Critiques and Revision


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  • Nathaniel Watkins (10/1/2013 1:29:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello fellow poets please read and honestly give your opinion of my work! Thats all i can ask! Good luck to all.

    Noronradss55 aka {Nathaniel E. Watkins}

  • Indranil Bhaduri (9/30/2013 11:04:00 PM) Post reply

    Respected fellow poets. I would be most happy if you read through my simple poem 'End Of Existence' which is written regarding Female infanticide. The link is given below. Please vote and comment. With good wishes to all.

    http://www.poemhunter.com/contest-vote/end-of-existence/

  • Rohn Moosh (9/27/2013 5:47:00 AM) Post reply

    THEN:
    The night you went around telling people we were soul mates.
    You dragged me by my ecstasy and made your way through unfamiliar faces.
    You walked up to complete strangers in an attempt to be what we can never be around the proverbial.
    US
    We were Ruffians.
    Hand in Hand whiskey in the other.
    Holding onto our glasses tighter than each other’s hands.
    May be I needed the drink as much as I wanted your hand.
    May be you needed a drink just to hold my hand.
    “I want this night to be Embarrassing” you said.
    Embarrassing was good.
    People usually don’t remember embarrassing things.
    The memory goes to a place in your brain, where it’s locked and ignored beyond the time and space fabric.
    But it was calming.
    The idea of dumping the remains of this night,
    Right next to where you’ve locked our love.
    NOW:
    You are what heavens made up of. The paint that dyed it blue.
    Blue is ALSO the color of your eyes, Blue is but all it rejects.
    You smell of babies and sex.
    I don’t know what babies smell like, but if ever I GET one. I want IT to smell of you.
    Coming to think of it.
    Babies and Sex is all I ever wanted from you.

  • Wahed Abdl (9/25/2013 7:26:00 AM) Post reply

    Justice

    Atlast
    Eventually
    After all
    The deafening silence shattered
    Justice opened eyes
    Seems to be watching
    Rocks didn’t melt
    Sky didn’t fall
    The punishment, whether capital or life
    She is no more to know
    The questions in her eyes
    Freezed in the air
    Haunting every soul
    Why
    Dreams flooded in tears
    Blood pooled between dancing legs
    Smiles cried on tender lips
    Why
    The birth place of humanity
    That breathes life in the world
    Bled intestines
    Why
    Breast feeds
    Oogling orgy to spread its weed
    When
    Time starts thinking to stop its wheel
    What
    Shines at the peak of the death to rest in peace
    How
    Heads held high to stare own fall
    (All the accused in Delhi gang rape found guilty

  • John Estipona (9/21/2013 12:59:00 PM) Post reply

    Remembering the Days of My Life (English)

    I love the present as I cherished the past!
    While I let go of the Past, I move on to the Present
    And work to the betterment of the Future...

    For I know all things are made perfect,
    through the past to the present,
    leaving all the rest to Jesus to be the Lord of my Future!


    Pag Gunita sa aking Buhay sa Mundo (Filipino-Tagalog)

    Mahal ko ang kasalukuyan kasabay sa pag gunita ng aking nakaraan!
    Sa pag palaya ko ng aking nakaraan, ako'y tumuloy sa kasalukuyan
    Para buohin ang aking hinaharap…

    Datapwat ako’y naniniwala, lahat ng bagay ay may sadyang kabuohan,
    Simula sa nakaraan tungo sa hanganan ng kasalukuyan,
    Ipinaubaya ko kay Jesus na siyang aking panginoon ang aking hinaharap!


    ?????????? (???? - Chinese)

    ??????,????????
    ??????,??????
    ????????????...

    ?????????????????,
    ?????????,
    ???????????,??????!

  • John Estipona (9/21/2013 12:24:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    As man does not live by bread alone,
    feelings does not dictates faith....,

    I am a sinner too,
    I cannot be made holy but
    it is God’s mercy that I seek....

    What I feel will not change the fact
    that Jesus had paid the price for mankind,
    through faith and not feeling,
    I confess to him all my sin and accepted this fact.

    There is no better way to keep me busy
    than to meditate and walk the word,
    No better vitamins and rest
    than taking the word of God to heart everyday.

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  • John Estipona (9/21/2013 12:20:00 PM) Post reply

    God’s Designed for Me
    Excerpt by Kai Lim

    At the dawn of my life, I shall look to the advent of the light.
    Blissfully ignorant, a happy creature of nature with neither dreams nor cares. I exist and I am glad.

    In the morning of my life, I shall look up to the sky, bath my face in sunshine, and bask in the glory of God’s smile. I see only the ever-expanding horizon, hear the siren call of foreign tongues, and feel the tug of strange and wondrous lands.

    In the noontime of my life, I shall look askance at the shadows newly gather at my feet. They mirror to my motions and mock my stance. They are a contrast of my corporeal wants and my ethereal needs.

    In the twilight of my life, I shall look to the dusk and I shall gather within me, my memories of loves, of kindness, and of travels. Though the shadows lengthen and the darkness deepens, still I shall fear no evil.

    In the evening of my life when the light has faded, I shall open my eyes and shine out like a beacon. For within me is the memory of light, of love, and of the goodness of the Lord. And I shall have no fear of the silence and of the darkness to come.

  • Aria Siren (9/17/2013 3:59:00 PM) Post reply

    'Ello Fellow Poets,
    Please do read my poem: Dancing With An Elephant and vote for it for the poetry contest hosted by Poem Hunter. Thanks so much. Email me yours and I'll be happy to return the favour.
    http://poemhunter.com/contest-vote/dancing-with-an-elephant-sonnet-ii/

    ~Aria

  • Kristina Dee (9/17/2013 5:34:00 AM) Post reply

    Discreetly Bold

    A surprise in familiarity
    from this soothing command,
    in the realm of eccentricities
    beauty chase liberty,
    provoke not paranoia
    of expensive insanity,
    escape fear undoubtedly
    abandoning relief of normality.

  • Sunday Champion (9/15/2013 5:51:00 PM) Post reply

    I SEE A PICTURE


    I see a picture
    Which no one else can capture
    It dwells in my heart;
    I see a picture
    A picture of my future
    I see a great man 
    whose shoulders
    Shall the liberation of All men
    be entrusted 
    I see a picture
    Making men smile
    Restoring hope to the lost
    Mending the broken hearted
    And liberating the liberators
    That is the picture
    I can see

    Friends! What do you say about this?


                        

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