Critiques and Revision
(11/20/2013 5:11:00 AM)
The Plight of the Crows
Wednesday, November 20,2013
3: 41 AM
As I was walking, I was a witness
To a display that occurs every day.
Oblivious to the scene, my complacency
Made me blind to the message that is
Apparent each day; a visage of metaphorical
Display, because it is for the reader to decide the path
To choose at the crossroads of life: this is the
Path one must choose to follow, to be free from struggle and strife.
From proximity near, I could hear a raucous
Squabble up in the trees; repeated each day
Finally caught my attention and this is what
Three black crows took flight in the air;
Forming a haphazard formation consisting of two in front
In addition, one crow reluctantly following behind the first two.
From a perch atop the trees there sat a fourth crow;
Squawking orders to crow number three “Get back in formation,
I don’t want to hear your declaration of my territory.”
With presumption of authority, he squawked his
Boastful decree, “Get out of this tree because this
Tree belongs to me.”
From a camouflaged, limb one hundred yards away not easy to
See the three crows landed and declared, “This tree belongs to
We three, it is our manifest destiny.”
Immediately, the fourth crow took flight squawking, “Where
Are they were going?” “Do not go there, these trees belong to me”
“I am the crow given authority to reign over this territory. I do not care
About neither manifest destiny nor eminent domain; for this is my
Land promised by my creator for I have eminent domain.”
The cacophony that ensued was louder than before and once more
The three flew out of the tree one two and three.
Whatever point you gleam from this little stream is a parallel of the
Plight of humanity for every day we act the same way; and that is insanity.
(11/19/2013 8:40:00 AM)
sun sat maud
flung rolls words
tongues truth blind
lame love find
could love i u
save shy sky blue.
valley our deep souls wade
spare thy etereal glove
thirsty blue kiss my love
(11/13/2013 11:22:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
Now that I'm older The days just fly by,
Faster it seems, in the blink of an eye.
I try to hold tight, to each hour in the day,
but it's gone in a instant the night takes it away,
Soon it's all over tomorrows a new day
grasping on tight I know it won't stay
The clock keeps on ticking, the hours they pass,
what was of today is now yesterday's past
The memories still linger through the midst of the day,
but gone once more is another new day
By: Jennifer Wright
(11/7/2013 8:12:00 AM)
Hello honorable Poet
Kindly read my new poems " Happy Birthday"
Pedro Andres Rodriguez
(11/5/2013 10:34:00 AM)
Newbie poet seeking an honest critique. http://www.poemhunter.com/pedro-andres-rodriguez/
(11/3/2013 2:53:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
I'm being drawn in,
The darkness consumes me,
The black hole,
Constantly drawing me in,
I can't escape,
As I see the nothingness of life,
The perfection of being invisible,
Knowing that no one can help,
That none want to help,
Feeling the blade of truth,
Gives me the realization of life,
Being lost in the fog,
There is no relief,
I've become lost in the darkness,
I can do everything,
But I can't feel anything.
Again just a critique.
(11/3/2013 2:53:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
As I sit here confused,
Not knowing whether today will be my last,
I feel so numb I'm amused,
Unaware of the sadness I cast,
My heart will fail,
My mind will break,
When I go no one will tell,
Do I have what it will take,
To remove this world of a curse,
To give this world a relief,
After its done I know what will immerse,
This world won't change its belief.
Just a critique.
Eliseo 'elcid' Cinco Iii
(11/3/2013 3:56:00 AM)
Could you critique my poems and give me suggestions. I am in need of feedback on the poems I composed.Thanks.
(10/31/2013 5:42:00 PM)
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Terrance Tracy Male,66, United States (10/31/2013 2: 45: 00 PM)
As I walk along my drive
with hedges and oak trees on each side
in the late morning what was once solitary
of commerce is now lost to the droning out
to the noise of a highway.
No longer do the birds that used to be
land in the trees for me to see
imminent domain is all that remains of one's
solitude in which I enjoyed my refuge.
Occasionally a crow will be there to brag
where is my home oh what a drag
to hear him squawk no more like the hawk
that sits on a telephone wire to fill his beak
with a morsel that is meek.
This is the age of progress
oh how we have digressed
in the name of prosperity we have lost
what once was a beautiful tapestry.
In spite of progress there exist places of
serenity how much more will they go on
before their lost to mankind's duplicity.
Each generation to come
will see the erosion of the beauty that was
for all to accompany witness the fate
of exclamation at the destruction of the nation
because of corporate damnation
of God's beautiful plantation.
The city lights blind the stars
to make poets wonder where
Though the night skies grow dim
our future does not have to be slim.
If we could all agree God's mighty
power will shine again.
(10/31/2013 2:54:00 PM)
Two boats embrace
bow to bow, face to face.
No longer taut,
a simple knot
the rope slips off.
Sliding into the waves' troughs,
they silently start
to drift apart.
of the growing gap,
the coming despair.
Still in sight,
of each other's light,
but no longer in
each other's sight.
Then, the storms
begin to strike,
each one separate,
but still, alike.
By the time,
the sun's bursts
they'll will be
Like some hearts,
far, too far