem about a person eating fruit was written in good humour, it may be seen as a little racy, so please don't read if that is embarrassing to you.

Forbidden Fruit

He presses it to his lips
Bares his teeth
And nips at the flesh
Sweet liquid escapes his lips
And races with his tongue
From the corner
Of his mouth
He catches the nectarous droplet
And draws it back inside
Oh!
How I long for a taste!
To touch his delicious lips with mine
To fold my tongue through
The warm sweetness of him
Again...again and again
Ohhhh to hear my name groaned
Through his baritone voice
As my body sings his song.

His eyes...his beautiful eyes.............
Uh oh! ! ! ! ! !

He sees me!

I feel crimson warmth spread
Across my face
And wonder.........
How long have I been staring?

© 2012
Ruby Honeytip

poetry comes from ones heart and soul.the words just pop into your head without you even trying..you just dont feel whole intill its done.so what other people think about your poetry does not really matter

I would very interesting any advice and guidance of others to my poem...

I am alive here sound true,

Here, here,
In a golden or darken circular blue,

I am alive, yes to live and to love...
Hey you,
Can you understand what is love?

Please listen to me,
Butterfly comes,
Sits on a rose
And sings for the sun...

It's in love with a glorious and shiny rise.

Please listen to me...
We have no time,
Let's be butterfly,
Sing for the sea,

And watch the rise and fall of the waves
That are ahead of us.

i would really appreciate any help and advice others may give about my poetry i feel some are good but would welcome suggestions for tips.here is my page http://www.poemhunter.com/clay-perry/ and here is a new poem..

'my love's like jazz'

Why jazz?Everyone asks,
thinks maybe it's a crutch,
but you have to listen
to understand that

when it swings mad
it's controlled wild,
screaming like loons
from the secret structure
of someone's imagination.
You get to go there, fly
down to it, sail across it,
lose yourself winging
your own dips
and graceful spins.
The cool liquid changes

when it cries soft
as yellow fog, curling
around memory. Ghosts
who usually live
in the next room
step in to hold you
faint as smoke, whisper
their stories one more

time you have to listen
to understand. It's a river.
It pulls you with tides,
and deep underneath
it's all blue, sad
in a minor way,
but enveloping as peace,
low as life.

You can stretch yourself
around it, let it move
your limbs, carry you
in a sway of somewhere
you've never been
but for that space
of song.
in this moment my love smooth,
sticky, sultry, sweetly heady.

please would folks offer me advice and any help you may afford me on my poetry i think some is good just would appreciate some help..http://www.poemhunter.com/clay-perry/

One of my more recent poems. I would really appreciate some honest reviews and comments.

You Don't Go Crazy Till It's Done

War is hell but you don't go crazy till its done.
We climbed to the top, we can never stop,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Shoot your guns and bang your drums,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Bleed 'em dry in the blazing sun,
Shoot 'em and their mums,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Here there's no thinkin', and binge drinkin',
You don't go crazy till its done.
Wait till your home, safe and alone
Wait for the dreams of screams,
You don't go crazy till its done.
Alone and at home,
Be in pain and get told your insane,
Be prescribed lots of drugs and a few hugs,
You don't go crazy til its done.
Loose your job and get chased by angry mob,
Get told you're the hitch and then get the ditch.
You don't go crazy til its done.
War is hell but you don't go crazy til its done.

Also, you might like to read my other works at http://www.poemhunter.com/anna-writer/poems/

Thanking You in Advance,
Yours in Stone,
A. Writer

I wrote this poem quite a while ago. I'd like to know what you all think.

Surreality

The sunset's blood spills yellow and orange,
The fern's new life within the sporange,
I tread the Earth's path so sweet,
the flowers crumple 'neath my feet.

The sky, it glows a bright new silver,
The ewe shall feed her newborn chilver.
Dance around the light of stars,
Paint the planet known as Mars.

And soon shall strike the inspiration,
entwined so soft with desperation.
The moon, it shines so florescent,
The glowworms shimmer, incandescent.

Watch the sky, it soon will fall,
The gentile mist absorbs it all.
The blood of demons spills and splashes,
marking you with quick, red lashes.

Piece by piece we'll watch the dreams,
It's just not always what it seems.
The feathers drifting, falling down,
Fill the streets, the vacant town.

A misty haze shall fill the skies,
Watch the fallen disk arise,
lined with silver and plated gold,
it brings the new and keeps the old.

Check this out...i'm kinda new here and will be needing guide from the experienced one...please i want you all to comment on this
" I never knew i could fly
until i see you cry
Patiently waiting for your smile
but it's way long along the tide
you make me walk the mile
even though its for a while
i never knew i could fly
until i see me try..."